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the fruit conceals its flowers and its seeds inside, always inside. Conception almost

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Mean Girls (2004) // Conclave (2024)

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Pope Innocent XIV

If there was only certainty, and if there was no doubt, there would be no mystery, and therefore no need for faith. Let us pray that God will grant us a Pope who doubts. Let Him grant us a Pope who sins and asks for forgiveness. And carries on.

I am what God made me. And perhaps it is my difference that will make me useful. I think again of your sermon. I know what it is to exist between the world’s certainties.

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vi deserves the world. like I'm so sorry but I can't see her suffering again. she's suffered her whole life. give her a moment of peace. please just one. let her have something good for more than a week please I beg you. how can one character go through that much and still be able to stand?? it feels mean atp. someone in that writer's team hates her guts cuz wtf.

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the thing about that one scene where caitlyn and vi fight is that caitlyn doesn't meet vi's eye the entire time. go back and watch that scene again, look closely at their body language. "you stopped me." caitlyn says, her eyes are shut tightly, she hears vi's gauntlets drop on the floor. "i had the shot." her voice is confused and desperate, she's facing the wall. "that was a kid. what if you missed?" vi asks in equal confusion. cait turns to her in fervor, "i wasn't going to miss," her voice is louder, firmer, she's ready to face vi— except she isn't, because even though she turned her way, she's still just looking at the ground. her anger is a façade even to herself. she wants so badly to pretend she wants blood. "i keep telling myself you're different but you're not." she says to vi —with as much poison in her voice as she can muster— but she's still avoiding her gaze. so afraid of her resolve breaking at the sight of her eyes. cait's pupils tremble as she says this, as if looking for something to fix her gaze on, just so she doesn't have to face vi. she steps past vi when she can't find anything in the empty hall, she turns back ever so slightly to say "it's her blood in your veins." the words feel wrong in her mouth as she utters them, she ignores it, she has to prove to herself that she's brave enough, that she can push through. but she still can't look at vi in the goddamn eye. she tries to get away, reaching for the ladder. flight, she's bitterly aware. but vi catches her by the arm and she's stopped in her tracks, grabbing the steel of the ladder with one hand, the other clutching to her gun like a lifeline. "then why are you the one acting like her?" vi yells. her. Jinx is haunting their every thought like a curse. the murderer of her mother. sister of her love. she wants to hate her so badly. she hates her, she has to. vi's grab of her arm loosens as caitlyn struggles to catch her breath. she can't look back, she can't meet her eye, but she can feel vi's unwavering gaze on her neck. she's so open, so willing to give her everything she's scared to admit she wants. vi is leaning closer, tilting her head to see cait where her face is covered behind her hair. cait's breaths start to even for a moment, and vi's eyes relax and soften. that's when caitlyn draws her arm out and hits vi in the stomach with the back of her gun. vi grunts, topples over so easily. she hadn't seen it coming. cait finally looks back and her face is confused, surprised, when did vi start lowering her guard down so much around her? why did she? she turns her back and climbs the ladder as vi's wails echo in the room. all those pained sobs can't be from the hit, she knows it would take so much more than that to break her. but she still can't bring herself to look back. vi is the strongest person she's ever known, and she's crying like a child as caitlyn leaves her behind.

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Oh no! Your homosexual situationship didn't work out! You have four options to proceed:

Graduate from murder cop to puppet fascist

Become a pit fighter and descend into alchaholism

Emerge from your chrysalis to become magic Jesus

Compromise your principles and age 20 years

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p&p 2005 screencap study

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“May I rest my weary head on your shoulder?” (insp.)

