jaimieolivier - Tumblr blog

jaimieolivier · 5 years ago

Text

Queer Eye for the Opera Ghost

We just rewatched The Phantom of the Opera, and it looks like I’m doing this again.

Karamo: Okay, guys, special treat today: we are heading all the way to PARIS!

*all cheer*

Jonathan: OMG, I love France!

Tan: And I love you, too. *laughs at collective groan* But seriously, I am excited to visit the birthplace of the French tuck.

Antoni: I don’t know if you guys know this, but French food is good. Like, really good. Like, you hardly even need to add avocados to it, it’s so good.

Karamo: We’re going to be meeting Erik. He’s a composer, but he also has a background in architecture. In his spare time, he does free music tutoring for an orphan girl.

Jonathan: *high-pitched squeal of emotion*

Karamo: Erik was nominated by his friend, Madame Giry.

Madame Giry: Erik is brilliant. A genius, truly. But he doesn’t do well with people. He lacks confidence about his appearance, and I think he could stand to get out more. He wants to see his music performed, but I think the way he’s going about that – threats, kidnapping, and passive-aggressive notes – is not going to get him the results he’s hoping for.

Karamo: Okay, that is a lot. Also, did she furtively mutter something at the end there? Something that sounded weirdly like murder?

Tan: *flipping through papers* Apparently that was never proven? Might have been an accident?

Karamo: …

Karamo: Okay, right, so! At the end of the week, Erik’s opera is going to be performed. This is a longtime dream of his, so it’s a really big deal.

Jonathan: Ooh, yay Erik!

Bobby: *studying file* Um, am I reading this correctly? He lives in an opera house?

Tan: Oh, cool, like a converted opera house?

Karamo: Not exactly.

*Fab Five pull up in front of the Palais Garnier opera house*

Madame Giry: Hello! Thank you for coming! I will show you how to get to Erik’s … let us say, “apartment.”

Jonathan: Okay, this is a lot of, just, darkness? What’s happening there?

Bobby: *pulls out industrial flashlight* I got it. *shines flashlight around* Looks like the place has some good bones, although I am concerned about what looks like a pretty serious flooding situation down there.

Madame Giry: Keep going in this direction. Erik will meet you with the boat.

Tan: I’m sorry, the what?

Madame Giry: You may want to keep your hand at the level of your eyes. Just to be safe.

Karamo: What?

Madame Giry: I go no further! *rushes away*

*Erik glides over on a gondola lit with candles*

Erik: Honored guests! I had so hoped you would come.

Jonathan: Oh my gosh, look at you! All European and swoony with your boat and your candles! Who gave you permission?!

*Fab Five crowd onto gondola*

Karamo: You must be Erik! I’m Karamo. *bear hugs Erik*

Erik: *frozen*

Jonathan: Honey? You okay?

Erik: Was that … is that what it is to be hugged? *shakes it off* Ahem. This way. Welcome to my lair.

Tan: Did you just say “lair?”

Karamo: *looks into the camera with wide-eyed alarm*

Bobby: Yeah, that checks out. This is very lair-style architecture.

Antoni: Where’s your kitchen?

Jonathan: And your bathroom?

Tan: And your closet?

Karamo: The blank look you’re giving us tells me we have some work to do. All right, team, hands in!

DAY ONE: LIVING IN THE BASEMENT

Tan: I am loving the drama of your wardrobe. *to camera* Erik is a guy who knows that you don’t have to wait for a special occasion to wear a statement piece. Like that mask! That said, he could stand to shake things up a little bit, so we’re going to work on that.

Jonathan: Okay, you sexy subterranean music man, tell me about your skincare routine. You wear sunscreen, right?

Erik: I have literally never been outside during the day.

Jonathan: Hey, whatever floats your romantic little candlelit boat. No judgment. Can I touch your hair right now?

Erik: No.

Antoni: I can’t find any form of kitchen down here. Where do you keep your food?

Bobby: *to camera* This is tough. My instinct is to bring in a bunch of houseplants, but Erik’s home is very low on natural light. I’ll need to give this some thought.

Karamo: Okay, Erik, let’s talk about you. What brought you to where you are now?

Erik: A traveling circus that kept me in a cage.

Karamo: … I am going to have to sit with that for a minute, honestly.

Antoni: Still wondering about the apparent lack of food and food prep areas down here. Erik, you aren’t, like, living off rats, are you?

Bobby: And what’s over … oh, another secret passageway. That seems to be a real theme here. Big on secret passageways, not so big on adequate lighting.

