isunbae-blog

[isunbae-blog]

And impatient. I thought you didn't want to see me back in January because we had planned to meet up and talk face to face. But I felt like you kept blowing me off because it was a couple of days after we had planned the official meet up. And that's when I thought everything was useless and gave up on the chance of explaining everything in person.

[isunbae-blog]

I felt if I could distance myself from anything we had I could focus more on myself. But I ended up being unhappy. Especially in January.

[isunbae-blog]

It was my fault for not putting boundaries on myself and I should have been more strict with myself on getting my homework done. But I really loved being with you. And I guess that's when I pushed you away.

[isunbae-blog]

But I was stressed about hanging out with you because I would need to do my studies and focus on school. And when I was with you time passed so quickly. And I wanted to hangout with you and essentially do anything or even nothing.

[isunbae-blog]

The chemistry we had was unreal. I felt like I could talk to you about anything. And for hours.

[isunbae-blog]

I don't know if you knew this, but I was always really nervous and shy around you because I had liked you. I had liked you the first time I had seen you at the restaurant. And maybe that's also one of the reasons I avoided you in the first month. Because I was sad that you were hanging out with my roomate.

[isunbae-blog]

Do you remember that scary movie we watched together? I was sitting in your desk chair and you were on the bed. And all I really remember was being really nervous because I didn't know if you liked me or not. So I tried to keep my distance.

[isunbae-blog]

I guess to start with. I was really afraid of being in a relationship with you because I didn't quite understand my feelings for you. And I was also confused on where you stood. With me. I guess there was a lot of miss communication.

[isunbae-blog]

I feel like I have only sorted though my feelings for you now. It's taken me this long but I think I understand better than back then. I really am sorry how things ended for us. But this just keeps coming back to me and I've been trying to move on from these feelings.

[isunbae-blog]

The girl I met over the summer

So I had met this girl over the summer (2017) who ended up being maybe one of the only girls I had really loved. The thing is that I never got to tell her this and we ended up having a falling out and not talking to each other. I had been on dating apps for a while and I went on a few dates but this girl, I met in real life. There’s a Korean food place near where I live and I would go there sometimes for dinners. It was probably ten minutes walking but I always drove there. And this one day I went into talk to the owner and get some Korean food (Note: I am also half Korean) and they had this new worker there. I could tell she was really shy and I tired to talk to her. We talked about her working there and how long she had been working at the restaurant. Because I had never seen her before. She told me she had been working there at the start of the summer.

I just wanted to give an insert of how beautiful and cute she was. At first I thought she was Korean but later found out that she was Chinese American. I also found out that she was going to the university across the street and we might have gone to school with each other at one time. Anyways, I began going to the restaurant more and hoping to see her. I soon figured out that she worked around three times a week and that she rode her bike to work. It’s a little weird but I knew when she was working because of her purple bike. I thought I was also going to run into her at the supermarket when I saw a similar bike outside but it turned out to be someone else's.

So I continued going to the restaurant and trying to see if I could talk to her more. I think she talked about me to her friend because I actually met her friend on one of the dating apps and she started to talk to me all of a sudden. I began talking to her friend, who I later found out was crazy, and I thought it was funny that we both knew this girl. I think the friend girl, who we will call Jen, liked me because she came onto me really strong and sometimes called and texted me drunk.

I think it started getting weird after I started talking to Jen because the girl; I guess this would be a good time to also give her a name, lets call her Lily, started acting weird when I would come into the restaurant. For instance, I knew she was working because of her bike and was going to get my usual and talk to her for a bit but she ended up hiding in the back. The restaurant is set up where there are cloths covering the tops of the door ways so you can kind of see inside the back part of it. I also think I heard her talk to the chef in the back asking if they could take the food out for her.

It’s funny because this happened a few times over and I had asked Jen if I did anything wrong. She just told me that Lily being weird and Jen thought it was because Jen and I were talking. Yeah, I was kind of interested in Jen but once we went out she started talking about her sex life and all the things she did which really turned me off because she was really loud and we were near some people. I guess I felt kind of embarrassed and I was uneasy that she had slept with that many people. I also found out that one of the guys she slept with was one of the guys I knew.

Any ways back to Lily. I actually found her on facebook under a different name which I thought was weird. And I added her as a friend. And she added me back. We began talking on facebook and we would message a lot. I found out that she was avoiding me because she thought I was involved with Jen and didn’t want to get in way. She also told me that she didn’t want to be part of anything that Jen and I were because she said Jen talked behind people’s backs and thought I was too. I actually stopped talking to Jen after we tired to be friends and I was just so turned off by her drunk texting me and because her past did bother me. I wasn’t ever going to plan on telling Jen that Lily and I were talking and I ended up ghosting Jen.

After talking to Lily, I explained to her that I tried to leave my number for her multiple times by writing it down on a piece of paper and hoped that she would message me. I remember telling the owner or someone that was there that I was interested in her. I guess she also didn’t get the memo of me being interested in her after telling her I tried to leave her my number. Anyways I asked if she wanted to hang out and she agreed. We planned on meeting at the library and walking around campus. I thought this was a date but found out later that she thought we were only hanging out and being friends.

This was the first time we were to see each other outside the restaurant and I was excited to see her. We ended up a bit confused because I didn’t know if I should meet her at the south end or the north and it took some time before we met up. There was a tree outside the library that she showed me had some weird fruit or nuts on it and she wanted me to help get her one. I actually ended up holding it for her because she asked me too. We then went over to the oval on campus and walked around there and talked. I ended up running through the sprinklers for fun and tired to get her to do it too. Then we went to the flower gardens on campus and talked there too. I don’t really remember what we talked about but I remember that I had really great chemistry with this girl. I also wanted to kiss her but didn’t do anything because I didn’t know if she had a boyfriend or not. Which I was hoping she didn’t.