its-hades-things

[its-hades-things]

I went into the desert to forget about you. But the sand was the color of your hair. The desert sky was the color of your eyes. There was nowhere I could go that wouldn’t be you.

Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex (via the-book-diaries)

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I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence something throbs, and gleams…

Antoine de Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince (via the-book-diaries)

[its-hades-things]

21/100 Days of Productivity | 14.03.21

I feel like my photos are getting repetitive. I try to be creative but that's kinda difficult when all you do is sit in bed on your laptop 💀

I began working on an essay plan for my Literature and History class. The question asks us to look at how Frankenstein (the text) critiques masculinity... I think I have a general idea on what the essay will be about but we'll see how it goes 🥴

I also finished a book!! It's called Bound by Honour, and it was my first ever mafia romance novel. You can see my review on Goodreads if you're interested!

[its-hades-things]

Loving you is not thinking about you. Loving you is not desiring you. Loving you is not dreaming of you. Loving you is not needing you. Loving you is not admiring you. Loving you is not idealizing you. Loving you is not impressing you. Loving you is not conquering you. Loving you is not giving you gifts. Loving you is not promising you things. Loving you is not justifying you. Loving you is not helping you without you asking.

Loving you doesn’t have an I, you are not loved from an ego. Loving you doesn’t have a subject. Loving you doesn’t have a reason. Loving you makes no sense. Loving you has no intention, has no purpose. To love you is to be simply love… In love, you come first, the second thing is the being who loves you.

- Ousía Poética ©

Amarte no es pensar en ti. Amarte no es desearte. Amarte no es soñar contigo. Amarte no es necesitarte. Amarte no es admirarte. Amarte no es idealizarte. Amarte no es impresionarte. Amarte no es conquistarte. Amarte no es hacerte regalos. Amarte no es prometerte cosas. Amarte no es justificarte. Amarte no es ayudarte sin que tú lo pidas.

Amarte no tiene un Yo, no se te ama desde un ego. Amarte no tiene un sujeto. Amarte no tiene una razón. Amarte no tiene sentido. Amarte no tiene un objetivo, no tiene un propósito. Amarte es ser sencillamente amor… En el amor, lo primero eres tú, lo segundo es el ser que te ama.

- Ousía Poética ©

[its-hades-things]

I have no meaningful relationships

I’ve had so many people come in and out of my life that I’ve stopped getting attached

As a kid I begged the adults in my life to stay but it never worked

I’ve given up on that, why get attached when I know they will leave

In the end my mom will do something to push them away and I will lose them as well

I want to be able to have a good relationship

[its-hades-things]

If you want to spend your life with someone you have to understand there will be arguments, bad days, good days. Learn to forgive.. relationships are more than just pictures and cute videos.

[its-hades-things]

march 2021

it feels that its not right to share my frustrations and sadness to someone because i just feel that they are feeling the same way as i do, and sharing them my rants will just make them feel more burden about the situation. its already a year since that they decided to locked us down, to keep us in our homes because of the virus and i don’t know how to keep up with this anymore. back then, i was happy to have our class suspended until on the march 31st of 2020. but look at us now, we’ve spent summer, christmas, and new year at home because of the pandemic and incompetent government. tangina naman.

i feel bad about myself, i just want to get out. to feel alive again, but i can’t. i wanna enjoy my college years in my university and to study with my friends but i can’t. i am stuck here on my table with my gadgets and notes to accompany me with this lonely, frustrating battle of brains. and i hate it,  i fucking hate it but i have no choice but to comply on the restrictions set by the authorities. i am still struggling, i am doing my best to cope up but it’s just so hard for me to breathe these days. it feels like i am suffocated by an invisible cloud that no matter how much i try to resist, its pinned on top of me. 

 to be honest, i have lost my single glimpse of hope that by the end of this year, pandemic will end. with this fucking incompetent government and undisciplined people, i don’t wanna hope anymore. ewan ko, gusto ko na lang maging bato.

[its-hades-things]

Gusto ko ng kausap , gusto ko ng makikinig sakin pero gusto ko din mapag isa.

[its-hades-things]

sana sabihin nalang di ako gusto kesa yun unti unti kong nararamdaman na ayaw naman sakin, kasi ako gustong gusto ko talaga hawakan yun kamay nya at sabihin gusto ko sya. 

[its-hades-things]

Bakit ba ganon? kung kelan nagseryoso ka ka dun ka naman ayaw ng gusto mo? Kelan kaya naman yun oras na kapag binigay mo oras at effort mo magugustuhan din ako? 

[its-hades-things]

Home is where you feel at home. I’m still looking.

Truman Capote, Breakfast At Tiffany’s (via the-book-diaries)

[its-hades-things]

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

[its-hades-things]

I'm dead inside.

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hindi ko alam pero nakaupo lang ako sa labas pinakikinggan ang patak ng ulan, gusto sabihin lahat ng nasa loob ko pero di ko alam paano ko sisimulan, ang lungkot sobrang lungkot di ko alam bakit.

[its-hades-things]

Sometimes you need to stop seeing the good in people and start seeing what they show you

[its-hades-things]

ang dami daming bagay yun nasa isip ko , at dami ko din gusto pero alam ko hindi lahat pwedeng makuha kaya ititgil ko nalang muna ‘to at mag isip ng paraan para makuha sila isa isa.

[its-hades-things]

anonymously send me assumptions about me based on my blog(s).