j3ssk1mo - Tumblr blog

[j3ssk1mo]

☠ goulie-girl Follow

my vampire gf cant visit my crypt cuz they fucking buried me in a church cemetery fuck my entire unlife i wish i killed myself when i was alive

👻 creeps-and-crypts Follow

Hey. No. I killed myself when I was alive and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. You do not get to joke about that shit just because youre dead. Suicide jokes are never funny.

☠ goulie-girl Follow

its not a joke im serious. if i had just offed myself when i had the chance my grave wouldnt be holy ground and my girlfriend wouldnt literally burn when she enters my crypt.

🧛‍♂️ spike-through-the-heart Follow

oh if its holy ground thats the issue you just gotta figure out a way to desecrate it

☠ goulie-girl Follow

okay like how

🦇 unsound-familiar Follow

ill kill myself over ur grave if u want

☠ goulie-girl Follow

thanks but im not looking for a roomie

🧹 doubledoubletoilettrouble Follow

desecration potion

🧪 hexes-and-exes Follow

potion of desecration

🐸 wartsandall Follow

loOking for a poTion that deSecraTes? haVe I got the PotiOn for You 💋😋😜

☠ goulie-girl Follow

great the hexbots found my post

🧛‍♀️ i-bid-u-velcome Follow

babe just come over to my castle

☠ goulie-girl Follow

ur hellhound scares me

[j3ssk1mo]

[j3ssk1mo]

[j3ssk1mo]

[j3ssk1mo]

this is me all day

[j3ssk1mo]

Me when I use the blender that makes 50% of all turtles feel immeasurable pain

[j3ssk1mo]

His Lucky Star

Awhile ago I asked for sonamy headcanons (and I’m always hungry for more!) and I received the most beautiful headcanon from @hedgethemaze and I just had to illustrate it!

Thank you @hedgethemaze for the opportunity to draw your short story 😊

You can read Hedge’s original headcanon below the cut:

Sonic and Amy’s favorite nighttime pastime is stargazing 🌙​⭐​🌠​👀​

Amy enjoys making out constellations and discovering new figures drawn in the sky and would occasionally make up stories with them – She knows Sonic finds this a bit childish, but appreciates that he doesn’t let it show and listens to her stories, instead (even participating once in a while, throwing in some action to keep them from being too daydream-y lol).

Sometimes, looking at the stars would remind Sonic of Starfall Islands – of cyber space – of Amy being at arm's length yet, an entire plane of existence out of his reach. The thought makes him reach for her hand as they lay on their backs on the grass, with a whole new appreciation for the feel of her hand nestled in his - Amy, aware of the gnawing memory, would shift her hand and intertwine their fingers, successfully chasing the memory away.

And some other times, she’d say those stories are just bedtime-story-practice to tell their 'future' child/children, only to tease him because there’s nothing as amusing to her as watching Sonic go from cool blue to cherry red live in record time 😆

About stargazing - it occurred to me that it could be more than likely for Sonamy to catch sight of a shooting star.

Well, I imagine Sonic would notice Amy staring at the shooting star in silence, knowingly waiting for her to say something but then the star disappears from view and he'd say "huh... kinda thought you were gonna wish something for a sec,"

Amy, realizing what he means, would jump a little on her spot next to him, they'd still be holding hands, but she scooches over and rests her head on his shoulder.

"Oh! Well, actually," she rubs her cheek on his shoulder and her grip on his hand tightens "I have everything I could wish for already."

Sonic notes she's got her eyes closed, now more interested in the warmth their bodies are sharing amidst the nightly breeze. Sonic blushes, hoping in vane she doesn't notice his body getting warmer at her statement.

"What about you? Don't you have any wishes?" Amy is genuinely curious (she can feel his awkwardness, so she doesn't tease him 'this time').

Sonic looks away, the hand that's not being held by Amy scratches a very reddish cheek, taking a deep breath to cool himself, "Nah..." the shyness quickly evaporating from his voice and he braves returning her gesture by, ever so slightly, snuggling against the top of her head. Leaving Starfall in the past, to focus on the present, Sonic's already made up his mind. "I'm good, Ames."

[j3ssk1mo]

[j3ssk1mo]

Doctor prescribed me 100mg of true love’s kiss

[j3ssk1mo]

you're not ascending to godhood you're just dehydrated

[j3ssk1mo]

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[j3ssk1mo]

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

[j3ssk1mo]

I was trying to find out if Kermit was eligible to be pope and I found a blog that says he's the perfect example of a catholic priest

[j3ssk1mo]

My boyfriend prefers his mattresses firm, and I need a soft mattress. He prefers his food temperate while I like my food hot and spicy. This is another good reason to not have a kid, because even if the kid averages out and prefers everything in the middle, there's the risk of some blonde bitch breaking into our house to rummage through our stuff.

[j3ssk1mo]

hold on a second man…

[j3ssk1mo]

the term "i love to boggy" will now be incapable of leaving my lexicon anytime soon