jaidenmaybe

[jaidenmaybe]

Hoe noem je die koeien die van voren & achteren zwart/bruin zijn, en in het midden wit (geen vlekken, maar drie vlakken)?

1) Lakenvelders

2) Mergpijpkoeien

3) Ik zeg Lakenvelders, maar heb wel van mergpijpkoeien wel gehoord

4) Ik zeg mergpijpkoeien, maar ken de naam Lakenvelders wel

5) Geheime kale optie

[jaidenmaybe]

my mom once told me i was a ski jumper in a past life because she dreamed about a ski jumper dying in a terrible accident when she was pregnant with me, and said it was definitely true cause the ski jumper in her dream was also blonde. i never had the heart to tell her this is absolutely not something catholics can believe.

[jaidenmaybe]

The Minecraft Movie came and went with all its manufactured memes and ironic unserious virality, and yet never once did i see a single thing from it that came anywhere even CLOSE to rivaling I Am Placing Blocks And Shit Cause I'm In Fuckin Minecraft

[jaidenmaybe]

Hey you, yeah, you, give that character a mobility aid. Do it. That girl who canonically has a leg injury? Give her a cane. That guy that doesn't have a canonical injury but whom you feel ok your heart is definitely chronically ill? Give him a wheelchair. That character you headcanon as disabled because they just kinda feel like it in your head? Give them crutches! That character you really really like and really really relate too? Give em a rollator! Sky's the limit! Go wild! People are gonna have problems with us creating a space for ourselves regardless, might as well bring a few of our favorite characters and OCs with us!

[jaidenmaybe]

Had the funniest experience earlier of my swiftie coworker putting the new white girl breakup songs™️ album on the speaker at work and the moment she left the room long enough for her phone to disconnect from Bluetooth our older coworker immediately put on 10 hours of relaxing tibetan flute music instead and we all collectively sighed in relief

[jaidenmaybe]

a worm spent 100 years transforming into a capital N, then gave birth to a new worm to hold on its head. life is beautiful

[jaidenmaybe]

So I’m on a trip with my robotics team and there’s only two “girls” (me, an enby, and a cis girl), so we get our own beds in our own room, but the guys are rooming four to a room, but there’s only two beds in each room. Which means that two guys are sleeping on the floor every night.

I’m not joking. They were literally arguing over who’s sleeping on the floor tonight (apparently they plan on rotating).

And I asked them “why don’t you just share a bed?” And they all gave me the same answer:

“No, that’s weird! That’d be gay!”

And I just looked at them and I decided to break the bad news to them

“If lying next to another guy makes you wanna suck dick, you already wanted to suck dick.”

I’ve never seen so many Straight Guys™️ enraged by a single sentence before

[jaidenmaybe]

fuck me all my friends have jobs which means they have no time to play toys with me and its fuycking ruining my life

[jaidenmaybe]

She's just trying to pay her student loans

(Source)

[jaidenmaybe]

damn, she’s a bad bitch. oh they’re nonbinary? my bad. damn, they’re a bad person

[jaidenmaybe]

depictions of death as merciful and benevolent and kind move me to tears without fail

[jaidenmaybe]

Asked and answered

[jaidenmaybe]

My father is not a man who knows how to cook. He is 77-years-old and was absolutely raised in a sexist household where his mother did literally everything (including serve her husband and three sons while standing, waiting until they were finished eating until she ate her own meal). He hasn't really progressed past believing that men and women are inherently different (ie: believing that women are just more inherently kind, empathetic, and servile). But this isn't about my father's deeply ingrained sexism. This is about my father and his egg crimes.

The last time I visited my dad, he wanted to make eggs to make egg salad. (First off. Mind blown that he was doing this himself and not asking my stepmom to do it for him). He asked me how I make hard boiled eggs. So I told him:

1. Bring the water to a boil. 2. Shut it off and remove pan from heat. 3. Let the eggs sit for anywhere from 10-15 minutes depending on how hard you want the yolk. 4. Ice bath. 5. Prosper with your delicious hard boiled eggs packed with protein and love.

"Huh, that's interesting," he said. And then casually added, "I usually just boil them for 20 minutes."

He. He

boils them

for

TWENTY (20) MINUTES

Horrified, I quietly asked (dramatization), "Do your eggs come out smelling like the sulfurous pits of hell while your yolks are gray and powdery and rubbery?"

He replied with a look of confusion like I was some sort of prescient wizard, "Yeah."

I took a deep breath, processing the food crimes of my father, and said, "Please. For the love of god. Never ruin your eggs again. Do it this way."

Later that day he excitedly came up to me and said, "Wow, this is the best my eggs have ever come out!"

I smiled and congratulated him and walked away, happy to know that some hen out there didn't suffer through laying an egg larger than her head only for a senior citizen to desecrate the fruits of her labor.

[jaidenmaybe]

what they don’t tell you about online relationships is how easy it is to ruin them by simply having nothing to say. i like you so much but i don’t know how to hang out with you in silence. i don’t know how to text like a person so now you think i hate you. aaaaaaaaa

[jaidenmaybe]

[jaidenmaybe]

acceptable ways to correct yourself if you misgender a trans person

“I went to the store with her–him”

“He and I–sorry she and I went to the movies”

“He’s–I mean they’re a big fan of Marvel Comics”

not acceptable ways to correct yourself if you misgender a trans person

“She really likes–oh my god I mean he, I’m so sorry, I just don’t have it down yet, you need to give me time, I mean, I’m getting it, I promise, it’s just so hard sometimes, and I don’t even know where that came from, and I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to, you just have to go easy on me, I’ve never done this before, it’s just, I’m getting it, it won’t happen again, it’s just hard, you get it, right?”

this has been a psa

[jaidenmaybe]