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kaladin and szeth do have a few things in common. for one thing they are both people who, when asked what their "body count" is, would start listing people they've killed

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iaRIDE

What do we thing Sadeas named his horse

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Happy Mother's Day!

In honor of the day, I have a not-yet-published short snippet of Kaladin and Hesina from my modern college Stormlight AU.

“Tell me about your friends.” His mother probed.

Kaladin shrugged, looking at his phone on the table. Shallan still hadn’t replied.

“Don’t make me do it.” Hesina chided, poking him teasingly in the ribs. Kaladin looked up at her and she had a mischievous sparkle in her eye. Storms, what was she plotting?

“Do what?” Kaladin asked hesitantly.

His mother eyed him critically for a moment before nodding to herself and disappearing down the hall. Kaladin heard the closet door open then close and then the rumble of wheels on tile. She had returned with Kaladin’s suitcase of all things. Was she throwing him out because he wouldn’t tell her about his nonexistent college friends? Hesina squatted to sit astride the rolling luggage and propelled herself forward with her feet. What the hell. The overnights in the ER must be finally getting to her.

Kaladin eyed her, incredulous. “Mom, what are you doing?”

“Riding your case, of course.” She responded, smiling.

Kaladin groaned aloud, putting his face in his hands. Insufferable progenitor.

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*crawls from the depths of obscurity and an extended tumblr hiatus*

To whomever it may concern, today is my one year ao3 anniversary!😁🎉

To celebrate but also in the interest of posting my customary crem, below the cut is an excerpt from a recent chapter of my Shakadolin Stormlight Modern College AU WIP where the trio is at a frat party and Shallan is putting her drawing skills to 'good' use on a guy who passed out with his shoes on. The snippet is mildly NSFW.

“Do I even want to know what inane rule he violated in this dystopian hellscape to warrant that particular form of denigrating abuse?” Kaladin asked.

“Probably not. But the rule is if you pass out with your shoes on…” Adolin gestured. 

“What? People draw dicks on your face with impunity using permanent marker?”

“It doesn’t have to be dicks—although around here that’s typically what it is, yeah.”

“That’s more than crude. It’s—” Kaladin struggled to find the right word, “it’s…barbaric.”

“I know!” Shallan exclaimed.

Good, at least he and Shallan were on the same page about this.

“Amateurs,” Shallan muttered, shaking her head dismissively and meandering away from his side. He watched her progress intently as she crossed the room to the couch. Storms, she was about to confront them and give them an earful, wasn’t she? Good for her.

“Give me that.” Shallan commanded as she reached them.

Kaladin took a couple steps in case she needed backup but froze at what he saw next. Shallan pushed up the unconscious guy’s sleeve and started drawing on his arm. Kaladin’s mouth fell open but he shut it before looking back at Adolin, who shrugged indifferently. Kaladin turned back and blinked a few times to confirm he was indeed seeing correctly.

“Damn, girl, that’s really good!” One of the guys leaned in closer. “What else can you draw?”

Kaladin couldn’t help himself. He was curious. He shuffled over to look at the guy’s arm.

It was male genitalia but much less crude than all the others. In fact, it was remarkably detailed and well-executed—a perfect anatomically correct flaccid penis that was arguably better than some textbook depictions he had seen. She had modified the testes, however. They looked like overly round trainers and had laces, complete with aglets. Below it she was in the process of writing something in a neat, cramped script, sorry to give you SHOE balls. Try staying UP next time!

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Kaladin end of WaT spoilers:

Video ID: A pink brain with a feminine voice smiles with a cartoon face as it speaks to an initially menacingly dark chuckling swirling cloud of blackness with a white cartoon face. The pink brain's face turns sinister and its eyes glow white and it powers up with flames around it, eventually forming a growing flaming ball in front of it that it uses to vaporize a now very concerned swirling black depression cloud Death Star-style in a brown and gray dusty explosion.

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My key take away from Wind and Truth is that Adolin Kholin is never truly unarmed

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So, therapy...

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Words of Radiance finale

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Pro tip from a person who just pulled this insane maneuver off: If you want a girl to like you, just ramble about swords until she kisses you. 60% of the time it works every time.

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Something that still keeps me up at night from Chapter 122 of WaT...

***minor WaT spoiler below the cut***

is that someone is milking 'hogs'. Not sows. Hogs.

If I can't be sure if that milk came from a male or female pig, I'm not drinking it. Sanderson, my dude, I know you know the word 'sow', why did you do this to us? 🥲

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I forgot this existed until someone liked this post today

Update: I AM writing it myself 😂😂

This is a link to my explicit Shakadolin WIP for whoever needs it 😘

I meant what I said

Note from my second fic that I wrote back in May

Kaladin giving Adolin that long hug, Shallan denying being jealous about it, Kaladin being happy that they're happy but also recognizing that he feels rejected...They are going home together after that drink at Jez's Duty, so help me god, even if I have to write it myself!

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This post aged extremely well

I cannot stop thinking about how Kaladin Stormblessed is basically Roshar's Chuck Norris... and this prompt has been sitting in my fic WIP folder for months not bringing joy to others so here it is.

It had been three years since Kaladin Stormblessed had taken his place in damnation as one of the Heralds but Bridge Four still spoke of him often. Tonight several members of Bridge Four were out at Jez’s Duty rehashing the early days of Bridge Four and telling some Stormblessed jokes (aka Chuck-Norris-style jokes about Kaladin):

Stormblessed didn’t draw the arrows to the shield, they hit the shield because they were afraid to hit him

Stormblessed doesn’t do push-ups, he pushes Roshar down

When the first artifabrian invented the spanreed, they had a missed message from Stormblessed

Stormblessed doesn’t need Shardplate, his scowl is armor enough

The wind doesn’t guide Stormblessed, he tells it where to blow

When a highstorm sees Stormblessed, it takes shelter

Stormblessed doesn’t breathe in stormlight, stormlight breathes in him

Stormblessed doesn’t actually have adhesion, he puts rocks against a wall and dares them to move

Stormblessed is the sixth ideal

The Nightwatcher once asked Stormblessed for a boon

Stormblessed doesn’t suffer from depression, depression suffers from him

Stormblessed doesn’t manipulate gravity with surges, it just does what he wants because it’s afraid of him

Death once had a near Stormblessed experience

You’ll never see fearspren around Stormblessed because fearspren are afraid of him

Stormblessed was once bitten by a chasmfiend, after three days of agonizing pain, the chasmfiend died

When Odium goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Stormblessed

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Me after finishing WaT:

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Last minute addition because so help me, I will make Lopen Copin’ catch on in the fandom if it’s the last thing I do 😂

The Stormlight sweatshirts are done! 🙌

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Prompt from another platform: I think we all can agree that Kaladin had some kind of dramatic one-liner when he found Dalinar lashed to the sky at the end of WoR, what do you think it was?

I’m of two minds about this:

Sorry I was almost late, sir. Your nephew’s ineptitude made him particularly difficult to protect but, don’t worry, he’s sleeping off the wine somewhere safe. You take your time getting down, *lashes Dalinar then summons and flourishes SylBlade* I’ll take care of the Assassin in White.

OR

Sir, I know it’s generally better to have the high ground but don’t you think this is taking it a bit far?

Add yours and pass it on 😊

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I'm reading Sunlit Man for the first time and "Nomad" is having a real shit day so far