izachnewton - Tumblr blog

[izachnewton]

hobbits were the peak of civilization in tolkien verse. jobs were Gardening, Stall At The Farmer’s Market, or Mailman. Shoes OFF, capris ON, 6 meals a day, high and fat as all shit. Names like Daddy Twofoot….why the fuck are we horny for elves

[izachnewton]

Okay apparently some hotel in Tehran already made a stage adaptation of Corpse Bride and went balls to the walls with the costumes and sets??

[izachnewton]

that ‘pakige?’ post but me, a couple hours after posting a fic, like ‘comints?’

[izachnewton]

How Ponify ruined my life

Possibly the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me occurred today. So I’m in a creative writing class at university right now and we had to print out twenty-five copies of our first, one page assignment to distribute to the class. I had to print mine at the computer lab as I don’t have a printer, but here are the three crucial facts that made this the worst mistake of my life.

1. Sometimes, when you log into Google on Chrome, it activates all of your extensions, even ones you’ve deactivated.

2. In high school, my friends and I got really into Ponify (a words replacing chrome extension) and switched the preferences so we could read political articles and have congress get into a “rousing snow ball fight” and the like.

3. Ponify reverted to its original My Little Pony lingo when opened on a new computer’s chrome.

So when I distributed my twenty-five copies of this I noticed the word “everypony”, my heart seized up and dropped into my stomach, and with my imminent death approaching, I began furiously correcting all twenty-five of them. My teacher, confusedly, agreed to let me correct them as I was too infuriated and ashamed to say my mistake aloud. 

I just realized, however, that the line “as she watched the binding fall away in her hand” was changed to “as she watched the binding fall away in her hoof”. 

And I just had to send this email:

And basically I’m ready for death how was your day

[izachnewton]

oh u can have this post i don’t want it

[izachnewton]

[izachnewton]

sorry if i’m being a party pooper but because rabies is apparently the new joke on here ??? please remember that rabies has an almost 100% fatality rate after symptoms develop so if you’re bitten or scratched by an animal that you aren’t 100% sure is vaccinated then GO TO A DOCTOR. it’s not a joke. really. 

[izachnewton]

GET WREKT LIGHT

[izachnewton]

Unexpected but greatly fascinating sports headline

[izachnewton]

one of my coworkers tried to advocate for me during her exit interview bc of the 20k pay disparity between me & another person in my year but it sounds like it went really badly & she called me to be like uhhhh so if management retaliates against you just fyi it’s mostly their fault but also kind of mine so i’ll write you a really nice reference letter for your next job

[izachnewton]

Ngl that’s gotta be one of the weirder misreadings of a song I’ve found

[izachnewton]

How in god's name is my landlord ghosting me after I reported sexual assault by another tenant WHEN RENT IS DUE

[izachnewton]

[izachnewton]

sorry sir that is yassified information

[izachnewton]

scroll down for a pupper

APRIL FOOLS! IT WAS A KITTY INSTEAD!!

Hope everyone has a scare-free April Fools day! ^^

[izachnewton]

YESSSS