its-oat-freaking-meal - Tumblr blog

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hhhhh buddy I got good news and bad news

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People talk about how this series ended so dark but so far in just the first book:

Five kids witness the grisly death of a kind alien who radiates love and psychic warmth

Child characters realize their family, friends, their teachers, police, basically anyone they could look to for protection might be secretly planning to kill or enslave them

One kid from an abusive (?) or at least neglectful home immediately tries to escape his problems into the body and brain of a hawk

Another kid refuses to put himself in danger because his father’s been severely depressed since his mother’s sudden death, and he’s afraid his death would kill him

That same kid tells someone “this isn’t a video game” when they suggest fighting, then lectures him on the reality of death and losing a loved one

Another kid’s loving older brother suddenly becomes distant and strange, starts hanging out with a cult-like organization and begins insistently pressuring him to join.

That same older brother briefly wrests control of his body back from the creature puppeting him just long enough for his sibling to see his panicked, terrified face

And we haven’t even gotten to the downer ending. This series was always pretty clear on its tone.

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well nothing threatening here

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When the cops show up and you’re still half-horse and also the cops have slugs in their brains.

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Geez I forgot how fast people just started overtly calling Jake “the leader,” the pressure on this kid.

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Precious child.

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Awright let’s get some food going and do this thing.

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Planning to start tonight when I’m done with work stuff, but first I’m going to write down basic memories I have of the characters without looking stuff up or clarifying if I’m right: 

Jake, The Leader: Ax calls him “Prince Jake.” All these kids were going through some shit, but he was often the one who had to make the call on tough moral decisions. Had way too many feelings for just one (1) heart. A lot of what I remember about him besides his Heavy Burden Of Being The Leader stuff involved his brother Tom. Everything with Jake and Tom was sad and tense and some very good stuff if I recall. Also, that book where he temporarily got a Yerk in his head was one of my favorites. 

Marco, The Funny One: Source of so much terrible 90s humor. Honestly even as a kid I remember thinking his jokes were kind of cheesy a lot, but he did deliver a line that made me laugh so hard that it stuck in my head for over 20 years and is the title of this blog. He nearly quit early on after a really traumatic experience, (which stuck with me too. I can still remember the image of him crying in the shower after ): ) but came back when he learned his mom was a controller. Joined Jake in the “doin’ it for our family” boat. Honestly I think he used humor to cover his anger a lot. 

Cassie, The Sensitive One: Loves animals. I think her family does wildlife rescue or something? I remember there always being wounded animals around her that she was lovingly tending to. Also sometimes think that she was fighting more for them than the human race, which is valid. Is into biology and zoology and stuff, is also frequently the group’s hookup for access to exotic animals. I think the ethical dilemmas they dealt with were particularly heavy for her? There was one book (another of my favorites) where she got in an argument about the ethics of subjugating one species to help your own and turned into a butterfly as a compromise. Iconic.

Rachel, The Badass Fighter, Except It’s About The Horrors Of War So The Badass Fighter Is A More Complicated Figure, But Also She’s Still A Fucking Kid Give Her A Break: The others called her “Xena, Warrior Princess” (which I assume means she’s gay) I remember this because, if memory serves, they mention it in every single goddamned book. She was pretty and popular and into sports if I recall. Strong queen bee energy. I remember she was frequently accused of enjoying the fight a little too much, which, tfw you’re like 14 or something and your friends keep commenting on your thirst for battle.

Ax, The SPACE FRIEND!!: Little brother of the space prince that gave the others their powers, cannot fucking handle having a mouth and a sense of taste. Lots of good “alien fish out of water” and “alien trying and failing to act like a normal human” moments with this guy. Is kind of a snob at first but comes around, can’t help that his head is full of Andalite propaganda. Fun alien shenanigans aside, a lot of his story has to do with slowly and painfully realizing how much of Andalite society kind of sucks, while also coming to appreciate humanity and develop a friendship with the others. Lives in the woods with Tobias, where they bond over being the best two characters.

Tobias, The Sensitive One 2.0 This One’s A Hawk: TOBIAS!!!! Did I fall in love with characters who have an ambivalent/ relationship with their own humanity because of Tobias, or did my love for this trope make me love him? Either way, Tobias is awesome. Starts out as a Troubled Teen from Circumstances, then immediately got stuck in his hawk morph. A lot of “I don’t even know if I’m a human anymore, what is humanity anyway” stuff. Eventually acquires his own DNA via time travel, and after that there’s the knowledge that he could always change back and live as a normal kid without having to eat mice or commit war crimes, but he chooses to stay. Probably a combination of wanting to help the others and not being 100% sure being a Troubled Teen from Circumstances is better than being a feral hawk. A good listener, too. I remember him playing the group therapist a lot, probably because he has a lot of time to think.

Some particularly memorable stories that come to mind when thinking back:

The One Where Jake Gets Yerked And They Stuff Him In The Shed For A Week

The One Where Ax Eats All The Cinnamon Buns

The One Where Ants Cause Great Trauma

The One Where Rachel Is Allergic To A Crocodile And Goes On TV

The One Where War Crimes Are Contemplated With Maple Flavored Oatmeal

The One Where Shitty All Seeing Aliens Show Them The Future And It Really Really Sucks

The One Where Sharks Get Smart

The One Where There’s A Yerk Chat Room

The One Where Cassie Turns Into A Caterpillar Because She STICKS TO HER PRINCIPLES

The One Where Tobias Learns The Shocking Truth Of His Birth But Forgets How To Look Surprised

The One Where Tobias Almost Gets Eaten By A Fucking Raccoon And It’s The Most Terrifying Thing I Ever Read

The One Where Another Kid Joins And Is Just A Real Shit So They Make Him A Rat And It’s Morally Uncomfortable

The Andalite Chronicles: Where Elfangor Gets Freaked Out By Shoes, Drinks Dr. Pepper and Sees A Man That’s All Pimple Because There Wasn’t Enough Body Horror In This Series Already

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warlockzhara replied to your post “HANG on the modern printings don’t have the little flipbook...”

i think they also take out references to the 90’s

BOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Well fuck that I’m reading the ebooks then. I’d rather read paperback but if there’s no Blockbuster or Garfield trapper keepers what’s THE POINT.

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HANG on the modern printings don’t have the little flipbook transformations in the corner??? ANIMORPHS IS CANCELLED!!!!