isabellelightwoodsss - Tumblr blog

isabellelightwoodsss · 4 years ago

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“ I HUNG THE STARS FOR YOU ”

tw/cw - angst, spoilers for squid game.

a/n - gonna become a kang sae-byeok blog because it’s a crime that there’s no content for her. we are starved writing community. customer, @keokomi.

- if you could, you’d erase the past and rewrite history. sketch the lines of a story that followed a plot much more interesting than the one you currently lived in. paint colors with a brush that felt more vivid and meaningful than the dullness in which captures your vision each and every morning. shades that portray the shadows of a different reality and the what if’s that could’ve been. with just a pencil in hand, you wished to give much more than what you were capable of gifting.

- kang sae-byeok, a girl you had unknowingly written yourself into her story. it had been just another one of those bland mornings filled with empty mugs stained with coffee and an alarm clock that rattled in your ears, leaving you to rush with untied shoes and ruffled hair. a project for your art school, one you had knowingly left unattended until the looming reminder of the due date startled you to cramp in weeks of work into just mere hours. a late night of blindingly bright lights to keep you from slumber and coffee that no longer worked that left you hunched over the desk with a half finished drawing and empty supplies. all those events led you here, into the small art shop wedged between two buildings to gather more items in hopes of finishing in time.

- a soft ring chimed in your ears, followed by the low sound of music playing in the background. your hands stayed hidden within your sweater pockets in order to keep the warmth that binds them, finding that your steps were automatic going to the aisle that contained what you needed. your eyes scanned the names and the numbers of value, rocking back and forward on your heels before leaning forward and reaching for the box of graphite pencils.

- a small jolt would spark your fingertips, surprised by the brush of someone else’s hands along your own. you both reached back ever so slightly to avoid the lingering touch, staring at one another in a silence that stretched on between the lyrics and drums that filled the store. entranced would better explain the feeling that plagued your mind interlocking your gaze with her own, finding that despite the heavy bags that lined her eyes, the hues of dark hickory rivaled that of azure skies and jade stones.

- you laughed in embarrassment, clearing your throat afterwards to hide the burn that scorched your cheeks, “sorry, you can go ahead.” the stranger would stare at you for a beat longer before grabbing what you both had previously been fixated on, leaving you to retrieve it into your possession several seconds later.

- afterwards you’d grab whatever else you were missing. blending stumps for shading and kneaded erases just to stock up. a couple more colors for the image you had in mind before turning to find your way to the front to pay, already dreading the work you’d have to do and the time you had wasted.

-“hey,” you paused in your steps at the sound of her voice, turning to face her once more. her eyes remained fixated on the supplies you had on hand, still holding only the pencils in her grasp, “are these good ?”

- you blinked, once and then a couple times more to comprehend her words. it made you realize that this was in fact, the first time you’ve seen her at the store, especially considering you were a regular. of course she’d be new to art, you should’ve guessed when you first saw her, brown eyes staring at the abundance of supplies as if unsure of where to start and what to pick.

- “new in art then i presume? can i see some of your work so i can decide what you need? graphite may not be good for everything.”

- “i haven’t started yet.”

- “then i guess i get to be your teacher for now! just remember me when you’re big and famous.”

- a smile broke out onto your face, gentle as you began to recount what the graphite was for in terms of art style and shading. you explained the uses of different pencils and what would be necessary for a beginner, as well as recommendations of brands and videos to get her started. the girl listened quietly with only simple nods to show her understanding.

- eventually you finished, asking her if she had any further questions. she shook her head, bangs swishing with the movement before leaning forward in a bow of gratitude and leaving the aisle. you watched her retreating form, still burning the image of her eyes within your mind. sharp, reflecting of her strength, and yet you couldn’t help but notice the lack of emotion within them.

- days passed, with paper full of sketch marks and shadows. after the completion of your project you were free to do as you pleased, opting to spend your unmarked hours with sketching the things that came to mind. the cat that sat by your window and the way the streetlights glowed beneath the sunset. pages upon pages of drawings decorated your notebooks, however not one worthy of your approval.

