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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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I made a new blog

I decided that I’m going to move to a new blog, because this one has stuff I’m embarrassed by, stuff I’ve changed my opinions on, and has some bad memories attached to it. And even if I delete all those old posts, the way this site works, a lot of it would still be floating around. So I’m moving to a new blog where hopefully I’ll be less of an idiot. If any of you want to follow my new blog, throw me an ask.

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

Text

I made a new blog

I decided that I’m going to move to a new blog, because this one has stuff I’m embarrassed by, stuff I’ve changed my opinions on, and has some bad memories attached to it. And even if I delete all those old posts, the way this site works, a lot of it would still be floating around. So I’m moving to a new blog where hopefully I’ll be less of an idiot. If any of you want to follow my new blog, throw me an ask.

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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Everybody talks about Anastasia, which is a shame, because it’s a far less interesting example of Russian fake heir drama than that whole business with the False Dmitries.

Okay, so Ivan the Terrible’s youngest son, Dmitry, was assassinated in 1591 at the age of 8. Fast-forward nine years, and there’s a guy going about Eastern Europe claiming that he is Dmitry, having secretly escaped the assassination attempt and lived in hiding under a false identity ever since. This sort of business isn’t too unusual, but this guy actually pulls it off, managing to gain the Russian throne and rule for nearly eleven months before being dragged from the palace and publicly executed in early 1606. He’d subsequently go down in history as False Dmitry I.

Here’s where it gets interesting. In mid 1607, a second impostor declares himself. Bizarrely, this one doesn’t dispute the first impostor’s legitimacy; instead, he claims to be the same guy, having miraculously survived his apparent execution the year before. He somehow wins the political support of False Dmitry I’s widow, and with her vouching for his identity, he gains the allegiance of the Cossacks, rallies an army over 100 000 strong, and tries to “take back” the throne. Though his march on Moscow ultimately failed, he successfully conquered most of Southeastern Russia, which he would rule until his untimely death in December of 1610, when he was beheaded in a drunken altercation with a Tartar prince. The history books know him as False Dmitry II.

Now jump ahead three months to March of 1611, when a third fucking impostor pops up. Dude apparently just magically appeared from behind a waterfall in goddamn Ivangorod and declared himself Tsar. Following the lead of False Dmitry II, he doesn’t dispute either of the two previous impostors, instead claiming some sort of spiritual reincarnation and/or magical resurrection – it’s not entirely clear which – to establish himself as the same guy. He must have talked a good game, because he managed to win the support of the same fucking Cossacks who supported False Dmitry II’s claim. Unfortunately, he was a far less able commander, being forced to flee his stronghold only a year later, whereupon he was spirited away to Moscow and secretly executed. Though he never managed to actually rule anything, historians decided to stick to the theme and dubbed him False Dmitry III.

At this point the historical record becomes confused, with some sources asserting there was a fourth False Dmitry, though others insist that the third False Dmitry was simply counted twice due to poor record-keeping. Still, whether we’re talking about three False Dmitries or four, imagine the whole mess from the Tsar’s perspective. Dude just wouldn’t stay dead!

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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All the Maines as one servant Hassan style.

I want a Maine (Probably Maine the Swift) to be a Servant and see him having to deal with his mom being an Uber-thot.

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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Hmm,

on the one hand, that’d be putting all her eggs in one basket, but one the other, one kick ten thousand times. So maybe, maybe not.

I still fucking love the story of Medb renaming all her sons to Maine. Like she goes to a sage and asks him which of her sons will kill her ex-husband/rival and the dude just gave her a name that didn’t match any of her fucking kids. So instead of maybe having another kid and, if it’s a boy, naming him Maine, she just goes “I have seven perfectly fine sons, I’ll name ALL of them Maine” instead. And it actually halfway fucking works, one of the Maines kills…a dude with the same name as her ex-husband.

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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would you want to go through 9 months of pregnancy, childbirth, and then wait however long it takes for that kid to grow up to be old enough to kill the guy? not to mention, if she ended up with a daughter she has to go through the whole process again. I say what she did makes perfect sense.

I still fucking love the story of Medb renaming all her sons to Maine. Like she goes to a sage and asks him which of her sons will kill her ex-husband/rival and the dude just gave her a name that didn’t match any of her fucking kids. So instead of maybe having another kid and, if it’s a boy, naming him Maine, she just goes “I have seven perfectly fine sons, I’ll name ALL of them Maine” instead. And it actually halfway fucking works, one of the Maines kills…a dude with the same name as her ex-husband.

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jaaku-frost · 6 years

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