j-mats - Tumblr blog

[j-mats]

J mat 14

Im sorry that the female character in the hypothetical and imaginary story offended you.

Hey gunnar nelson. Oh yeahh i am that guy

Scene: guy tastes slime on ground n spits it out. "Its posion" with a confident professional voice.  Then face plant. Check pulse "hes dead" "o shit"

I get fuxked legally. Nicotine alcohol weed coffine

Cult leadr fukn wives. If theres a god would he respect the strategy. If som animal did that

Jihads talkin. Derka derka swakihili jerico... why is he talkin like that. Hes danish

I went to a cabin this weekend w som girls..

Have you ever had 9 hands on your dick while youre in a hottub? Yh me either

Just a thought u kno thatbe cool. If were being realistic tho thered be 2 guys there too tho.. ((lying in tub dick flex pose))its not gay they just dont want to be left out.. and i understand it....*laugh at thought n smile* then cum animation w the bottle

..that actually turned be on tbh that was not part of the bit.. would 7 girls be enough to block out the gayness? Is that my threshold? I need 7 girls to do something gay..

So im 7 girls straight...

How straight are you sir??

Dammn this guy makes me look gay

This guy isnt talking about 7 girls in a hot tub he needs 40 girls and a fucking throne to do something gay..

7girlsunatub miss me w that gay shit

what the fuck is ge going to do to those women

I need the back button becus i press everything

Video chat n headphonr on the phonr with me in a call. Headphones and my face on the screen on a phone ok?

2much screen u look at a mirror loke wow thats HD

Ah shit guys.. GUYS we lost human knowledge (point) "wha? Ah fuvk

Hit me as hard as u can.. oughhhh i was fuckinf with you man its a real bat wtf

And all ten of them said it was vision into thefuture

Eg ætla pissai rumið AAAAAAAAGGGGHH

Have you ever fucked with a security guard to get a ride out of this place

Then you go check if the gold is real. Sometimes itis smtmes not. Sometimes its just the fucking left nut of jesus big veiny chunk of gold.

I feel like the religion guys forgot to put that in. God son had testicles of gold. My god that is impressive

It cost 1313 n iwas like "hey.. the same number twice....sweet" then i walked away pretending not to have had that thought.

I decided to just let this day happen and see what comes out of it. So i bought the potatoes n then asked people if they wanted a potato. Nobdy did. Then i asked this girl if she wanted to throw potatoes with me. So we looked for a spot where it was socially acceptable to throw potatoes... couldnt find it so we threw them at a sign and the occasional window.

Normal person reaction to a car. "Hey wow cool car cool wheels bet it could go fast."

I dont belive in cops. Cops are just a myth lets crime.

I started jerking off while i held eye contact with this guy and he just left the church like whata betacuck right? *phone ring* ey holdon

Big balls award big dick goes to the word swamp. Swamp has done a great job through out many conversations and broughtmany people joy.

Honorable mentions go to uh frogs

When your White skin tells u the lyrics

Wyd lately. Pissed ofa mountain swallowed a fly. Mt name esjan. Fly name i dno prbly something like uh timmy. He yu know. By the way it was flying. It flew like a timmy

Why is it always such a big deal in movies when someone yells at d driver.

"Why is he yelling at me?? AAAAGGGGHHHH" AND crash inyo a tree

Ad: eg heiti saga og eg var i dopi þegar eg var yngri

Testo hormon in girls. Enlarged clits n fucking wierd shit. They glitched their biology.

"O yea i fucked round w som hormones now my biology is glitching"

If hes gota translator you know hes good

Stone age masturbation.

Did they just start jerkin off. Oh sry i just came on your leg there. "I dont fucking like that" and just killim. 

And they third guy was like "o shit ima jerk off in private n

(walk off still jerking it)

(That dude probably cant take me n start jizzin on him)

-----

Or being gay in the stoneage mustve been weird

[j-mats]

J mat 15

Things that can fly walking

Only reason im alive be ause ppl who want to kill me have to get on stage to do it.      People judging in audience wtf you stabbed him in the neck man thats a bitch move

Im kinda dissapointed that my phone cant walk.