- it was upon the following evening that you walked along the familiar stone path leading to the store, cold air brisk against your cheeks and clouds darkening the sky. one hand reached out to pull the knob that led to the entrance, only to pause at the jolt of electricity similar to that of a previous time.

- “we meet again, and similarly at that.” you laughed, hiding your hand within the confines of your sweater just like before. the girl displayed a quick look of surprise as well upon recognizing you, returning your small bow of greeting.

- “you didn’t come for a while.” there was something about her voice, low and quiet with the way it left her throat. soothing you would say if you were being completely honest with yourself, but you’d never reveal such things even to your own mind.

- “looking for me?” you grinned, teasing lilt transpiring through the words. you grew disappointed when you received no reaction.

- “i had more questions.”

- “then shall we speak of such matters over some coffee? i’m freezing out here.” you shivered to further prove your point, smiling in triumph when she nodded in agreement.

- “sure.”

- she’d follow along right behind your figure, no words exchanged and no questions asked about where in particular you were going. her eyes however would glance around the area as if to take it all in, hands stuffed within her own pockets to trap in what little warmth it was able to provide. strangely enough you had no problems with the silence that filled the small walk. the quiet felt…nice. comfortable. not even you, a chatterbox, felt the need to fill it with words.

- a small table in the back of the cafe would be your refuge, seated right across from one another and ordering two coffees for you both. when the steaming cups arrived you would place both hands on the mug to allow the temperature to seep into the palm of your hands, blowing softly onto the liquid of ripples and latte art before taking a small sip to feel it swell within your chest. the girl would stare at the cup before doing the same, keeping her hands around the glass even when lowered completely to the wood.

- questions fell from her lips, and you answered each and every one with a smile and demonstration. you’d pull your own sketchbook out of your bag and with a pencil sketch along with your words, even having her practice to show she understood. she was a quick learner, skills proving to be that of a fine artist with just enough practice, and you felt proud when she littered the page with her own drawings.

- “with enough practice you’ll surpass even your own teacher!” you joked, gaze scanning over the scribbles formed together to create art. you placed the sketchbook back down, pushing it forward towards her end, “do you have a signature? it’s good to sign it that way no one steals your art.”

- you held out your pencil, feeling her fingers brush against yours to retrieve it. this time there was no shock, no jolt of electricity, only warmth to accompany the fleeting touch you had craved. she pulled the book closer before leaning down and writing, dropping the utensil just as quickly once finished and leaning back.

- smiling you picked it up to inspect it, reading through the lines of cursive that revealed her name, “kang sae-byeok.,” you lowered it, meeting her gaze, “a lovely name for a lovely lady.”

- “and yours?”

- “(name).”

- she repeated it, and it was the first time you had ever loved the way it sounded in someone else’s tone. you couldn’t help the smile that began to make its way permanent on your face, never having left since you met the girl by a fleeting chance.

- “sae-byeok, can i draw you?”

- “you want to…draw me?”

- “i tend to sketch things that i find beautiful. allow me?”

- she stared at you, silent in her answer before slowly nodding. quickly before she changed her mind you flipped to a new page, smoothing down the edges and placing the first line. time felt slower now as you switched between the paper and the girl before you, analyzing each and every detail. full lips that parted in a way that left you breathless, freckles that decorated the skin of her nose and cheeks. messy hair that reached just past her chin, and bangs that splayed messily across her forehead. and those eyes, the first thing you noticed about her, still lined with bags and yet still beautiful with the way they stared at you.

- you hadn’t even realized you stopped sketching until she flitted her gaze down to your half finished drawing, leaving you embarrassed as you cleared your throat and allowed only the clatter of glass clinking together and the scratch of pencil meeting paper to fill the tension in the air. each glance up that had you meeting her gaze left your heart beating faster than before and dizzy in the head, until it felt as if she had stolen every single part of you left.

