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I stalked her today (6/26/21). She looked happy, like when she was with me.

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Who would have thought I’d actually get Covid-19..

As I write this down I am still wondering, how the hell did I get it? Who gave me this virus?

It started last 26th of March. After logging out after work at 6am that day, I immediately felt something funny, like my head hurts or something. Hours later I’ve had fever, experienced vomiting, and my headache got worse. Luckily I was able fell asleep at some point, because I felt refreshed when I woke up.

The following week after that, I felt the symptoms. My sense of smell and taste was reduced and every once in a while I need to make an effort just to breathe. I tried to ignore it, all the discomfort that I’ve stated, but ignoring it didn’t last long.

It was a regular night for me last 5th of April. Just me in front of the monitor doing my thing at work. Then our dog decided to defecate inside the house. My family members are complaining that it smells very awful. But the weird thing is I can’t smell anything, That’s when it hit me, “maybe I do have covid”.

The following day I immediately decided to go to the ER of commonwealth hospital to participate in an RT-PCR test. As per the nurse on duty I am too early so they can’t accommodate me that time, I decided to give it a rest and go the following day instead (7th of april), I was accommodated and they advised me to isolate myself until I get the results. 2 days after I got the results, I’m positive for Covid-19.

That night I received a phone call from our HR, she said that as an employee under an Ayala affiliated company I could be isolated in a private facility, they picked me up the following day.

I was quarantined here for 10 days, as per the advice of the doctors here, your 14 day quarantine starts the day you had your swab test, that’s why they only required me to stay there for 10 days.

The place where I was quarantined is actually nice, it’s chilly at night and in the morning, around 5-7am. I think this was a business center before the pandemic, I’m really not sure(you can see what the facility looked like below).

The main concern that I encountered here was being bored. I only have my phone here to keep me entertained. And luckily there’s free WiFi.

Honestly I considered myself being in a boot camp when I stayed there. I mean there’s the unappetizing but edible food, crappy bed that gave me bedsore and the open field when we could wander of if we need either sunlight or fresh air.

The main hobby that I did there was actually take photos of some of the food they served that actually tasted nice(see them below).

I was released 20th of April. And I gotta tell you, I’ve missed the outside world after I stepped outside the facility.

The doctors said that I’ve acquired antibodies that’ll last for at least 3 months. It’s quite handy, considering I have to wait for the company issued vaccine that I’ll receive.

As I end this kindly take this advice, always wear your face mask and face shield when going out and don’t forget to disinfect when going back to your place.

Should you feel any covid-19 related symptoms don’t hesitate, get yourself tested immediately.

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I’m stuck at home for almost 2 months and 3 weeks. And I’ve been thinking, 2016 years was the shit.

That’s the year I officially considered myself as a “young adult”, since I graduated last October 2015.

I remember drinking, almost every week with my “Samsters” and “Haikst Tnaigona]” friends, man those were good times. I’m surprised I never run out of money despite my petty payroll that year.

2016 has taught me to keep my expectations low all the time. I remember throwing myself to this girl I met via twitter (yeah I know pathetic right). It was foolish of me to think that we’d end up into something romantic, I had to learn it the hard way.

That year also taught me to choose your job wisely. I wasn’t happy anymore with my employer that time. The salary sucks, my responsibilities are lame and heck, it’s 2 hours away from my home. I was so desperate to get a new work I resorted to a dating app to get some leads.

But the funny thing about that is I did get some leads there, I matched with a recruiter. She didn’t get me a job but we managed to become friends. I’m surprised until now we still are, or at least I think we are.

Despite of all the ups and downs I experienced that year, it was a good year for me. That how I envision my 2021 would be.

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What I’ve been feeling since 2020 started.

No words, just some dialogue screenshots from the Anime shows that I’ve watch.

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I’m turning 24 in a few days..

Being 23 has been exhausting. 

Come to think of it, I really have been through a lot. 

I questioned my career. I’ve always been thinking if I am taking the right path. 

I’ve been awfully broke. I still remember those times I had to cut my expenses because of the shitty salary I've been receiving in my previous work(honesty, I’m glad I’m not working there anymore).

Having extreme disagreements with both my family and some of my close friends are a part of it. But I guess that’s pretty common for a guy in my age.