Jonathan: *to camera* I think our new friend Erik might be a little self-conscious about his face, based on how he wears a mask all the time and had kind of a teeny-tiny rage-seizure when I asked if he would take it off? I want to help, but I can’t do that if he’s not going to let me see his gorgeous face!

Antoni: Taking another tack, Erik, if you DID eat rats, where would you be cooking them?

Karamo: I’m back. All right. So, let’s maybe start with something positive, Erik. What’s something about you that you’re proud of?

Erik: I am a musical genius.

Karamo: Love that confidence! Will you sing us something?

*Fab Five cheer and chant Erik’s name until Erik launches into “Music of the Night.” Everyone freezes and gapes at him until the last notes fade.*

Bobby: Oh

Tan: Oh my

Antoni: *weeping*

Karamo: Is … is there an orchestra down here? Did anyone else hear an entire orchestra start playing just now?

Erik: *to Jonathan* Why are you on my lap?

Jonathan: Shh. We’re dating now.

Karamo: Okay, we do have some issues to figure out here, but Erik also has immense talent and charisma when he sings, as well as possibly magical powers? Anyway, he’s clearly a diamond in the rough. So let’s get polishing!

*Fab Five dance break*

DAY TWO: OUI QUEEN

Tan: I love that you have a signature accessory. That’s great. Have you thought about playing around with color a little more?

Erik: You know, I do like red, but I worry that colors other than black would affect my ability to lurk unseen in the shadows.

Tan: Oh, do you do some behind-the-scenes stuff at the opera house? Where you have to work without people seeing you?

Erik: Exactly.

Tan: All right, I’ll see what I can do.

Karamo: Erik. I have in my hand some notes. Notes that I believe you delivered to various people working in the opera house. Is that right?

Erik: … Yes.

Karamo: Look, I applaud the attention to detail. Not a lot of people take the time to write notes anymore, let alone to make them rhyme.

Erik: Thank you. I feel like no one really appreciates the effort I put in.

Karamo: Oh, yeah, I see you, man, I see you. But I’ve gotta say, the tone these take is not making you sound your best. You’re coming off pushy, to be honest. Even threatening. Do you think that’s a good way to get what you want?

Erik: It’s worked pretty well so far.

Karamo: *deep inhale*

Bobby: How attached are you to this lake? Because I can tell you right now, your usable square footage goes up a lot if we drain it.

Antoni: Good news! There’s a marketplace just a short walk from here that has just incredible produce. And the cheese! *chef’s kiss* The bread!

Erik: I do not leave the opera house during the day.

Antoni: How firm a rule is that? Because –

Erik: I said no! *loud, angry organ chord plays from apparently nowhere*

Antoni: Gotcha. I will look into delivery options.

Karamo: Tell me about your pupil, Christine.

Erik: Christine is an exquisite singer, in large part due to my teaching. With my guidance, she will continue to improve until, through her, my brilliance dazzles the world.

Karamo: Is that arrangement working well for both of you?

Erik: … What do you mean?

Karamo: Just checking that you two have an appropriate teacher-student relationship built on mutual respect and honesty, working toward a clear common goal, all that good stuff.

Erik: … I just need her and everyone else to do what I say.

Karamo: Okay, pull up a chair, because we are going to sit down and have a TALK about this.

Bobby: Where do you get all these candles? Are you making them here? Do you have a massive standing order with a lighting store of some kind?

Tan: I’ve noticed that you like a cape. I approve; it’s a great silhouette. But you have to balance it by going skinny on the bottom. I got you these slim-fitting trousers. What do you think?

Erik: Ooh, look at my legs!

Tan: EXACTLY.

Antoni: *to camera* When it comes to putting food on the table, it’s important to meet people where they are. Luckily, where Erik is happens to be freaking Paris, and he has a generous salary. So I’m just helping him set up some regular delivery orders with local food vendors, and we’re going to assemble a cheeseboard. Yum! It’s also a good no-cooking option, since I have yet to locate any form of kitchen.

Karamo: Do you want to talk about your family?

Erik: I never experienced any kind of affection through my entire childhood. My own parents fled from my horrible disfigured face.

Jonathan: *shouting from another area of the lair* Hey! Do NOT talk about my foxy new boyfriend that way!

Karamo: Hey, look at me, Erik: your parents failed you, okay? You didn’t fail them. You were just a kid. You deserved love, and they didn’t come through for you. That wasn’t your fault.

Erik: *tears up*

Karamo: You want a hug? Bring it in.