- colors over lined the drawing and splashed like spilt water across the page, leaving little to no evidence that pencil had ever been used. originally you had wanted to keep it simple, but the idea of a black and white drawing to portray the girl before you felt wrong. there was nothing simple about this person, you could tell that much despite only knowing her name. kang sae-byeok deserved a drawing that painted an image similar to that of what you believed to be her soul.

“all done.” you sang, signing it quickly before turning it around to show her your work. sae-byeok gently took the book from your hands, tracing over the lines and colors you had used to replace that of black and white. if you hadn’t been so preoccupied with worry and what she’d think, you’d have noticed the emotion reflecting in her eyes.

- “you draw really beautiful.” she spoke softly, still entranced by the portrait of herself in her grasp. you breathed a sigh of relief at the realization that she didn’t hate it, switching the emotion to pride at her words.

- “you can keep it if you’d like.”

- “really?” she glanced up, as if trying to gauge that you meant what you promised. you nodded, flashing her another smile that left her twitching the corners of her mouth up in response.

- you could barely call it a grin, for it was fleeting and soft enough to have only briefly noticed. and yet you did. perhaps it was due to the fact that you were already so used to the features of her face, and noticed the change of the lines and the way it was able to reach her eyes. it caused a strange feeling in the depths of your stomach to stir, and you came to the conclusion that kang sae-byeok had a beautiful smile.

- weeks passed, and each and every morning you’d find yourself back at that art shop. the owner would give you a small wave in greeting and nod her head towards the aisle you went to each time, feeling your heart flutter at the sight of the girl sitting down and leaning against the structure. knees brought up to her chest and hair falling in her eyes as she remained focused on the sketch she was currently working on. each and every time you’d try to be quiet in approaching her, but the girl seemed to always know when you were near, giving you a quick glance before scooting over to allow you to sit right beside her.

- it was your favorite part of your day, listening to the horrible music that played in the background while the both of you practiced in your respective sketchbooks. half the time you found yourself glancing over and drawing sae-byeok, until each page showed the girl in a different pose and a different reflection of light. heat would always scorch your cheeks when she’d lean over and notice your drawings, and yet she never did allow you a peek of what she decorated her own pages with, despite your laughter and pleads that exclaimed it would only make things even. only the soft smile that she tried to hide behind her book made you cease your threats for that evening.

- you began to notice that moments with her were different than other people. while you hated even a moment of silence when speaking with other art students, you could spend an eternity in solitude seated next to sae-byeok. a fleeting glance was nothing compared to the ones you shared with the girl, never wanting to look away from the gaze she held you within. any touch, even if in the form of a simple brush of your fingers, left you burning and craving for more.

- sae-byeok who you sit with in the aisles of that shop, sketching and basking in each other’s presence while drawing. sae-byeok that makes your breath catch inside your throat at seeing her pull her hair back into a small ponytail when sweat began to form due to the heat of summer. sae-byeok who you stare at and grow lost in the stars that splash across her nose and cheekbones. sae-byeok who you would buy a sketchbook for her birthday, wrapped in the prettiest bow you could find and leather decorated by your own hands. sae-byeok who let you rest her head on her shoulder when she spoke of her time in north korea, and of the predicament she was in with money and her little brother. sae-byeok who told you of her wish and dreams under the sky, gripping your hand when you interlaced your fingers with hers. sae-byeok who has the prettiest eyes, colors of hickory warm like the hot chocolate you made her during christmas. sae-byeok who has the most enthralling soul, and who you wished to gift the entire galaxy to in the form of stars and euphoria.

- sae-byeok who you fell in love with.

- the realization of this fact hit you all at once, in the confines of your room with your chair pulled up to the window and your gaze fixated on the stars that decorated the sky. it left your hand to still against the paper that had, once again, unconsciously drawn her in the forms of carnations and soft berries. no anxiety masked as butterflies fluttered in your ribcage nor a fear in what she’d say to your fondness for her. rather, content would better explain how you felt, for you knew loving her was not a mistake.

