itwasminttobee

[itwasminttobee]

“When the doctor suggested surgery and a brace for all my youngest years, my parents scrambled to take me to massage therapy, deep tissue work, osteopathy, and soon my crooked spine unspooled a bit, I could breathe again, and move more in a body unclouded by pain. My mom would tell me to sing songs to her the whole forty-five minute drive to Middle Two Rock Road and forty- five minutes back from physical therapy. She’d say, even my voice sounded unfettered by my spine afterward. So I sang and sang, because I thought she liked it. I never asked her what she gave up to drive me, or how her day was before this chore. Today, at her age, I was driving myself home from yet another spine appointment, singing along to some maudlin but solid song on the radio, and I saw a mom take her raincoat off and give it to her young daughter when a storm took over the afternoon. My god, I thought, my whole life I’ve been under her raincoat thinking it was somehow a marvel that I never got wet.”

— The Raincoat by Ada Limon (via wellconstructedsentences)

[itwasminttobee]

It’s been years now but honestly, biggest youtube plot twist ever has been that cr1tikal is just that hot

[itwasminttobee]

its such a stupid feeling, being in love with your best friend...

especially if you are gay.

I desperately want to tell her that i love her, but at the same time i know it would ruin everything. she doesnt even know im gay, i never had the balls to tell her. she would just reject me and the nothing would be the same. everyone always say "just tell her! you will regret it if you wont!" but she is so SO important to me. i just couldnt survive she hating me. "if she doesnt accept you she doesnt deserve you" "get better and more tolerant friends"... i dont think people understant what this is like...

i miss her...

[itwasminttobee]

i hope one day ill be thin enough to make a selfie that i dont hate.

maybe in the fall.

[itwasminttobee]

im tired of being lonely

i just want someone to hold me

but i know that wont happen

[itwasminttobee]

do yo ever feel like you really really really need a hug?

[itwasminttobee]

im super hardcore restricting and fasting and no matter what everyone would say im hella fucking proud of it. im literally so used to fasting at this poit that when i last ate it felt awful and i was nauseus for hours! :) last time i ate was on the 30th of june!!! i want to keep this up as long as possible.

its so nice that i can fool my mom so easily. i just say bullshit about new diets like the grain diet (only grains like pistachos, almonds etc.) or the appocalipse diet (only food that doesn't need to be refrigerated and doesn't have an expiration date) and she buys it immediately. so then i can get rid of them fast by putting them places where i cant reach them without feeling guilty about wasting food. dont get me wrong, i love my mom a lot, she is the only family i have (and i dont plan on moving out anytime soon either, i cant just leave her alone after dad died) but her worrying is kinda awful... i know she does it bc she loves me and she only wants the best for me but i want her to understant that THIS is the best for me.

[itwasminttobee]

im back in ED hell again...

I mean, i know its probably the best for me, as i was (am?) overweight but still, the fact that people are constantly talking about "how terrible eds are" just really makes me feel weird about it.

everyone is super prorec and antiana, and they are always like "1000 kcal is for a baby" "starvation experimet bla bla" so im scared to post about this on my main blog. that just sounds so stupid! tumblr is literally for expressing yourself and im letting everyone make me feel so ashamed of such a big part of my life that i feel the need to hide it...

[itwasminttobee]

well it sure has been a long time since i posted anything on this blog sooooo

imma just use this place to went from now on

[itwasminttobee]

Welcome to the madness 🔥🔥🔥 vs. Stammi vicino, non te ne andare ❄️❄️❄️

[itwasminttobee]

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A post shared by JOHNNY WEIR (@johnnygweir)

JOHNNY DID EROS. BYE. 

[itwasminttobee]

Going on to tumblr and seeing posts about the upcoming yuri on ice movie and whats happening at the stage event makes me feel like kubo- sensei just kicked down my door, threw a sht ton of confetti in my face while simultaneously popping party poppers and yelling ���BTCH GUESS WHAATTT”

[itwasminttobee]

hmmmm

[itwasminttobee]

don’t talk to me or my 47 past due assignments ever again

[itwasminttobee]

[itwasminttobee]

[itwasminttobee]

crystal universe ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*