*They hug, and soft music plays spontaneously in the background*

Karamo: That’s better, right? Yeah. Now, this is just my own curiosity, but: does ANYBODY here actually speak French?

Antoni: *shouting from across the lair* Oh, I do! Me, me!

Erik: *shrugs*

Jonathan: Okay, you outrageously talented dreamboat, this is it. This is the moment. I don’t know what you’re hiding under that mask, but I am here to help you. Are you going to let me help you?

Erik: *looks away, conflicted*

Jonathan: Take your time. I will sit here and keep complimenting you for as long as it takes.

Erik: You don’t want to see my face.

Jonathan: Would it help if we cuddled? You can be whichever spoon you want.

Erik: It’s hideous.

Jonathan: La la la, I can’t hear you over the sound of how smart and talented you are and how much you deserve to love yourself, la la la!

Erik: Fine! *whips off mask* *crashing organ chords* Is THIS what you wanted to see?

Jonathan: Okay that was a very aggressive reveal, but good job! Progress! Proud of you! *claps* Yay!

Erik: *stares*

Jonathan: All right, sweetie, come over to the mirror and let’s talk options.

DAY THREE: THAT O.G. SWAGGER

Antoni: Time to build that cheese board! Remember what I said about picking out cheeses?

Erik: A balance of mild, medium, and strong.

Antoni: That’s my boy! Okay, go with Jonathan and get your makeover on.

*Jonathan takes Erik upstairs to the backstage area of the opera house to do makeup*

Jonathan: Makeover time! Are you excited?

Erik: Yes! All the many problems in my life have been caused entirely by my horrifying face. It alone stands between me and triumph, success, and all the joys of the world.

Jonathan: Haha, so no pressure, right? *to camera* Corrective surgery doesn’t seem to be feasible for Erik, but it’s important to him that nobody see the way this side of his face naturally looks. Fortunately, his theatrical background has made him super comfortable with makeup! So we are gonna start with a nice moisturizing base, and then we are going to get out our makeup kit and go. To. Town.

*Jonathan and Erik go back downstairs. Erik dramatically whips off his mask, and everyone exclaims over how great he looks.*

Erik: I’m just so excited that I’ll be able to interact with people without them either screaming in horror or staring at my mask.

Jonathan: They’ll be staring, but only because of how totally fabulous you look!

Bobby: Ready to see the lair?

*They all tour the lair*

Bobby: You have a strong theme here with candles and mirrors and secret passages. What you didn’t have was a lot of practical everyday spaces.

Antoni: LIKE A KITCHEN.

Bobby: That’s right. So now you have a kitchen and dining area, and also a bathroom.

Erik: Oh, that will be nice.

Tan: Please do not tell me what you were doing when you didn’t have a bathroom. I don’t want to know.

Antoni: Now let’s go check out that brand-new kitchen and your delicious cheeseboard!

Karamo: That looks great! You know, you could bring one of these to your next lesson with Christine. I think she’d be very impressed.

Tan: Everyone ready to see some outfits?

*Fab Five cuddle up on the new sectional sofa*

Tan: This first look is an update of Erik’s professional wardrobe. He typically wears black to avoid drawing attention to himself backstage, so I stuck with that, but look at the lining of the cape.

*Erik flashes the inside of his cape, which is red. Everyone is delighted.*

Tan: Dramatic, yeah?

Jonathan: Oh my gosh, you’re like a sexy Dracula!

Tan: Look number two is eveningwear. Apparently masquerade parties are big around here, so Erik needs a costume for that. He wanted something powerful and edgy. And you all know how I love a print …

*Erik sashays out in a leopard costume with mask as organ music plays in the background*

Jonathan: Rawr!

Tan: This last look is what Erik plans to wear to the performance of his opera. Introducing … Don Juan!

*All squeal and cheer*

Jonathan: Love it! But why is it covering his gorgeous face?

Tan: *shrugs* Part of the opera, apparently.

*Erik joins them on the sofa*

Erik: All these years, I thought that success was about making the world see my genius. Now, I realize that it’s okay if the whole world doesn’t love me. I can love me.

Karamo: I’m so proud of you, man.

Erik: I wrote you these thank-you notes.

Jonathan: Aww!

*Antoni tears up*

Tan: *reading* This is … kind of an ominous and mildly threatening note?

Karamo: Still an improvement, honestly.

*all hug*

Antoni: Your opera is going to be amazing!

Jonathan: It totally is! My pookie is going to absolutely SLAY!