Making lots of terrible choices has been a part of it too. I’ve gambled, spent a lot of money on unnecessary stuff, you name it I probably have done it in the past.

Falling in love was probably both the best and the worst part that happened to me, but I think I shouldn’t talk about that in here.

I’m turning 24 in a few days, and I can say things have been quite good so far. I got a new job with co-employees that emits nothing but positive vibrations, plus the pay is good(I do hope I get regularized though, the job responsibilities are kinda tough). I’m starting to go out again. Either I’m catching up with some of my old friends or just going on a random dates(that’s what I’ll call it) with random people. I remember going out with this girl that’s a pastoress--haha, she was pretty interesting.

I turning 24 in a few days--and I just hope God has something special planned for me.

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She’s ending up with the guy she told me not to worry about when we’re still together

A little while after my (first) ex and I broke up, his guy best friend admitted to have feelings for her.

Now I can see them romantically entangled to each other.

It’s kinda fucked up, you ending up with the individual I’ve always been suspicious about.

If you can read this bro(which I hope you can), you’re a hypocrite. It’s funny how you always take my side and support me (according to her) when my ex and I are still together—and now you confess what you feel and pursue her right after we split? Who knows what other things have you been whispering to her when we’re still together.

And if you can read this, our split wasn’t still that long ago, and you’re going steady or whatever-you-call-it with him? Why him? You could have been with anyone in this world, but why does it have to be with the guy I’ve always been unsure?

I really hope you make good choices in your life with our Lord’s guidance.

Take care of yourself.

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Work Anniversary

It’s been a year since I became an employee for Amici Mercantile Inc. Happy work anniversary to me. More anniversaries to come, hopefully.

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How I regretfully lost my first girlfriend, the first person I truly loved.

I love/loved her so much, but its my fault why we are over.

Just like how most couples meet, we met online thru a dating app. I admit I kept in contact with her during that time because I’ve got nothing else to do, until I asked her if she wanted to go out with me. I think asking her out was our first disagreement because I was bothered with her curfew, but in the end I was the one who adjusted because she is a super cute human being.

I.

On our first date I took her at Wagging Tails cafe at maginhawa street Quezon City. The first thing I noticed about her was the visible scar in her chest, I still find it kinda cute though. We shared each others thoughts during that day, I was happy when she smiles every-time I try to pull something funny.

Ever since that day I committed myself into pursuing her, because she’s a catch.

II.

Weeks and months after she was fully confident around me. I knew most of her secrets, her thoughts at work, her past which she did not deserve, and that made me fall into her more. We pursued what we have and I can already tell she was falling in love with me, I can see it through her actions.

III.

She did something she’s not supposed to do and I caught her. It really bothered my why she did what she did. “Can I still trust her?”,“is she gonna do it again?”. But that was the day that she admitted that she loved me. I forgave her and I said I love you back. Why shouldn’t I say it back she was my perfect little angel, until I destroyed everything.

IV.

Despite not having a label after admitting that we love each other already. We had a lot of struggles during that stage. Her work hours was one of the toughest because she goes out of work very late and it shortens our dating hours. I complied either way, for quite sometime. I loved her so I drifted apart/sacrificed some of my friends, I didn’t regret it at that time. As a couple our biggest struggle was being cyber-bullied/harassed by toy collector fanatics. Although its was my fault they fired at us, what they did was too far and below-the-belt. We were both bothered by that incident but being together solves everything.

V.

One evening during ber months 2018. She admitted she’s having mental issues. I was mad at first because the process of explaining what she’s going through is making me a punching bag for her. But I reconciled with her that night and I promised her to always be there when she needs help. Apparently I failed that part.

VI.

The day she made it official and I get to personally meet some of her family members. I still can’t feel my face remembering that day. I mean-- I finally have a girlfriend after existing 23 years in God’s Grace, and God provided me a beautiful little angel that I did not deserve.

VII.

She’s experiencing a loss and I tried my best to cheer her up, at some point she did. That was a good month for us. Little do I know I’m gonna fuck things up for us, for her.

I really don’t know what gotten into me but at some point my temper shortened and I get annoyed so easily. It bothered her. But I did something that made her have doubt about me.

VIII

One night after a video call. She messaged me about a girl I added on facebook. Annoyed, I told her that was nothing. I wasn’t able to go back to sleep that night which resulted me staying home not being able to work. I bombarded her with text messages to make her feel bad about that matter.

