iwishiwasinyourarms-blog - Tumblr blog

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

another white male's opinion women didn't ask for

me: *watching friends and doing a full face of makeup*(which isn't that unnormal)

my uncle: what are you putting on makeup? where are you going?

me: literally nowhere? i'm just bored.

uncle: that's not how you're supposed to wear it. women are only supposed to wear makeup if they're going out.

me: yeah, i don't think you get to decide that

uncle: well, i like it when a woman doesn't wear makeup

me: and thats why you're 30 and still dont have a girlfriend

uncle: yeah, well. your makeup looks trashy

me: and? i didn't say i was good at it, did i? *as a matter of fact, it looks fucking great*

uncle: takes his pie and leaves the room

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

this girl literally after she finished the reading portion in like 30 minutes, moved her chair and slept on the floor. dead ass. 

in honor of the psat, here’s all the shit i’ve seen people do after finishing standardized tests

one guy colored all 7 of his pencils black with a sharpie

the same guy then proceeded to color the bottom of his stark white shoes pitch black

one girl who braided her hair maybe 20 times

multiple people sleeping

a dude who went through the whole reading section in two minutes selecting random answers then passed out

a group of guys seeing how many curse words they could mouth to each other without getting caught

some girl who replaced the batteries in her calculator 37 times (i counted)

two guys in the back who texted each other through their calculators

a boy in middle school who after finishing broke all of his pencils in half until he had about 20 small useless pencils

a girl who repeatedly tried to shoot her hair tie at the teacher (she only hit him once and he didn’t notice)

another girl who was trying to blow the biggest bubble with her gum and ended up having to go to the bathroom because it went up her nose

one of my friends who drew tattoos up and down both of her arms with sharpie (it didn’t come out for two weeks)

another kid who did the same thing but on hands and legs

a couple in the room that had a fight by mouthing words back and forth (found out after they broke up that same day)

two guys who tried to erase their skin and the first one to bleed won

and finally

a girl who literally brought nail polish and painted her nails a lovely shade of purple after she finished

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

NO CHANGE 

-and i like how A (no change) was in all caps. like can you stop yelling at me pls

Me, signing the student contract confirming I will not share any psat data at all outside of the test, knowing full well I’m gonna be churning out memes the second the bell rings:

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

JAEFBENSVILJZD VIOARBVNWIO I HATED THAT QUESTION 

America (excluding Wisconsin), crying: why do you need so much cheese

Wisconsin: mozzarella bitch :)

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

oh my god i literally got this question and it was like IN GRAMS how many MILLIMETERS big is the bumblebees head. and im like what the fuck ?? 

psat question: how big is this bumblebee’s head?

me, sobbing into the scantron: so,,, very small

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

being bisexual is also typing KJSNFJLASDNCIDSNF and “what a mood” at everything you come across. 

DID SOMEONE SAY * CRACKS KNUCKLES *#BIWEEK !? 

let’s do this. 

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

im a gemini and i can say this is 110% accurate 

The Signs as Girlfriends

Aries: At first appears shy, but is actually fiercely protective and outgoing, all they need is to feel comfortable and they’ll come out of their shell. Lots of wrestling and neck kisses, able to unhinge her jaw like a snake. Constantly devouring small animals whole when she thinks you’re not looking. 

Taurus: Quirky and fun. Lots of hand holding and tight tight hugs. Can sometimes have difficulty voicing how she feels, and so shows affection through actions rather than words. She only feels comfortable speaking in words she has stolen from other lesser girlfriends. Wants her mouth back.

Gemini: More controlling than some people would like, knows all your casual little kinks, idly plays with your hair. Playful bites. Intense skincare routine, made of porcelain, joints bend backwards. During quiet moments you catch her staring dreamily at you.

Cancer: Big sweaters and warm drinks. Constantly wants attention in small ways. Would prefer to just be in the room with you whenever she can. Wants to play video games with you but her claws make it difficult. Sleepy a lot, especially during winter and rainstorms. 

Leo: Always taking pictures with you. Super outgoing, loves to show you off to other people, even when it can be awkward. Can be a little jealous, to the point of exploding into a cloud of sentient mist that only leaves bones behind. Never stops flirting with you.

Virgo: Eager to a fault, she never stops wanting to try new things with you. Impulsive and adventurous. Host to a colony of parasitic invertebrates that feed on knowledge. A knack for fixing things and a wellspring of trivia.

Libra: Charming as all hell, content with a simple, classic relationship. Lots of movie dates and night drives. Corny but sincere. Never sleeps. Confused by electronics. Always wearing the same set of clothes. Makes noises like intense radio static when scared. 

Scorpio: Hoodie thief extraordinaire. Tons of inside jokes. You feel like you’ve known her forever. Extremely knowledgeable about poisons. Two sets of eyelids. Asks a lot of questions about your blood. Always concerned for your health.

Ophiuchus: Sarcastic, wise beyond her years. No hair due to the burn scars. Good with her hands. Expert marksman. Handmade prosthetic arm. Wanted for piracy. Able to sleep pretty much anywhere.

Sagittarius: Constantly wrapped in a blanket. The epitome of netflix and chill. Can drink you under the table. A good listener. Overwhelmingly strong. Scars from where manacles were branded to her flesh. 

Capricorn: Knows a little bit about just about everything. Witty jokes and gentle roasting. Loves hearing about your interests. Pet falcon that watches you all the time. Every member of her family also has a surprisingly well trained pet falcon and owns the same curved sword. 

Aquarius: Competitive and carefree. Encourages you to practice your interests.  Bites her lip when she sees you. Infectious smile. Brags about you. Refers to you as an endovertebrate. 

Pisces: Loves to make you things. Buys you lots of small presents. Loves just listening to you talk. Bio-luminescent blood. Completely prehensile limbs. Very thoughtful.

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

my uncle: “just know. that before your first date, your dad will tell your boyfriend that a bullet moves faster after 10 pm”

me: (a closeted bisexual human being with a girlfriend): *laughing and smiling into my fist* because a) IM VERY GAY (actually bi but okay) and b) had a date yesterday WITH MY GF and he didn’t fuckin suspect a damn thing.

me: “um okay. yep. sure.”

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

does anyone have that meme of all the Avengers in infinity war and its like Tom Holland on lip-sync battle (the rihanna one bc its iconic) and like Robert Downey Jr. holding up a cat like its Simba and just all the other Avengers doing really stupid but funny shit? and the caption is like “these are the people fighting and protecting us?”

[iwishiwasinyourarms-blog]

Leo: I am the ultimate third wheel

Hazel, holding Frank's hand: What makes you say that?

Jason, cuddling with Piper: Yeah, you shouldn’t think that way.

Percy, making out with Annabeth: Completely untrue

Leo: Wow, I have levelled up to the seventh wheel. I am truly powerful