27 notes · View notes

jaimieolivier · 5 years ago

Text

29.03.2015

Dear One Direction,

Boys, here I am celebrating another whirlwind of year of being your loving fan. This year it'll be five years since you boys stepped into my life. What a complete Rollercoaster it's been. I can't believe that I've been a fan of yours for half a decade already, it seems like just yesterday I was waiting for the intro clip to finish and the concert starting. I remember dancing, not knowing any lyrics and laughing your antics, seeing how beautiful the crowd became when you performed Little Things or at the end of Best Song Ever and witnessing those fireworks going off.

I somehow remember every detail of the concert eventhough it was so long ago. It's actually hard to remember a time when I didn't have your songs, your interviews, the memes, looking at my posters each morning literally everything. I just felt this sense of coming home and a safety net for what was about to happen. Boys I will never have enough words to ever express how you make me feel on daily basis. Thank you for making me laugh, sob uncontrollably and make me proud of the four of you each and every day.

You really have saved my life and as cliché and cheesy as it sounds it true. I've had to fight within myself to stay alive, forced myself out of love with somebody, hurt myself on multiple occasions but you were there to say "It's okay love, we're here" In those moments I'm beyond thankful that I could lean into your music and make it seem all okay. Over the past five years I've had to keep my promise to stay and wait for you to come back and well it's been five years and I'm still here.

I still can't believe that you four were here in South Africa and have to remind myself that I saw the four of you in person and I pinch myself. I do hope that the four of you can come back to SA and do a Meet and Greet and I'll finally be able to hug you ans thank you for everything you've done for me.

My boys, these past five years have been the futherest thing from easy but I couldn't be more grateful for you being there for each and every step of the way. The amount of sleep, meeting Dari and still waiting has been all so worth it to see the four of you happy. I couldn't be more proud of the four of you for your solo material even though it gets intense at times but I wouldn't have it any other way. Boys from the memes, to Aaood, This Is Us, the diaries, footage of the tours to the best quality memes and videos and all the memories that you four have givern me is something so special.

So now Liam;

My Lima Bean thank you for being the heart and soul of the band and loving me and us so wholeheartedly and being the sweetest role model I couldve asked for. Thank you for absolutely everything in thr past five years and I can't wait to watch you grow more successful

and watch little Bear grow up.

Louis;

Lou- I honestly have no idea how or what to say to you because there's far too much to say. My Lou my word what a whirlwind it's been being your fan. But I wouldn't want it any other way. You really have me wrapped around your finger and have such a special place in my heart, you've come so incredibly far from that timid 18 year old to this incredibly talented, funny, amazing artist. You've had so many obstacles thrown at you yet you've over come them with so much strength.

Niall;

My Ni, Nialler just wow. Is all I can say you. Thank you for laughing for five years now and again coming so incredibly far feom your audition. At 16 you wanted to be a big name like Beyonce or Justin Bieber, selling out arenas and make an album and hoping it would all work out. But Ni guess what--you're one of the BIGGEST names in music, have sold out not only arenas but STADIUMS around the world and made not only ONE but TWO incredible albums that is #1 in more than 40 countries. Whether it's the Heartbreak Weather video or your Instagram livestreams thank you for being unapologetically yourself.

And finally Harry

H, my word. What can I say? I've been so unbelievably in love with you. You've been my rock for five years now. There will literally never ever be enough words to describe how or what you mean to me. Harry I'm lost for words every time I hear you sing or see how much you've grown. I'm stunned that I actually saw you live. It does seem real. Harry you really are my favorite person in this entire world and thank you for giving me the chance to love you. I wouldn't want any one else to have my entire heart except for you. You were right there for me the first time I did it or having those poisonous thoughts and now you're right here for me as I turn 19 in a couple of days. Whwn I say "I love you" to a picture of you I say it so honestly and I truly mean it. Thank you for being my biggest inspiration, the person who makes go from crying to laughing so hard it hurts with a couple of minutes and constantly reminding me to Treat People With Kindness. I love you.

I'm thankful for these past five years.

Happy 5th Anniversary my boys.

❤️

Boys, here I am celebrating another whirlwind of year of being your loving fan. This year it'll be five years since you boys stepped into my life. What a Rollercoaster it's been. I can't believe that I've been a fan of yours for half a decade already, it seems like just yesterday I was waiting for the intro clip to finish and the concert starting. I remember dancing, not knowing any lyrics and laughing your antics, seeing how beautiful the crowd became when you performed Little Things or at the end of Best Song Ever and witnessing those fireworks going off.