.put it on d floor. Look it doesnt do anything. I have to do everything. U kno poke it in the right place. U know back in the day if u were poking something man you were probably retarded.

Man back in the day people were working the engines hitting eachother w abig stick

W afan

I wanna go see a farm..but i might get murdered. Raped. I wanna go see..

Evolution. Became huge beasts killers while humans were like "this place is uncomfortable. Make bed house fire. Thaat thing is annoying lets make something that kills it

I wanna do this! Oh wait that requires time and effort

Flying suit jumping. It seems like alot of funi want to do it. U know what also seems fun. Getting a bunch of friends together and shoot an arrow sttaight up in the air. Seems like alotta fun. But im not gona do it

Havna bby. Build tv ill bring a remote. Divorce n takes tv fucking whore

Im not following a fire it killed. N he said no that huy lived

How did they meet each other "im huge bro bro im huge too" and they were just friends after that. Hafthor crew

Feel like its alot easier to get someone to kill me here

Dont pretend you dont care about that 1 sports. You are americans sports is a religion here

Im not black... but i feel black when i watch basketball. When a black guy dunks a white im like "yeah fuck you white guy.. this aint yo sport"

Frozon usain bolt

"I cant improvise" huh? Like what you mean. Your whole life is improvised.

God just threw u here babayvoixe* "what should i do?? "I dno fuckoff im never talking to you again do whatever" but can i call you. Can i pray. Yeah but nothing is gonna happen

And he had big long and veiny(heart)) ...just pumping and pumping (heart)).. actually now that i think about it that might have been his cock and he molested me..(and i was molested)

Whos insecure anout his sexuality. Im notgaybut i like hot water on my ass in the shower.....

 excetra(more things)....thinking of all those things for a joke

Why are people in such a hurry to go 60 mph

I was laying there like this picture me naked. Alright stop you guys . Have you ever been with a thousand people who are picturing you naked dude.. its even wierder then it sounds.   

But anyways i was laying in bed likethis.. mmmmm this is so nice i love this.. then my girlfriend started banging on the door GUNNAR GUNNAR GuN- What you fucking whore.. and then she broke up with me         (B)

Hve u ever been so fked u forget ur fked.

2higj talkin to 2 girls

Inside artificial playground. U dont even know why youre tgere ur mom just went be a kid here now. Wow just 30 secs ago i was a kid over there now im a kid here AAAAAAAGGGGHJJJ Then you just start running through a tube like a psycho n then u meet another kid in the tube n ur like "who the fuck is this dude"

2 numbers cant be a pattern. 1 mathmetician watching this YEAss you can! With a math joke that no1 gets except his one friend that he explained it to 3 times and he thought it was ok

Sleepin in area51

This guy had a triple x tat on his neck n scar inhis face. I asked him if he had stories. "Nah not really" i went huhh? It was dissapointing but here are some stories i thought he was gona tell:

((Hardcore voice))

1. I was working as a bouncer right 'thats tight' i said. This guy broughtabanana ther n kielled him son 'right on' i said

))Then i chopped his hand off oh thats that talibanana i says((

Modern aciencw is basically magic...

Back in the day they wuld b like thats magic dude and then they would die of illness at 23

Cut to character on the phone "the fucking whore took the kids"

Call theo.

Its Gunnar from iceland

 Im illegaly high right now allegedly sitting in my igloo fucking my cousins.. and uhh a polar bear ate one of my cousins actually.. but thats okay.

[j-mats]

J mat 16

Id want to be the son of the king who fucks up the empire n go down as the idiot with 500 children

4 kids teamworking tothrow a huge s

Comedian or death

Working with a guy whos one broken window from a suicide. Window breaks n reacts instantly n jumps out

Midget episode

Humans in snow is a lqte game strategy

Þegar enemy *runs away in fear* þegar þu ert last hit er literallly amen

Create website to help people who are overweight and respond to shaming in a way that motivates them.

Wich is better advice

Go on a diet and hit the gym. Or keep getting fatter until you die

I forgot i have continue. Being on stage after i tell that joke

Id go out with the best trans girl. Yes i know its not a competition relax. Its just that me and everyone else views at as a competition.

