ironysgrace

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"save to onedrive" lol no

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When you share a border with Russia, it shapes your way of life in a way where you kind of forget that outsiders regard the constant potential threat of getting invaded by Russia as a matter of politics, and not just like. a natural disaster typical for this area. It's happened before and you have no idea when it's going to happen again, but you're frankly just stupid to gamble that it's just Never Going To Happen Again and then get your shit kicked in way worse than you could have if you had been prepared for it.

"Let's appease the tectonic plates so they never send us earthquakes again!" That's a beautiful thought but let's keep your religion out of politics.

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“Having an affair” is such a funny way to describe cheating. There is marriage and then there is the situation. I had a wife and then an event happened to me.

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everyone was joking about trump dying today and I think that's really horrible and cruel. PLEASE do not joke about trump dying unless it's true and confirmed!!! I got really excited and then when I found out he was still alive i was really disappointed!! like that's so mean to do to people

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incredibly funny that "and they were roommates" became like. code for being gay. we have no damn CLUE what gossip that woman was talking about we just decided it was homosexual behavior

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“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

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Re: blorbo from my research, here is my favorite ever case study. I'm obsessed with it.

Summary:

- Guy presents to neurology with muscle issues, very clearly has something going on but diagnostic tests are inconclusive

- History is mostly unremarkable. Key word, mostly. He drinks four liters of plain Earl Grey tea per day. For context this is nearly twice the recommended daily fluid intake. All fluids, to be clear, not just tea. He only drinks tea tho

- Bergamot is known to be phototoxic in high doses (reacts badly on your skin with sunlight)

- APPARENTLY nobody previously has consumed enough of it for it to be widely known that it is also, apparently, mildly toxic to ingest in high doses

- Guy starts drinking plain black tea again. Only 2 liters this time (he didn't have a medical reason to drink that much tea, he just liked it) and so now he's fully recovered

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water doesn't make rocks smooth. they hired me to go down to the beach with a sander every night and smooth them myself. it's not much and it's not honest work.

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Totally forgot that today is the best day in Dracula Daily, the day where Van Helsing gaily plonks Seward down in front of the woman who rejected him and goes “See this guy? No bitches. Absolutely none. Zero swag. Valuable work he does, sure, but what does he know about chicks? Fuck all, Lucy. Fuck all. I told my students the same thing. This dude is the antithesis of sexual intelligence.”

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they should make a version of socializing that doesn’t make you feel like you’re still the weird 12 year old kid that doesn’t know why she’s not normal like the other kids

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*kicking my feet n giggling* you're kinda scary

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how to fuck a god

First, you must understand this: No god was ever meant to be loved gently.

Begin with the neck. All gods are accustomed to having their names gasped; teach them the sound of their own name said through spit and teeth.

Kneel. Not in worship, but in mockery of it. Mouth against their thigh like a priest at the chalice. Let the blasphemy drip from your tongue.

Fuck them as though you mean to ruin them. And mean it. Gods can withstand your fervour, but they will not forget it. That is the aim: not climax, not conquest, but memory.

To fuck a god is not to possess them. It is to prove that the sacred was always flesh in the end. That the holiest body can be made to gasp, to arch, to beg.

And that the one who made it do so was you.

Amen.