- the next time you met with sae-byeok you couldn’t help but feel more elated than before. being in her presence helped ease the heartache that she left each time you parted ways, as well as washed away the stress that came with college as an art major. the numbers that you used to stare at on the screen of your computer meant nothing each time you felt the press of her body against your own, the distance in which the two of you sat next to each other lessening with every new day. by then, you could smell the fresh scent that stuck onto the jacket around her frame, and could recount the freckles you adored.

- “i almost have enough for my mom to leave north korea.” she would speak, disrupting the quietness of time. your pencil stopped with its work, smile gracing your lips as you nudged her gently.

-“that’s amazing sae-byeok! i’m so happy for you!”

- “it’s only enough to get her to china, but at least then…” she trailed off, staring at the pen she twisted between her fingers. you lightly placed your hand over her own.

- “you worked really hard for this.”

- sae-byeok stared at you, flickering between your eyes and something else. it left your heart racing the longer you held the position, suddenly aware of everything. the buzz of the fan, the softness of her hands despite the scars and every dip and crevice of her face. finally she allowed a smile to paint her lips, leaving you even more infatuated than before, “thank you. for everything. i…enjoy your presence.”

- you wished she could understand far more than your words allowed you to convey, “i do too.”

- sae-byeok sae-byeok sae-byeok. the girl never left your mind and plagued your thoughts, and you were sure even if you had dementia and forgot your own name you’d still remember hers. she was like an addiction, and like a drunk man was tied to alcohol you could ever get enough of her. she remained in your thoughts during color theory and kept you staring at the ceiling in your bed during sleepless nights. ‘sae-byeok sae-byeok sae-byeok’, you’d mumble to yourself, fingers touching the lips that twitched upwards in the wake of her image plastered inside your brain.

- it’d leave you disappointed each time you didn’t see her, like that day in particular when the aisle you sat together in remained empty. a small tilt of your head, glancing around to see if she was messing with you to see the lost look akin to a puppy that was your expression. however, no girl wearing those eyes you loved could be seen inside the shop.

- you’d recount the last previous days, where you had noticed a small shift in mood but didn’t press on when you knew sae-byeok wasn’t big on sharing. she’d open up on her own, and you’d never wish to make her uncomfortable with questions she had no intent in answering. despite knowing this however, you still couldn’t shake off the thought of ‘what if’ that entered your mind.

- each day you’d check, and it was the third that you found her, leaning against the aisle as usual but this time with no sketch pad. relief at seeing her in one shape and with no harm down flooded your senses, quiet in your steps as usual to sit beside her.

- “i came everyday and no sign of my favorite person. you’ve starved me dear kang sae-byeok.”

- she gave you a fleeting glance, taking in the sight of your hand over your heart before looking away, “i was doing something.”

- you took note of the expression on her face, clearly conflicted over something as she stared into the void before her. you hummed lightly, deciding to not press on any further and joining her in her gaze, “you’re forgiven. just don’t go disappearing on me like that. i expect a couple days notice.”

- sae-byeok nodded, playing with the ends of her fingers as she allowed a minute of silence to blanket the atmosphere before breaking it, “hey (name).”

- “hm?”

- “do you think…money solves problems?”

- “depends. if the problem is i’m hungry, then yes.”

- “what’s the other scenario?”

- “if it’s happiness…i guess that also depends. rich people will say that it can’t, but they haven’t necessarily ever been poor now, huh?”

- you broke your staring contest with the line of paintbrushes to lock your gaze with hers, seeing a hint of surprise swirling within the brown of her irises. was it the way you answered or something else? you couldn’t tell, “i see.”

- “why? suddenly win the lottery?”

- “if i did i wouldn’t be here.”

- “ah that’s right. a nice house you’d be in with your family.”

- she nodded in confirmation, reminding you of when she had first told you of her plans. she shifted in her spot, scooting closer just the slightest bit to where your knees bumped one another. more conflict clouded her eyes, scanning the expanse of your face as she swallowed thickly, “would you…be there with me?”

