its-a-yellow-bridge

[its-a-yellow-bridge]

[its-a-yellow-bridge]

sometimes i forget how many times i’ve picked myself off the floor, how many times i’ve washed away smudgy makeup and put myself to bed. how many times i’ve said no to something unhealthy. said yes to something good. how many times i’ve treated myself with kindness and patience. i forget how many times i’ve tended to wounds and made peace with my own anger. if i was taking care of a body that was not my own, i’d believe i was doing everything i could. so here’s to remembering that i’m doing the best i can.

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A new day was dawning and there was work to be done.

Laurie Halse Anderson, from Ashes (via the-final-sentence)

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the time capsule

The other day I retrieved a time capsule that I had buried when I was 12. When I opened the slightly rusted metal cylinder, there was not a single item I recognized. Yes, it was my handwriting, but it referred to friends I never knew, siblings I never had. Even the house in the photographs (photographs where I stood smiling in the front yard) was a mystery to me. Every time I closed the time capsule and reopened it, the contents would be entirely new and different. The time capsule was a gateway to different versions of me. Some were better, some were happier, but not always.

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odd jobs

After years of struggling to make it as an actress in LA, I tore a phone number off of a community board flyer. The slip said “don’t call us, we’ll call you” and as soon as it was in my hand, my cellphone started ringing. I was invited to a white warehouse on the east side of the dusty Los Angeles river, where a skinny man in a faded beret told me that I was perfect. Walking home that night, I found a membership card for the Dream Actors Guild in my purse. Now every night from 10 PM until sunrise (and sometimes in the middle of the day for particularly long naps), I slip into your dreams and I am a pale shadow monster, I am your fourth grade teacher, I am your sense of falling, I am your lover’s whisper and how it tastes like heartbreak. The pay isn’t great - but it beats waiting tables.

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Brooklyn Baby.

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Garden with Villa and Fountain by Théo van Rysselberghe

Medium: oil on canvas

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fire lilies

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The sky looks really neat tonight and I’m feeling alright

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The phrase “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” can apply to terrible things too. You may not realize the amount of pain, depression, or abuse you are living through until you experience what life can be without it

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