iwanttobeprettyboy

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

I feel so sick, today was my moms birthday so I ate a bit more than I normally do... maybe its because I’m starting to get a cold. Or maybe its due to the fact that I barely slept last night. But all I hope is that I didnt gain a kg. I would mentally fight myself if I managed to gain a kg in only one night after doing so well throughout the month.

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

Currently back to 56.3, family's been dealing with another cold- so I’m hoping to drop a bit from that too... maybe I can get back to under 55kg before next week-

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

Currently 56.8 kgs If I follow a strict 500 cal diet (Burns cals so I can only keep 500cals) I might be able to be my goal weight by may- BUT KNOWING ME ILL FUCK IT UP

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

Hi! Im semi back?

Been a while, Im more active on my instagram (which has since changed) my new vent user name is @/ final_words_on_page  I have been dealing with toxic friendships I cant seem to get out of, and its causing huge binge and relapses. But I will get back on track hopefully soon. Ill keep yall updated. -Flower

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

Persevere and fix him up the best you can. Hide your feelings, follow every command. Incoherent, everything’s corroding away. Oh, what a tragedy! You cannot help but be despicable.

R.I.P “You’re An Awful Person”

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

i need to make my goal ultimate weight of 45 kilos before October 3rd... I think I can do it 

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

Im not as active on here compaired to my instagram. I hate doing plug ins for my accounts but if you have instagram and want to add me its that same at here.

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

TW: Weight and Body Dysphoria

So I weighted in and saw I weighed 59.6kg after only weighing 58.7kg pounds only a week prior. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but its causing extreme dysphoria. I've been eating little and I have been exercising a ton. But my thighs are bigger and my stomachs so bloated. I'm not on my period but I've been craving sweats and spicy food so maybe its a sign of pre period bloat. But I'm tired of this. I just want to look so pretty to be loved by someone. I want to look in the mirror and feel so handsome. I want to look masculine and not feminine. I'm close to start looking in the wrong places for tips in and or asking others what I'm doing wrong. I'm just tired of this.... 

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

God I fucking love thinspo on Pinterest.

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

I want to sleep forever... wouldn’t it be lovely

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

Small tw: mentions of weight and talking down on my self proceed with cation I suppose - - - - - - So my weight hasn’t been the best lately. I at one point went to 57.7 kg (which to be honest is pretty good for some one whos like  149.86cm or 4′11) but recently its been fluctuating back in the high 59. range (its been 59.9 to 60 to 59.5 to 58.9 etc etc). But I think the worst part is I haven't gotten that lovely “cycle” this month after I had like 3 times in December/January. So honestly I dont know if my body is just done with my shit or if I’m overthinking like always. But I need to get back on track, no more listening to my cravings, no more being lazy. Maybe I can get sick I was a few days ago, when the smell and though of food made me sick. Maybe than, my body can get use to this, or maybe I need to fuck with my metabolism eat a ton one day, very little the next. But oh well Ill figure out something I suppose to make me look the way I want to.

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

To: Darren

So I went threw the unsent text message website for my old name and found one that I felt was called out for me... and since the communions aren't available I decided to do it here. To my Ex and see how it goes... maybe venting will help me lowkey who knows.  If words could describe the feeling I have towards you. But they sadly cant come to mind without tears forming in my eyes. I know I should have begged you to stay on that day. But no words could come out. I wish I could have told you that I am sorry for what every made you feel that way and that I was trying my best. But I couldnt, nothing wanted to come out. You weren't happy and I couldnt keep you anymore. I was a burden, I was a pain to deal with and I am truly sorry. I’m sorry I got to attached. I’m sorry I said I love you to early, I’m sorry I showed my body to you so you wouldn't leave me because you are more into sexual attractions than romantic ones. I’m sorry for venting and saying I wanted to end it all when I was at my lowest. I’m sorry I made you mad at me, I’m sorry for everything. I wish I could let go of your voice, your laugh, your smile, I wish I could let go of the late night calls, the fun we had, the games we shared. But I cant. I hope you find someone better. hotter. someone you could talk about to your parents in confidence. one you brag about. I hope your are happier... I hope nothing for the best.. even if it hurts me... because I was never yours... even if you said it I knew it wasn't true... It was too good to be true and this is why it hurts. Everything was too good to be true in the end. I just wish it didnt hurt as bad as it does now.

