jadaehyun

[jadaehyun]

how does your muse carry emotions ? Bold - yes, italics - sometimes, strike - maybe/possibly, no effect - no

ANGER — jaw clenching , hands balling into fists , teeth grinding, yelling , going nonverbal , vocalizations , stuttering speech , rushed speech , slow concise speech , rambling , quiet , arms crossing , shaking head , curling lip upwards , baring teeth , tearing up , animated , expressionless , projects , internalizes , vents , withdraws , tighter movements , passive-aggressive , direct , physical outbursts , verbal outbursts , pacing , going still , anger boils over in the heat of the moment but cools down quickly afterwards , anger brews slowly but lingers longer , will act out of impulse when angry , will stew on their anger and plot revenge , holds grudges , forgives easily , forgives but never forgets, hysterical outburst

JOY — easy smiles , fighting back grins , suppressed laughter , loud laughter , giggles , chuckling , smirks , whole body laughs , covers mouth when laughing/giggling , throws head back when laughing , slaps leg , touches people around them when laughing , looks down when laughing , looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes , bubbly happiness , quiet subtle happiness , obnoxious happiness , wants to spread joy , quietly savors joy

SADNESS — crying , bottling it up , seeking distractions , wallowing , meditating and processing , avoidance , seeking out comfort , withdrawing , swallowing thickly , talking it out , internalizing it , sad smiles , depression naps , using alcohol , using drugs , seeking out sources of joy , fidgets with sentimental item , sits in silence , broods , gets moody , wants someone to share the misery , tries to hide negative emotions , nurtures others to make themselves feel better

EMBARRASSMENT / SHAME — blushing , looking away , rubbing at the back of the head , running a hand through hair , clearing throat , covering the face , laughing nervously , laughing it off , overthinking , letting it go , self-deprecating humor , deflecting , getting irritated , smiling , withdraws , crossing arms over the stomach , crossing arms over chest , hands in pockets , shoulders sinking , shrugs , falling into silence until comfortable again , talking a lot to compensate

GUILT — avoiding eye contact , shoulders sinking low , head hanging down , crying , chest aches , lashing out , internalizing , apologizing , deflecting , communicating , withdrawing , grand gestures for forgiveness , accepting fault easily , punishing themselves , martyrdom , victim complex , over-active guilt complex , healthy conscience , internalizes even after forgiveness , seeking redemption , moves on easily , denial , shuts off empathy to cope , lack of guilt / conscious , sorry they got caught more than caused harm , can’t handle knowing they hurt others

FEAR / ANXIETY — trembling , crying , sarcasm / sass to cope, humour to cope , rambles , going quiet , going nonverbal , getting angry , fidgeting , freezing up , impatience , clenching jaw , picking at nails , chewing at the lip , pulling at clothes , adjusting jewelry / clothing / hair , pacing , swallowing thickly , eyes widening , over - reacts , under - reacts , calm , logical , panic , irrational, overthinks , carefully analyzes , talk to themselves , breathing exercises , flight , fight , withdraw , fawn, hysterical outburst

Tagged by: @wellfell 🫡 Tagging: Anyone who wants to.

[jadaehyun]

JA DAE-HYUN   𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗌 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀

[jadaehyun]

WHAT TYPE OF LONELY ARE YOU? [ loneliness born of anger ]

you learned from a young age you are not like others, and others hate you for it. you've been mocked and tormented your whole life, and it birthed A VIOLENCE in your heart. you yell at your younger siblings when they slip up. you don't want them to suffer the same fate you did. at once, you are both miles above and miles below your peers. you are not polite. people no longer dislike you because of you, but for your biting words. it's better this way, after all. at least now you know it's your own fault.

[jadaehyun]

[jadaehyun]

HOW IS YOUR SOUL PERCEIVED? [ the strong willed ]

your soul has touched darkness and so you learned to wrap yourself within it. you felt fear and decided you would never let it control you again. you're not ALWAYS all sharp edges and cool stares, but you refuse to be prey again. you turned your teeth into fangs so you would be the one to bite. you learned to growl LOUDER than all the predators who stole your innocence. it may seem like you don't care, sometimes you try to pretend you don't, but i see the way you sharpen your knives when the ones you care about are hurting.

[jadaehyun]

“An emptiness so vast I can’t tell if I am in it or it in me.”

— Richard Jackson, from “Elegy Just in Case,” Asheville Poetry Review (2022)

[jadaehyun]

               EP  ⁰²    :          𝐘𝐎𝐔  𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃  𝐌𝐘  𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐊.

                                                𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗌 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀

[jadaehyun]

Richard Jackson, from “Alternate Endings”

[jadaehyun]

         EP  ⁰¹    :          𝐀  𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐀𝐓  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐋  𝐎𝐅  𝐈𝐓.

                                            𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗌 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀

[jadaehyun]

Une femme est une femme (1961) dir. Jean-Luc Godard

[jadaehyun]

 akina mori can guess and assume many things about many men she's met , they're an open book most of the time with visible buttons . dae-hyun had sealed himself shut so tightly that akina couldn't even imagine him actually being into this ; she's seen it in a few movies , and that's all . his hand taps on his thigh , but he's not asking her to sit on his lap . slowly , she steps toward him , pulls the end of her tight , mini skirt up past the roundness of her hips before eventually laying across his lap . she could also never guess that she'd be embarrassed by it , her wrongdoings were forgotten and suddenly worry fades into eagerness & anticipation as his hand starts groping her . ' count ' , he commands once again and the first smack makes her jump in surprise . ' count ' he's hissing again in her ear , she finds her voice and stutters out a quiet : ❛ one . . . ❜ fingers curl on the sheets near his thigh . two and three fall one after another , pale flesh already flushing red ; he's not being gentle at all , she likes it . the fourth slap draws a small whimper , voice strained as she breathes out ; ❛ fou- ah ! five ! ❜ she used to think it couldn't be that bad , the problem was - beside the burning pain on her cheeks - that she was liking this way too much for her own good .

