itssohardtosaygoodbye
Letters I Will Never Send.
I thought I had found the love of my life. For 9 years, 8 months and 2 days, I truly believed that I had found the missing piece of my soul. At the young age of 14, I thanked God for blessing me with him so young in life. Now, I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse. These are the letters I will never send. The words that ache my soul to utter, the words I so deeply wish I could speak to him. I will never understand how a person can destroy the person they once said they loved the most.
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The worst part is, after everything that’s happened, I would probably run back into your arms if you came back. And I hate to admit that.
thoughtsofthedeepeststems
(via thoughtsofthedeepeststems)
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I saw something today that I thought you would’ve found hilarious and I immediately wanted to text you about it. But then I realized I don’t know you anymore.
@spilledcaffeine (via remanence-of-love)
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I don’t think you fully understand what I would do to go back to the way it was when I was happy… when WE were happy. Together.
n.k.//10:20 (via causehesthereason)
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I dreamt about you last night. You were touching me; rubbing your hands down my body, and I swear, in that moment, just for a second, we were where we should be. Together.
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Do you miss me like I miss you?
(via autumnid)
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You left and you said you wouldn’t. Just like that because one day you got up and didn’t feel anything. It’s the same old story. Maybe if you actually grew up and realized there will be times when you’re not going to feel anything, but you stay with someone and you get through it. When you start to lose feelings for someone, tell them as soon as possible so you can work through it and if you do break up, you won’t be as surprised and it will be a lot easier on your heart. You work together. You don’t just hide it and leave. Because that’s really shitty. You don’t tell someone you love them when you don’t. I mean I get things don’t work out sometimes, but you didn’t even try to fight. And I trusted you. And you lied to me.
I miss you (via infinity-and-dreams)
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Day 14
2 weeks. Just like that 2 weeks have passed. It feels like it’s taken forever, yet at the same time it feels like it has flown by. A lot has happened in these 14 days. So much that I ache to tell you, but don’t dare to even utter. I tried speaking to you on Wednesday. The frustration mounting, I cracked and reached out to you, but you very clearly explained that I was nothing more than a nuisance disrupting your education. That hurt. I was in pain, I needed to speak to my best friend & I was pushed away. You have no idea how badly I want to just “move on”, trust me I do, but I can’t. I can’t because every time I take 3 steps forward, I get knocked 2 steps back. Do you know why? Because I decided to take on all the wedding responsibilities, while you focused on school. I put my own schooling aside, to take control of everything so you wouldn’t have to worry. Now, I am the one that has to go back and cancel everything & feel the sting of the decision that YOU made every single time I have to painfully say “the wedding is off”. Today, I woke up from a dream where I held you. I knew it was a dream, the minute you walked in the door of my bedroom ...& do you know what I said to myself? “This is a dream, because this would never happen in real life, enjoy it”...and I did. I held you so tightly and I could actually feel you & smell you & just embrace you one last time. It was wonderful. It was just a dream, but I woke up happy that I could enjoy your smell again. Since Wednesday I have resisted every urge to talk to you & trust me the urges are strong. I spent all day keeping myself busy & then the call came. The calls that have been coming for awhile now. They seem to sense when I am feeling better & come in right on time to make me fall completely apart again. I had just showered and was preparing to study some flashcards, when the number popped up. It was familiar, yet I could not remember where from, so I let it ring to voicemail. I opened the message immediately, in case it was important and there it was. The woman from the church. Congratulating us on our upcoming wedding, asking for a call back to schedule some meetings. & just like that, all the hard work I’ve spent this week being strong, was knocked back down. I want to hate you so badly because you don’t have to deal with ANY of this. You just left. You left & had no care in the world of how or when the wedding details got handled. Our wedding was 5 months away. We had reservations, appointments, bookings, etc. & you just walked away. Leaving me to take care of it all. Everyday I struggle to not hate you or be angry or lash out. As each day passes, this is getting more difficult. YOU did this. I hope you’re feeling as much pain as I am. And if for some reason you’re not, I know one day you will, when you realize what you gave up. One day you’re going to wake up and realize your mistake, and by then it will be too late, because I would have moved on.
I guess the only thing that will come out of this whole journey is that I will come out a stronger woman than the one I was before. I will never let anyone hurt me the way you have. I swear on my life, I will not let someone destroy me like this. You should be ashamed of hurting the woman you “loved the most” like this. No human should hurt another this badly. I don’t pray for bad things to happen to anyone, but I know one day karma will come for you & I only pray you’re strong enough to go through it, or at least learn to be like I had to.
This fucking sucks. I’m still so madly in love with you.
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