- did she realize the weight her words held? the idea that she expected you to remain in her life beyond just simple friendship within the four walls of this store? and the way she looked at you, expecting something, it made it difficult to keep your voice steady and acting as if she didn’t effect you the way she did, “why of course. someone’s got to teach you art. i expect a paycheck each time one of your pieces sell. 30% portion.”

- sae-byeok laughed, brief and small and your chest hurt from how much you loved the sound. and how much you wished she could laugh like that more often. it didn’t seem fair for her to be burdened so much so that happiness like that was rare upon your ears.

- you cleared your throat, pushing your body up to stand, “i feel like going for a walk. join me?”

- she smiled softly, allowing you to hold out your hand and pull her up as well. warmth encases your fingers at the brief moment they touch, and you wished it would linger for longer than it had stayed.

- the two of you would spend your afternoon strolling through the empty streets of your hometown, feeling the cool breeze and watching the lanterns that glowed due to the gray skies that cloaked the sun from view. this time your hands wouldnt remain inside your pockets and neither would sae-byeoks, allowing you to brush your fingers against hers in the form of an accident.

- eventually the scent of rain would become strong within your senses, and the first droplet that splashed onto your face left you appalled and staring at the sky. the girl would stop beside you, glancing up as well only to flinch when it began to fall more forcibly, enough to soak the clothes on her body and the hair that framed her face. she gave you a look, trying to gauge whether you’d move for shelter and much to her surprise you stayed, closing your eyes and extending your arms as if granting the sky your approval of its gift to you.

- sae-byeok wouldn’t realize this, but a smile graced her lips at the sight of you. with tears of the sky sliding down the dips on your face and a carefree expression painting your features. you laughed as you spun in a small circle, dancing along with the content bursting inside your heart. and once you had enjoyed the adrenaline that rushed through your veins you’d stop, facing the girl and pulling her down the street. she remained silent, still watching you as you stopped in front of a bus stop with a bench and cover to serve as shelter from the rain. you shook your head to get rid of the excess water from your strands, spraying in all directions as sae-byeok pushed the dampness of her hair back from her face. stray wisps fell from her grasp, cheeks flushed from the cold and yet, you couldn’t help but think she was the most beautiful thing in the universe.

- “i like you sae-byeok. you and only you.”

- she turned at the sound of your words, eyes widened at your confession. it was a spur in the moment sort of thing, yet you felt as if it couldn’t be more perfect. she swallowed thickly, lips slightly agape as continued to stare at your form, “(name)-”

- “don’t say anything yet,” you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around her figure and burying your face against her chest. her clothes were wet, far beyond saving but she was still warm, “let’s just…stay like this for a while okay?”

- a beat of silence, before you could feel her fingers reach up to return your embrace. her own head dropped to rest on your shoulder, breathing in a shaky breath that shook with her own body. your hands tightened around the shirt they had grasped upon, reveling in everything that was her. allowing her to feel the rapid thump of your heart and the lips that pressed against her collarbone. you prayed that she understood just how much she meant to you with this touch alone.

- it was the last time you saw sae-byeok.

- if you had known, perhaps you would’ve held on just the slightest bit tighter. extended the embrace for a moment longer. if the knowledge had reached you, you wouldn’t have interrupted whatever words she had wanted to express and allowed her to speak of her feelings towards you. you wouldn’t have only scratched the surface in the way you felt about her and instead spoken of the things you wanted to do for her. say how you wanted to gift her everything you were and hang up the stars in the sky for her to see.

- but you didn’t, and the regret felt heavy inside your chest when she didn’t show up for weeks on end. it was the longest you had ever been apart since your first meeting and you didn’t realize just how much it would impact you. how it would impair your focus to draw and leave an empty feeling inside your chest, aching for just even a glimpse of her being. you wondered, had you done something wrong? was this her way of saying she didn’t return the feelings you held so dear to your heart? it ate away at you, the questions that remained unanswered.