 spine arches , a sensual curve of her hips and the dip of her waist , she's pushing her abused hips back against his palm when he starts rubbing it again . soothing the pain , tricking her into believing it was over . five and six come stronger than before , her pained gasps start to sound awfully aroused . heart hammering behind the ribcage , she screws her eyes shut and patiently counts it . ❛ seven - e- eight . . . ❜ at some point he's pulled her black panties down her midthighs as if they covered anything . now bare and unashamedly wet , mindlessly grinding against his thigh and telling herself it was okay to moan so wantonly when he was trying to punish her . he probably never wanted to punish her , honestly . ❛ dae . . . i learned m- ah ! ten ! ❜ it goes on for longer than she'd guess it , half of it is akina's breathless whimpers and his cruel hand that falls on tender flesh over and over until akina feels tears tickle her eyes . yet she makes no attempts to get off his lap ( his pants are stained , there's a wet patch on his thigh ) , his free hand catches her throat , some of his strikes landing on the back of her thighs . one black tear rolls down her cheek , mixed with cheap mascara . akina's skin is thin , paler than most , the smallest redness quickly becomes visible ; that being said , his handprints were deep red on her ass now . she was sniffling when it was over , trembling hands trying to get herself off him , stumbling slightly before she's straddled him , settled on his lap with wet face . her panties around her left ankle .

 must have been twenty , or more . her mind isn't cooperating , not when she kisses him so deeply , and breathes out a whimper / sob as he slams his palm on her ass again . gripping it , rubbing it in faux soothing manner , and akina is moaning for it . ❛ twenty one . ❜ comes a hurried whisper before she's catching his mouth again , lower body arching into his hand once again like a feline in heat . parted lips breathe out against his tongue , not kissing him but just whispering with a growing smirk . she might have cried , she might have been begging but she won't let him win so easily no matter how good it hurt ; ❛ it's burning so good - ❜

  —  @8flesh   /   count. accepting

[jadaehyun]

Warsan Shire, from “Home”, Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head

[jadaehyun]

 when you first watch the tape , nothing gives you a hint of death nor an angry ghost that'll be waiting for seven days to kill you . she wonders how he found out it's real , or that it's actually killed . he pins her to the door that he slams shut , a familiar action of their reckless , hungry days before she's squeezed a cursed tape between them and ruined his life ; his seven days long life , when did he even watch it ? akina doesn't have to ask , nor hear him to know what's gotten him so angry . there's a greatness in their anger , something that looks beautiful when it burns . she used to stare at the candles until her eyes burned , used to burn the books she'd study after every grade because she liked watching the flames . she stares at him , her eyes don't burn , her lips slowly tug in a faint smile ; * look who's stopped hiding behind a cute face . akina stands against the door and waits for his threats , for a knife in her guts or pressed under her chin ( bluffs ─ if you wanna kill someone you simply do it without talking to them ) . when nothing comes , she shifts slightly , tilts her head and lowers her eyelids to stare at his lips . ❛ this is what i was seeing from the start . . . ❜ ' you people-watch , you like studying people , akina ' . it's not about his violence , it's how skillfully he hides it ; what do you have to hide from your lover ? is she really his lover ? ❛ you won't kill me . because you think i know how to save you . ❜ a knowing smile . his grip hurt her arms , she doesn't move an inch . akina mori is filled with deaths of other people , people she was believing she could save . her saviour complex was drowned in darkness after the ghost took her sister . she gives him a crooked smirk and lets him tighten his grip if he wanted ; ❛ how many days are left ? ❜

 @8flesh        pinned against the wall.    ;     accepting

[jadaehyun]

“I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But who am I, to me?”

— dream-jackson

[jadaehyun]

                              JA DAE-HYUN FT. A MARK

                                             𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗌 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀

[jadaehyun]

 ❛ you're welcome . ❜ comes the generous dismissal of a doubtful gratitude , he must be ashamed to walk around showing the way she's painted a masterpiece on his body unless he likes wearing turtlenecks . he didn't seem to mind , last night , didn't try to pacify her either . one look at his shoulder blades is enough to see what he meant by a crime scene ; only if he knew , how much a man has to bleed to soothe akina's rage ? or how deep the redness of these scratches could get to sate akina's lust ? he looked beautiful like this . she puts her phone away at last , staring at the man who sat on the end of the bed . he owed his greek statue body to working out and struggling with the poor souls that were his target , ever since akina found out about that , her interest in him was doubled . no matter how she denied it . and last night he looked a little too good in his dark shirt and tight pants . it was a kiss as gratitude for driving her home , and a breathless agreement to eventually , taking it to the bedroom . her bed is big enough , she used to share it with her sister for a while . for a few days before anita died and she had to sleep alone . he's not gotten kicked out yet , not that akina lets many men know where she lives and had the pleasure to kick them out of her house after doing this ; he's a special case . nothing malicious hides under her faint smile , one hand reaching out , lean body leaning forward like a lazy cat to poke his shoulder . ❛ i can hide the ones on your neck . ❜ or pretend to , tell him they don't look that bad ; even he's not prone to believing a lie after repeating it continuously . that's how they're designed , she thinks . ❛ . . . or make prettier ones . ❜

 @8flesh        dawn flavored.    ;     accepting

[jadaehyun]

Eliza Malkhasyan Silhouettes