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

I just want to sleep, but I guess sleep is over rated... lovely

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

It was my birthday yesterday and I feel both drained and disgusted. I am emotionally drained for feeling like a mistake to a person and I feel disgusting because I binged so much that my stomach felt so bloated and made me feel nauseous (but since my body can’t vomit no matter if I am sick) I am dealing with repercussions and the disappointment. I’m scared to weigh in because of this… I don’t know what to do but the fact of I’m tired

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

I could really use a hug rn

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

I feel so disgusted with my self… here I am as a people pleaser trying to please everyone and my brian only to get threatened by a friend…

“I’d purge the thoughts of everyone I ever meet… why aren’t you happy?!”

[iwanttobeprettyboy]

“A love for me easily infected by fireworks and cinnamon gum around that wall”

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”W̷̧̻̮̜̘͖̬̹̜̖̆́̎̌͆́̒̕͜ͅi̵̼͔̦̯̾͗s̷̖̤̯̥̦̤̝̈́͊̈́͐͘h̴̢̙̹̠̪̣̘̹̀́̍͋̽̐͜͠͝͝ ̵̖͇̞̃̐̍̀̄́͘̚͠I̴̧̨̜̥̹̟͙̫̟̝͍͗̇̐̆̏͂̈̐͐̆͠͠…̴̖̾̔̐̉̃̓̕͠͝ ̴̢̛̩͖̩̲̼͚̳̒̿̈́͛̈̕͠w̵̡̡̡̼͔͎̲͙̲̟͇̹̎͑̎̿ą̴̛̽̃̓͛̈̕ş̶̛͇̠͔̥͎̲̫̋͒̿͆̂̍͛̌̐̈ ̶̛̰̤̝̳͉͚̌͆͗̎̇͆́̐̄̂̈́̓͘l̴̲̮̩̤̪̩̖̈͗̾̈̒̈̉́̅̐͌̑͜͝i̴̡̖̭̫̲̣̹̬̘̥̙͋̈́̑͜ͅḱ̴̡̢̛̝̜̪̤̣̙͑͒̌̓̾̀̒̏̕e̷̡̳͇͔͇͚͖̮̜̲̭͕͕͋̅́̀͛̆͋̐͘̕͝͝͠ ̶͇̲̙̻̮͎̭̥̳̩̭͈͒̍͜͠y̴̨͉̪̪̹͇̯͇͍̟͛ô̷̩͈̘͍͈̐̌̽͌u̸̧̹̼̠̗͇̪̥̖͍̣̓̈́̈̄̀̋̕͝͝ͅ…̷̡̢̻̜͆͊̂̒͌ ̴̡̢͈́̊̈́̐͋̅̈́͊͒̚p̶̨̪͉̼̱̻̗̟̖̈́̋̊ě̵̲͙̣̱͓̼̰̞̝̮̱̺͗̊͗̀̊͆̔̂͜͠͝͝r̵̢̝̼͎͕͙̞̱̹̙̳̩̫̦̓͗̌ͅf̴̟̻̦̻̻̲̻͚͔͕̮̭̙̥̔̇̊̍͆̀̏̎̾̕͜͝ë̶̪̲͎̯̤̩̱̙̬͚̼͕̯́̈̈͑̆͂͂͘͜͠c̷̢̡̡̫͇̟̭̈́̂̕ͅt̶̘̜́̔̑̍̈́̒͛̎͝ ̸̮͖̮̰͍̖̣̱͐̋̑̐͠”