ixtalifortula

[ixtalifortula]

Actual interaction between me and my mother

“If I didn’t see you then you didn’t do it”

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Guardian: "You are an idiot. A cute idiot, but still an idiot."

Cayde-6 : "I-- Well."

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Me walking into the crucible knowing damn well i suck at it

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SHOOT HIM IN HIS FUCKLEGS

2 Modes of Eliksni English-Speaking

Variks: Listen long enough and I will tell you of great eliksni heroes from the days of the great machine

Spider: Tarn Fucklegs stole my stolen shipment. Go shoot him in his fucklegs.

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Keeping Uldren’s past a secret from him is going to be so hard because he’ll keep asking/doing things and everyone will have to use 100% of their self restraint to keep a straight face.

———–

Uldren: So the Scorn are corrupted Fallen?

Guardian: Yeah basically.

Uldren: I wonder how that happened.

Guardian: *Sweating nervously*

———–

Uldren: I met the Awoken Queen earlier and she’s a huge jerk, why would anyone like her?

Guardian: *Trying to keep a straight face* I have no idea.

———–

Uldren: Why are there only two Vanguards if there’s three classes of Guardians?

Guardian:

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Close up of the doll jacket #handpainting #bts #bangtansonyeondan #방탄소년단 https://www.instagram.com/p/BzWFsJrhDkV/?igshid=163arp9c8r4gp

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Okay so because of this

I HAVE to post this

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Big pokémon Go mood

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YOU CAN PUT BASKETBALL SHOES ON THAT GIANT MONSTER HORSE

horses are inherently funny because they come in so many sizes. like draft horses

this looks so fake. this horses skull is bigger than the dudes entire torso. this horses NECK is thicker than the dudes entire BODY.

and then at the opposite end of the spectrum you have shit like this shetland pony which ALSO looks fake

what the hell happened to this thing who bred this line of ponies to be so ridiculous

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Lol I made a friend that way. I stood next to them for 5 minutes while they were frozen in mid air

You know that thing in The Tower where you’re going from The Courtyard to The Bazaar, but the area hasn’t loaded in yet so you just:

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It's late at night, the power is out, you're alone. You hear this sound coming towards you. What do.

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Listen up. There is literally an app that can help you avoid self harm and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it.

Calm Harm can be tailored to your needs and will provide strategies to help you get past those crucial moments of wanting to harm.

It’s also totally FREE.

once again, it’s called CALM HARM

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A friendly ghost rest stop before you continue your day! 💗

Loading Penguin Hugs | Instagram | Patreon

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That would explain why I don't remember anything before my sophmore year of highschool when I met my husband

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hey everyone, i hate playing crucible, thanks for coming to my ted talk