- it was another brisk morning, with the same routine of passing by the shop and glancing around to see if sae-byeok would finally make an appearance. she did not, and once more you were left sliding down the aisle and waiting. hoping she was just late or playing some sick joke. your fingers would fiddle with the pencil as your sketchbook lay open, blank however just as before. and when hours would pass with no sign of those familiar eyes, you’d pick yourself up and make your way through the door, ready to tune in for another sleepless night of spiraling thoughts.

- the shopkeeper gave you a look of pity as she ushered you out, knowing of the two individuals that used to come by almost everyday, “i’m really sorry dear.”

- you’d smile, despite how much it hurt to do so, “it’s alright. did she really not tell you anything? at all?”

- “if she did it wasn’t to me.”

- “what are you guys talking about?” a new voice entered the conversation, an employee who began working around the same time sae-byeok left. of course he wouldn’t know of the girl you used to spend so much time with.

- “their friend hasn’t come by lately. it’s such a shame too, you guys made my own heart feel young again.”

- “a girl? does she have short hair? freckles?”

- your heart skipped a beat at his words, eyes wide at the thought that if he knew what sae-byeok looked like, he must’ve seen her before her sudden departure, “yes! that’s exactly how she looks!”

- “she came by a couple weeks ago with a sketchbook and said to give it to this person. i didn’t realize it was you until now. here, i’ll go get it real quick.” he placed down the broom and retreated to the back, furthering your anxiousness with each moment he was gone. it only disappeared when he returned, handing over a worn out sketch pad all too familiar to your eyes.

- “thank you…i’ll get going now.”

- your steps were quick going back to your room, hands trembling as you clutched onto the sketchbook you had gifted her for her birthday. you hadn’t the slightest idea why sae-byeok would leave this, and for you no less, but you still held it gingerly as if it were her you were holding onto. the last piece of her left upon this earth.

- carefully you pulled back the cover, seeing a note fall out from between the pages. you ignored it however at the sight that greeted you, making tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

- pages upon pages of sketches, each similar to the figure that greeted you each morning you met their gaze through the mirror. lined that replicated the ones on your face, colors similar to the emotions displayed with each expression. towards the beginning it was a simple practice of the shape of your eyes and the style you left your hair in, while the progression of the pages began to show poses you hadn’t realized you’d been doing. your eyes closed to show the smile upon your face when you joked with her. the small purse of your lips when you had nagged at her for not allowing you to peek at her drawings. the flush of color on your cheeks during the cold of winter and the eased expression when you had fallen asleep under the stars. you stopped at the end, her last drawing, showing you in the rain with damp hair and droplets sliding down your face, with a rough sketch below it of you and her embraced in each other’s arms.

- tears splashed onto the pages, one by one as your heart began to ache even more at the sight before you. had she known she was going to leave? did she realize of her limited time and left you this as a gift in her memory? sae-byeok sae-byeok sae-byeok. the name would forever leave you in tears at the what if’s.

- a small sob caught in your throat, desperately trying to wipe away your sorrows as you opened the letter she had left you enough to see through the blurs of your vision. it spoke of a game in which she had played, with a large sum of money if she were able to complete it. 6 games, with the consequence of a free invitation to the afterlife if she were to fail or disregard the rules. apparently she had played the first one, only to be sent home due to a majority vote by the other players. the game masters left her an option to return if she wished, and it appeared with her absence, you were able to guess what she had chosen.

- “oh sae-byeok…” you sobbed, reading the last of her letter that ended with her signature. your cries shook within the depths of your ribcage and left a pain so unbearable you wondered if it’d ever go away. it was all there, plain and bare for you to see. to understand why she did what she did. and yet you didn’t want to believe it. didn’t want to realize that the colors you had painted and the stars you had hung were not enough for her in the end.

- “if i win this money, i can get my mother out and i can pay for the house. i’ll live with her and my brother, and i can give you more than what im able to give you now. so please wait for me. give me one week. by then, i’ll return to you, and you’ll let me say my answer to your confession.

and if i don’t, i’m sure this sketchbook will say what i couldn’t.

signed kang sae-byeok.

MENU. UPSIDE DOWN PEACH CAKE.

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