Like robot fights are a real possibility in the future

Robot fights. And the usa robot. And all the americans are just cumming in the audience just fucking *wiggling in seats* just a nationorgasm.

I feel like im so wierd but i dont care atallllhah

Things you never realized. A talking donkey is worth 10 silver if u can prove it

We just come from the people who survived long enough to have a baby.. not that impressive

Will there ever be a time ppl will stop saying life is hard. Bed stat

If it works it works. Thats the code for the malebrain....<->

I was one of the babies who pissed in the doctors face. That must be a shitty job like on paper its ypu get to be there when a new life enters this world. But its probably like "YO bobby its your fucking turn i took the last two" "fuck hes right it is my turn. Then you have to listen to fucking screams and vaginas opening and fucking blood everywhere and now theres fucking crying too and then the baby pisses in your face likee fuuuuuuuuck. But if youre in china u can just throw it if its a girl

"Some women hv never experienced orgasm" thats crazyy i had like 5000 orgasms... by the time i was 14

For the sex that talks less about our problems we have less issues about our problems. Were cool with problems. "Bro im traumatized by my childhood" o shit bro lets go ---

When i saw my stretch marks i was like "o shit i got like scars here how did i get those thats coo" n moved on w my life. Then i found out like ppl are insecure about that

I die i leave i live again

Id vape in his cum infested room and say "ahh look out hos cum is airborne" then hed do it t me then i actually ejaculeted into the air then we stopped being friends after that dno why

Have you guys seen harry potter. Remember when there was just some guy in the chest

Its nice you dont have to think about what ur gona do after death

If youre the only one walking(skating) with a vape you know ypure the idiot of the group.

When u wake up gain a passive boner effect

Skate walking* gaur þegar eg er buin að riða konnuni þunni og er að hlaupa i burtu með nærbuxunar niðri

Aquaman. Aqua. Waterman. Thats who hias name is. Waterman whata bitch

In middleschool i went to some school trip to a theater and the actor didnt have underwear on. And i looked at the teachers face and it confirmed it

Working in gardening for 2years and walkin in the garden and appreciate their work(i know thr guys who did it

"Damn my boys did a good job"

I took an iq test n it said i have 62

Humans have all traits of behavior... aggresive .

Testing nuclear bombs is funny

O shit theres 200people at my age in this house"

Heres porn so ypu can get ha- "im alre

ady hard " o okay whats your secret? "Im always hard" ......... must get wierd at .. family dinner "it does get weird" wt bout aftr se- "still hard"

)next guy comes in "who the fk are you the jerk off bouncer?

)turns out jerk off bouncer is homeless n nt a real job

2 reactions to bees slap runn other.. relax youre not the only one whos about the bees.. over there thinking "yOurr not sssbpusoe to hurt bees ok?"

First time you tried eating while taking a shit. This is wrong

Walle delusional robot making buildings out of trash. Harraser.

You see one shitty person and you assume thats the whole generationþ

[j-mats]

J mat 17 (unfinished)

4 kids teamworking tothrow a huge snowball over the fence. Get the snoeball on him. Like just talking more like. And they barely made it over the fence wich was impressive honestly. But it was also pathetic because they are just children. And i wss walking hom from school like wtf

Between two ferns betveen my balls mate

You are so fucking funny you should get bonus money. Pay this guy extra for that joke. If you guys got a good joke go for it. But if it sucks ill be mad and i wont laugh and it will be embarrasing for you but ill respect you for rolling that dice.

If the quiet place thing happened in real life would you make sounds likr "blaaaaaaaggggghhhhggh"

Equal pay. Turns out women were just slacking in the workplace

Fyrsti gæinn sem segir "vont kaffi"

Jesus.jpg spongebob

Call me the rock. Like say hey "

the rock" im turned back and look back with tock eyebrow

Do u rly think hes only an asshole to gays. Like hes walking round all friendly. Goomornin neighbour o keep the change. Stops a few crimes then sees you* FUCKING FAGGOT FUCKYOU GO DIEEEEE

What were the weirdest moments in your life.

Shameful moments as a kid.

Idiot friend moments as a kid.

Bad vision nightmaris things. Facing.