Last Seen Blogs
justlikelyaizaa
justlikelyaiza
justlikelyaizaa
justlikelyaiza
gatissandhallard
Mark gatiss & ian hallard
residencetotes
Ce qui se joue à Tôtes
thehubgang
thehubgang
Text
God that feeling of being lonely just came right back, and now that voice is back about how I’m an awful person and no one wants me around.
0 notes
Text
I hate getting excited for things because when they don’t happen, it’s just a big let down.
Because it always happens.
0 notes
Text
I hate myself
I want to die
I’m a horrible human being and I don’t deserve to be here
I’m worthless
I deserve all this pain and anger towards me
I want to die
Please let me die
0 notes
Text
I don’t really have a comfortable spot to vent anymore… at least not one where there are prying eyes.
Speaking of which, I’ve stopped checking up on them. They tried to friend me back, and it took me a little while before I declined the invite. There were many chances to talk, but at this point? I’m just hurt and want to move on. So I hope they are doing well.
Anyway.
There’s still a large chunk of me that just wants to stay at home and create. The only issue is that I can’t seem to maintain consistent reaction or engagement with my work. It’s a lot harder now than it was in the early 2000’s. But on the other hand, I’m happy just working on my own pace.
I know that deep down, I don’t really create anything stellar or worthy of incredible engagement. In fact, I’m pretty bad with engaging myself. I’m trying to get better though.
Part of me wants to try Patreon, but I can’t even get any monthly subscribers on dA or Ko-Fi, so idk if it’s worth it.
The bottom line is that I just feel worthless. I wish I could actually be truthful with the therapist and tell her that. I don’t know why I do— okay, that’s a lie. I know why. I’m just so small and insignificant, and I fear talking and making myself look stupid, even tho I do it every day in front of my students. I’m afraid of blindly following people who want to be my friend, but then leave me in the dust by either talking shit about me or because I couldn’t keep up.
I don’t feel like I have friends anymore. It’s just a very lonely existence. Like, I have my coworkers and previous coworkers… but I just feel like a bother. I’m too afraid of the rejection. My DMs are silent… and it’s not like I expect communication. Everyone is busy. I just don’t want to bother them.
I’ve been down this thought process before and it just results in a meltdown.
0 notes
Text
I have been having an awful time with my depression lately. It’s been a tougher week, and each day has had something just… mentally draining.
The worst part is I feel like I can’t talk about it because then I’m guilted by my mom, told that I should just look on the bright side, go for a walk, etc.
On top of that, I don’t want to unload any of these feelings on any of the group chats. It feels unfair to those people. I don’t want to play the card of all of them have something going on, so why would I unleash this onto them?
I don’t have any close by friends anymore either. So all of this plus an immense feeling of being lonely… it’s really hurting.
I want to go home, and I’m trying so hard to not cry in my office. Gonna just suck it up I guess.
0 notes
Text
Man alive I’m dealing with a ton of insecurities like no one wants to talk to me. Guess I’ll just go radio silence again.
0 notes
Text
Wanting to draw but having no idea what to draw leads to some really bad brain juice.
It’s a really bad downwards spiral.
I guess I’ll try and go for a walk or something when I get home tomorrow.
0 notes
Text
My favorite thing in the world is being woken up early because I have to go pee. Double points if my stomach has to get upset.
We have one bathroom in the house, and today my husband woke up late and was in the shower still when my gut was all CANT CONTAIN.
Man alive… holding pee is one thing, but having to hold both is the worst.
0 notes
Text
Also kind of in a weird mental state where that voice isn’t telling me like… bad things to do, but just my usual insecurities about how people perceive me. Like…
- you have no friends. People just pretend to tolerate you.
- you show off too much.
- people think that you are a suck up.
- you try too hard.
- no one wants to talk with you.
And I just. I don’t want to be in that mental state. But I don’t know how to talk to people about it because I don’t want to prove any of those true.
Covid really has made a lot of things hard.
0 notes
Text
When you feel insecure about your job for no good reason. Like… is this worth it.
Its too bad I don’t have more of a following because I would just switch to art… idk
0 notes
Text
I hate that little tiny voice in the back of my head that just seems to come out of nowhere and tells me how worthless I am, how bad at everything I am, how big of a failure I am, and it’s just such a bad headspace to be in.
It’s moments like this where I don’t want to do anything.
I’m trying not to cry right now because that voice can be so mean. It’s melted into my dreams at night so I’m just pretty miserable.
0 notes
Text
I’m just kinda… meh today. It may just be mostly because of the news from yesterday. Maybe some stress because I’m behind on comic work.
Idk.
0 notes
Text
Sigh
Yet another threat of a school shooting in my state, and then a school shooting in the nation.

So here’s the thing… to the people saying that schools need to have metal detectors, you are the same people that are crying about there being no protective laws for guns. The ones that cry the second amendment. The ones that cry that this is why we need cops in schools or more officers.
Have you stopped to think for a moment what this does to the kids? Seeing a number of police in one area usually triggers a response of “something isn’t safe here.” The response shouldn’t be to add more guarda or metal detectors - the response should be, “How can we make our kids feel safe at school.” And “How do we prevent this from happening again?”
The problem isn’t the guns coming to school or being within the walls. The problem are the kids that see the only solution to a problem being killing others. The problem is that these kids have no help. The PROBLEM is that these kids have such easy access to a gun or feel that they can, and use it for malicious intent.
Idk.
0 notes
Text
My depression comes in and out, and when it does, I just feel really discouraged and disconnected from everything. It’s not as bad as it was, but when it hits, it hits hard.
My brain likes to tell me how unloved I am and while everyone is kind to me to my face, I can’t help but feel like people talk about me behind my back poorly and I just. I don’t want to think about those things.
0 notes