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TURИ - George Washington + maps

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That’s okay, I didn’t need my heart

(x)

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toooooo real 

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We blindfolded 15 homophobes and asked them to hit piñatas with a stick. The piñatas were actually deadly Asian giant hornet nests. What happens next will warm your heart.

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straight boys are weak and pathetic, queer girls walk into the ladies changing room and see ten women naked, do they stare? do they say something inappropriate? do they make them uncomfortable? no because they have the common fucking sense to recognise when a situation is sexual and that people deserve the most basic level of respect to not be harassed, yet here we are banning shorts and low cut tops in school because straight boys are weak and pathetic

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Government spying on me: how many times can one person listen to Hamilton oh my god

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That side of depression

Why do people never talk about the part of depression when you just don’t want anything anymore? Everybody talks about when it hurts like hell, when you cry, when you cut, when you take drugs, when you break down. But no one ever talks about when you just lay down in your room, with a hole inside of you that you don’t know how to fill, and you don’t want to do anything even the things you usually like. So you just spend your day kinda waiting for it to end. And it’s horrible because you feel empty and guilty for that at the same time. 

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Yes to literally everything on this list!

My TURN S4 Wishlist

_ Ben sharing a scene with Martha Washington.

_ Abigail & Robert teaming up against Arnold

_ Samuel & Robert Townsend meeting Mary

_ Abe having to chose between Anna & Mary and choosing Mary

_ Ben thanking Abigail for her incredible work

_ Ben meeting Rob Townsend

_ Caleb and Rob teaming up in a super badass commando operation or basically Rob saving Caleb’s ass

_ Billy Lee & Ben saving Washington

_ Hamilton & Lafayette teasing Ben after Washington praised him

_ Caleb & Washington worrying about Ben

_ Selah Strong returning with the Setauket boys to battle together

_ More Washington & Ben 

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You know the part in Hamilton where the chorus ominously sings about General Howe in New York Harbor, oh god there’s 32,000 troops in New York Harbor? Sounds like the Americans were freaked, right? And they were. But it’s also the 18th century so they’ve got more sass than sense which leads to one of my favorite George Washington anecdotes of all time:

So. Figuring that the Americans were all shitting their collective knickers about the huge show of force, the Howe brothers were like, “I bet we can take care of this without even fighting. Let’s offer them a chance to just back out of this whole independence thing.” Offering a parley, the Howe brothers sent a letter to George Washington on July 14, 1776.

Three of Washington’s officers met with the messenger but refused to touch the letter until they were told who it was addressed to. The messenger was like, “uh, George Washington, Esq. etc. etc.” Oh the 18th century shade. Esquire was used when no other titles were appropriate and the etc, etc was hella dismissive. Basically it was the equivalent of addressing the letter “George Washington, Whatever the Fuck.”

So Washington’s officers were like, “Sorry, bro, no one here by that name.”

And the messenger, who was pretty sure that George Washington was a real person, was like, “um, okay who should I tell them the letter should be addressed to then?”

The Americans’ answer: “General Washington. Punk.”

And the messenger was like, “oh hey come on, this is just a nice letter between bros, it’s not, like, a military letter,” but the Americans weren’t having any of it. So the messenger had to go back to the Howe brothers and tell them that their peace offering was rejected because they failed to pay the proper respect. The proper respect to a rebel general committing actual treason. The British weren’t having it.

So they tried it again on July 16 and Washington still refused to accept the letter and the British were privately all, “Who the fuck does this guy think he is? That backwater country bumpkin who STARTED AN ENTIRE WORLD WAR by accidentally allowing a French diplomat to get murdered on his watch sure thinks he’s something now, huh?”

But the next day they sent another letter and this time it said, “Your Excellency, General Washington.” Point, Washington.

(hey Chris Jackson, looking good)

And that would have been plenty hilarious, but when the British sent their emissary to go and try to broker a peace with him, George Washington showed up dressed to SLAY in the fly uniform he’d designed for himself. And he rolled up with the whole crew of hand picked hotties he’d selected as his personal guard. Washington, six foot two (or six feet, whatever, I’m sure he was in his boots) in full battle regalia was so impressive that the British emissary was totally overwhelmed and basically was like, “Your excellency, this” “Your excellency, that” but he still tried to give Washington the original letter addressed “George Washington, Esq. etc. etc.” and Washington STILL WOULDN’T TOUCH IT.

The emissary was like, “Okay, okay sorry. Listen we’re just trying to get out of this without killing anybody. And we could definitely kill everybody. I mean, that’s just facts, okay. So if you just say you’re sorry, the Howe brothers can pardon everyone and we all just pretend this never happened.” 

And Washington – and he knew full well at this point that they probably weren’t going to be able really defend New York City at this point – shoots back, “Can’t say sorry if we’re not sorry, can’t be pardoned if we’ve done nothing wrong. Want a snack before you go?”

And both parties went home and wrote letters to their friends basically saying, “WHAT A BUNCH OF DICKS, AMIRITE” about each other.

And if you ask me this is something you can love about being American.

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This is mesmerizing to watch.

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TURИ: What if George Washington definitely told bad dad jokes

‘Cause one joke isn’t enough for a celebration ^^

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Since my Historical Shitpost powerpoints always seem to make people laugh, Here’s the Beginning of Important Figures of the Revolution. This one will be presented in many, many parts! So here is part one! 

[Powerpoint on the Founding Mothers] [Powerpoint on the Founding Fathers]

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Why do Americans put the month first. It just makes no sense.

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Something good in this world…

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Preach🙌🏻