jake-thingy2

[jake-thingy2]

all of my life i’ve always felt lonely and empty ever since primary school i’d hardly have any friends and i’d just spent school days alone to myself and i didn’t really speak to anyone or make that many friends i think that i’ve had social anxiety for quite a while now and i think primary school is what made it so difficult for me to speak to people altogether so when i get a new person i can speak to i get emotionally attached to them in some way, when i moved into high school i had one friend that i used to hang out with but he left me eventually like how everyone else did. when i eventually made another friend that stayed for longer than a couple of months i had planned to meet him after school hours to go to his house but he tried to touch me in his house which made me highly dislike him as i had trusted him quite a lot. during the end of high school times i was apart of 2 quite big friend groups one in school and one outside of school, the one in school i felt like i was always being ignored and i felt like i was never really apart of it whereas the one outside of school was quite fun but it eventually got me addicted to a couple of drugs for a bit like weed etc which wasn’t very good for me as i could easily rely on it as it takes away all of my anxiety and it made me feel like a complete person after so many years of social reject as i couldn’t speak to people but i eventually came to the realisation that they weren’t good for me but also at the same time this was going on i had finally met the girl of my dreams the one that i had been searching for my entire life and we were going quite well, but up until now i had never had a good reputation in relationships because i really didn’t know how to go about it and i’d get really attached to the person and i’d want to be with them 24/7 and i’d get super needy and i’d want to see them 24/7 along with other things, so when it came to this more serious relationship i really didn’t know how to go about it and i screwed it up like i had with every other relationship i’d had. the amount of guilt i had when i knew that i was so insecure that i wouldn’t allow the person i trusted the most to do things that they wanted to do was unbearable, after we had broken up it was like my whole world had just paused itself and i felt like my life had been coming to an end as i couldn’t take it anymore i couldn’t take the guilt this lead to me nearly wanting to end my life but i didn’t actually take any action into it and i’m glad i didn’t. as we had gotten back in touch near to the day i’m writing this. i have been in love with this girl ever since November of 2024 and i cant imagine life without her, i hâve changed so much in a couple of months and i really think that i could give the world to this girl but respectably she is destroyed from what i had done to her and it’s all my fault i am admitting that i really hope she can come around at some point and see how much of a better person i am now and i hope she can soon trust me again it would make my life complete again