I realized it was wrong and I am very sorry for it.

IX.

After that I kept messing things up, until we had that talk and told me she needed some space because I changed. I obliged, said my I love you and let her rest. I wasn’t expecting her to contact me the day after but she did. She regret having a heavy discussion with me. She gave me her another chance. Unfortunately I fucked it up again because I’m a piece of trash that doesn’t do good things in life.

X.

Our last date. It was a rough start for me that day, because I didn’t get a heads up from the office that work is canceled so my mind is ticked off. She’s not doing well on that day also because she’s experiencing pain through her lower abdomen. I’ve made a comment about that I have regret saying ever since. She kept silent about it until the day after tomorrow.

XI.

The day we(she) broke up(with me). I thought it was gonna be another normal day for me, for us. She woke me up so I won’t be late, I made my deposit for the hotel for our LU trip that not gonna happen anymore. And I’m gonna go to Eastwood to spent time with you. But then before my office shift is about to end she sent me a text message saying she wanna talk about something later. I already knew what it was, I felt it. Upon meeting her and saying the reason why she wanted it over I was falling apart. I am losing her for the things that I did. Unintentional or intentional it was my fault. I haven’t been the same since. I wandered and met a friend thinking it could help, it didn’t I lost everything that day.

XII.

I have been begging her to come back to me but all the things I said made her drift away from me even more. I have been drinking re-connecting with old friends, trying a lot of new shit thinking it could mask up the pain that I caused I didn’t I will never be the same without her and I am responsible for that. You were the best thing that happened to me. Even if it was unintentional how could I push you away.

XIII.

It was a Sunday morning I lack sleep and drunk as fuck. I lost my 3-year-old crappy iPhone the night before due to drinking. She was one of the few people to know first, But I told her even more. I told her that I realized it now, the way I took you for granted, how I prioritized my temper rather than her well-being. I told her I lost an angel and the most beautiful girl in Antipolo. I heard her crying on the other end of the line but I didn’t mention it to her because she’s just one emotional and kind human being that I unintentionally took her granted.

We talked for almost an hour. I told her the things I mentioned above, I asked her if what if we didn’t broke up and she gave me one last final chance and I’ve been good? I’ve said some inappropriate stuff too, but what if—just what if we didn’t break up and things became better.

XIV.

I fucked up again. This time a lot.

It was very late and I was still outside, doing some intoxicating things with a stranger who is going through the same pain as I am. I was sad because I didn’t get to meet my ex after almost weeks of talking online. I wanna apologize to her with all the additional things that I’ve said in the process of me trying to fix it.

It’s not an excuse but I let the alcohol control the words that are coming right out of my mouth. As I wonder the streets of cubao just thinking about her. I became the selfish person she says that I am. I begged her to come back to me to let me fix it, or else I’ll “end myself”. After going back to my normal state I immediately realized how selfish I was how she was right all the time. How could I do this her, she already experienced enough pain and I even hurt her more. There is no excuse to what I did, once again I unintentionally scarred the most beautiful angel I know.

The morning after was the worst. Once again, just when I was making amends to my sins to her I further pushed her away.

She told me she was moved by the things I've said on our call after the night I lost my phone. She told me she saw or heard rather the man she fell in love with by realizing my mistakes. She saw the light in me again.

But because of being too pushy and being stupid she drifted away from me even further.

 I am just so sorry.

K.J.D.P.

I don’t know if you will read this or not. But if you are, I understand if you don’t wanna see me anymore or at least for a while. I messed things up again, I took you for granted again, I became insensitive. I wasn’t aware you have your own problems too. I just wanted you to know I am so sorry for everything. 

I know you are furious and angry to me as of the moment, I don’t know when. But someday, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and start over again. I hope the light you saw on me when I called you after my other phone was lost will go shine in your eyes again one day.

I didn’t mean to throw everything away, I promise starting today I’ll be a better individual. I just hope you can witness my transition.

*Photo not mine*

Months or years from now, I am still hoping we’ll have another shot. You did promise to give what we had another shot if the timing is right in the future.

In the mean time love yourself and focus on your career, that’s what you keep on telling me after everything.

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March 19,2019//12:38pm//the day I created a tumblr account.