iwillchangemymind

[iwillchangemymind]

Dissociative experiences in patients with epilepsy

[iwillchangemymind]

"M-current activation interacts with previously described mechanisms to dramatically reduce intrinsic excitability and shorten working memory timespan. Thus, psychedelic drugs suppress intrinsic excitability by modulating ion channels that are expressed throughout the brain, potentially triggering homeostatic adjustments that can contribute to widespread therapeutic benefits"

[iwillchangemymind]

The Gala Festival Yesterday

with Danni, Sam, Rueben, Kitty and HARRY

DRINKS - 2-3 beers

KET - took a lot to feel a high Does not mix well with alcohol or tabacco (feels like throwing up)

PILL - took 1/4, felt nothing

SHROOM DROPS - took 2-3 drops, felt nothing

[iwillchangemymind]

Loss of judgement of self after a seizure

Something that happens just after I have a seizure, or even more so after a cluster of them, is that I somehow lose the indoctrinated feeling that I must think before I talk, research, back up, and worst of all, doubt before I put an idea out to the world.

It’s like I am able to return to this childhood state in my head, that whatever comes to me, whatever ideas my heightened creative self induces, I say it, I write it down, I want to tell the world everything that is happening in my mind, like a child who just would not shut up.

I guess this is where the Gerschwind syndrome symptoms make sense: 

Stickiness - wanted to tell people everything.  Overshare.  So many ideas just spurring in the mind that just needs to get out.

Hypergraphia - if no one is there to listen, the piece of paper is always here for me.  The pen and paper immediately become my best friends.

[iwillchangemymind]

Another one... post aura, didn’t go into a full seizure this time.  Since when was I able to draw like that?

[iwillchangemymind]

This is NUTS.

Absolutely nuts. I decided to write upside down again just for fun. As I knew that I could do it.

And then I thought… what if there was a scenario one day, when somebody asked me - “what if you tried to write upside down and mirrored?”

Impossible. I thought to myself. What would that even look like?

I began to scribble. Without thought, knowing it would be completely wrong, left to right, right to left, my tired mind at 11:30 something at night…

and as I scribbled …”would look like….” and flipped the page around…

Wait a minute…. Had I just done it?

Impossible.

Do it again.

And there, my mind began to doubt. That moment when I proved myself the impossible was possible that my mind began to doubt how I could reproduce it, the fear of not being able to reproduce it again took over.

Thinking kills all sense of intuition I wrote

[iwillchangemymind]

Aren’t I glad that I know art

27th August 2022

Yesterday it happened again… the kitchen I was standing in somewhat began to look distorted, the shapes of the kettle, the toaster, the fridge began to warp in size, walking closer and further away from me. There I was, only me and the space of the kitchen. The rest of the house had disappeared in my side vision. I was engulfed in a curiously looking little kitchen somewhat resembling one of a doll house, a spotlight on me.

Next thing that came was not so magical looking. I awoke next to my mother asking her where I was, and after being reassured and brought back to earth, I walked into a kitchen, a broken glass on the floor, drops of blood on the floor. Where had this come from? I touched the back of my head. The bruise that I felt must have been more than a bruise.

I woke up this morning feeling like shit.

If I was a person working in a desk job, completing tasks completely irrelevant and indistinguishable with my emotions, I may not be here. How I would just endlessly feel bad for myself with no one who cared to speak this to.

[iwillchangemymind]

Iohna’s red leather seats

I woke up and Iohna had her hand wrapped around my right hand. I looked around.  Indy on the very left, then Fenella, then Juliet, then Iohna.  All on the floor with me.  Surrounded by love. “Okay.  I know who you all are.”  I recalled. Iohna’s hand still wrapped around mine.

“Here, have some water, as she passed me my magnesium filled last sips of water in my large plastic litre and a half large bottle.

“Is someone home?”  She asked.

“No, my mum left to Hong Kong this morning - “ I answered without hesitation, to myself.

“Where’s my car?!”  I continued to ask myself out loud.

“It’s okay.  Take your time”  Iohna replied gently and reassuringly. A fun conversation she continued then with Juliet.

She drove me home... all the way to Walpole Place.

Her husband had decided to pick her daughter to up from school that day.  The odd day where this event would happen - and she was let off the task to do so that afternoon.

We walked together to her car parked at the Tanya Pearson staff parking out the back.  A white car half big, half small, the size of a car I expected her to drive.  In we went - red and white leather seats.  hahaha - kind of what I imagined...

“Brice has been gone for a while hasn’t he?” “Yes, he missed his plane last week...”  as I continued to tell the story. “Ah... so that’s how to gap happened -” Her smart brain figured.  “Well tell him that he owes me the biggest bottle of wine

She continued insist to walk me up all the way up the Walpole Place driveway to the stairs - and continued to give me the biggest tightest hug in the world.

“Text me tonight at 10 o’clock before you sleep.” she insisted at the particular hour. “And again in the morning when you wake up.” she insisted again with her motherly instinct