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Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.

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all overlays are from here

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You've been turned into an animal

Spin the wheel to find out which

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my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

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Poob has it for you

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Things you don’t need to feel guilty about: eating, how you look, standing up for yourself, relaxing, sleeping in, taking a mental health day, saying “no.”

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on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.

No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.

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i can teach you

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*holding you close as you bleed out*

Yeah man... it was a good bit... it was a really good bit... really funny....

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a day used to be 24hrs and cost $5 but nowadays a day only lasts 5hrs and they charge ya $20 just to live it. and you have to pay with an app

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Crop top that says "met god," with singe marks around the bottom edge implying it used to be a full t shirt with additional text

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x

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what was everyone's first mitski song ever. mine was crazy it was happy i think i blacked out for about an hour