In the Mood for Love (2000), Rafiki (2018), Cold War (2018), Your Name Engraved Herein (2020), But I’m a Cheerleader (1999), Moonlight (2016), Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019), And Then We Danced (2019), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004), My Own Private Idaho (1991), Anatomy of a Fall (2023), Lovesong (2016), God’s Own Country (2017), The Handmaiden (2016), Notorious (1946)

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every ff in the anatomy of a fall fandom is vincent x reader NOOOOOO I WANT MY SANDRA X VIBCENT DREAMS TO BE FULFILLEDDDDD

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I'm at mount erymanthos i sure hope i don't get mauled by any boars

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Betts. how do I stop feeling jealous of everyone and everything and just focus on myself? I'm tired of being comprised of nothing but envy.

story time:

so i was recently at Millay, which is one of the top artist residencies in the country. they have an acceptance rate of something like 3%. when i was shown my room, there was a packet of all the residents' artist bios. i sat down and read through all of them. most of them were like half a page in length, single-spaced, listing out accomplishments i could never dream of. one artist had won a guggenheim. one author had published 12 books. another author published her first book at 19 years old. these were people who were extremely well accomplished and respected in their fields.

and we all became very good friends!

and then there was me. my bio was 3 sentences listing out a couple short publications and awards and other residencies i'd done. and my honest to god first thought was, "wow, the jurors must have really liked my writing to have accepted me among all these great artists."

and my second thought was, "that's the healthiest thing i have ever thought."

i had no jealousy of their accomplishments. even though my career hadn't even begun compared to theirs, i didn't attend dinner that night with any impostor syndrome. and that confirmed for me that i had grown out of whatever place i used to be in as a person, where i was basically a raw wound wrapped in barbed wire. everything hurt me and i hurt everything in return.

jealous feelings come from an intense need of external approval, but as i've mentioned in other asks, approval and validation is a well that gets filled over time. at our introductory dinner that night, i didn't talk about my work in the hope of convincing everyone i deserved to be there, which was what i would've done a few years before. instead we all ended up talking about a TV show. the most highbrow place i've ever been in my life, and we're getting wine drunk and discussing at length a cheesy discovery channel reality series. the guggenheim winner: loves box turtles. the guy who's published 12 books: his favorite movie is Spirited Away. the girl who published a book at 19: reads One Direction fanfic. the well-lauded poet: old school tumblrina.

actually, 4 out of 7 of us read fanfic and we had some great conversations about it. sometime i'll tell you about introducing the co-director of the residency to AO3.

when you think of the most accomplished and successful writer you've ever read, remember that they are, at the very core of their being, a nerd. and if you were to eat dinner with them, you would, with enough polite inquisitiveness, be able to unlock the goofy side of them that binges Property Brothers.

so that was the big change for me, i think. i started asking a lot of questions. i stopped talking and i started listening. it seems counterintuitive that admitting to not knowing stuff shows confidence, but it does. pretending you know stuff is what looks insecure. i think for me, i put so much of myself in my work, i wanted my work to be lauded so i could feel accomplished, and feeling accomplishment would let me believe i deserved to exist. but over time, i've reframed that mentality. my work is a thing that exists beyond me and is private to those who read it. it comes from me, but it is not me. what i am is just the person i am, and my life is a series of moments i choose for myself, and i am allowed to exist.

even sending this ask shows that you've begun filling your well. it takes someone who's already come a long way to realize jealousy isn't the status quo and is a feeling to be overcome. and you can overcome it. you can reach a place where you have enough success that other people's success has nothing to do with you, and you're free to just be happy for them. and when you read work that's better than yours you feel joy at learning something new.

so put your work into the world and let it be rejected. you'll rack up a couple wins or close calls, and those will give you energy to be rejected some more. and eventually you'll be rejected so much that rejection doesn't feel like anything, and you will have won enough to realize your work has a place in the world, and that place is no bigger or smaller than anyone else's. your work is allowed to exist simply as it is, and you are allowed to exist simply as you are.

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flying fish 🐟

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vincent and sandra comm from @royalavera !! thank you for taking my request 🥰

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muhammad fatchurofi

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An interesting demonstration of how the human brain works.

But also something of a lesson regarding perception, and the unreliability of subjective perspective versus objective reality.

You can be extremely certain about how you perceive the world, your "lived experience," that which you "feel it in my heart." But that doesn't mean it's actually true. And it doesn't mean we have to endorse it, or ignore or outright deny objective reality.

That's a "you" thing, not a "we" thing.