jakesbf - Tumblr blog

[jakesbf]

I shoukd be used to it but it still hurts a lot

[jakesbf]

I am never a priority!!!!! Boyfriends r always more important than me !!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[jakesbf]

SIGH.

[jakesbf]

i regret it every time afterwards too ;;; its okay

[jakesbf]

It keeps getting worse

[jakesbf]

Like i dotn jnow what to dooo i keep getting worse and worse every day, the sadness isnt going away it just keeps on growing and getting worse daily, im so lazy and unmotivated every day, ive been getting rly mad snd irritated at everything, ive been lashing out on myself on my arms until theyre ugly and i cant trll anyone . If i tell my only irl shes just gonna brush it off prob say like dont do stuff like that and otehr things but she wont take me seriously because thats how she views me. My parents never take anything i say seriously when it comes to me being sad or anything relating to it they just tell me to stop and itll pass over time ITS NOT GOING AWAY THIS TIME !!! Why do you think i keep lashing out on things that have been triggering me more and more lately?? Why do u think im extremely sensitive eith my food and weigh why do you think i barged back into my room crying after i went on the scale again becayse you kept yelling at me to look at the numbers on that stupid FUCKING machine???! cant you see how much it hurts me??? i dont want to talk to any of you anymore you both keep ruining my self esteem more and more or maybe i AM being sensitive and dramatic like you always fucking say i am. Why cant you just take me SERIOUSLY when im UPSET stop treating it as a joke or as me as a joke !!!!!!!! What will make you realize ?? When i kill myself and im gone? You know how easily i can do it, right? Dads stuff is just RIGHT there i seriously can just fucking do it, will that make you realize that im not being lazy and that i actually wad depressed? What do i have to do to get it through to you both !!!! And why cant i just feel happy and normal again im so tired everyday i feel so drained doing anytjing and everything now ijust want to die so fuckfing badly i want it all to stop im not strong enough for any of this let alone the real world youre not even encouraging or helping me get through it i feel soctired man i dont want to deal with anyhting anymore i just hate myself so fuckjng much i just feel like im going to reach my boiling point again soon but i dont knwo what ill do this time.

[jakesbf]

I FEEL SO SAD EVERY TIME I WAKE UP and every morning it gets worse and worse T_T i just get a sense of dread and im so. unmotivated and i keep crying every morning because i just feel so sad and awful but idk how to stop it or anyhting either i just want to die so badly

[jakesbf]

I want to cry so badly but im in public . Im so irritated

[jakesbf]

GOD IM GONNA KILL MYSELF

[jakesbf]

F U MOM I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS. I wish i was born a boy 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁

[jakesbf]

I get so jealous over cis mlm couples Sometimes. ill watch a show that has a gay people both amab or just regular couples on my fyp and theyre being really cutesy and soft and i just get so envious. I wish i couldve experienced that in this lifetime. The experience is just going to be so much different when i get a boyfriend / lover or just leading up to it, whole needing to come out because i dont present as a guy to them beforehand . I really really wish i was a born a boy and gay and that was it. i Feel so so soo fake sometimes saying im gay while im not amab. Maybe cus im still struggling with my internalized transphobia but . I .. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh

[jakesbf]

Like. Whenevrr my mom talks badly abt gay people epcifically filo gay people o get so anxious and sad she just TALKS SO BADLY ABOUT THEM SOMETIMES . I wanted to come out like jr year before when i was still identifying as a girl and was bi but its just. So much more complicated now that im trans not even fully trans Like how would i even explain what demiboy is to her like she’ll think im fucking crazy . And then telling her that i still like boys she wouldnt understand. And forget my dad hes even MORE HOMOPHOBIC ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLYYYY TRANS PEOPLE Like hes the type to believe that people are trans because they are predatory. God fuck you guys. I hate it here

[jakesbf]

Mom stop being homophobiv challeegne

[jakesbf]

“OMG YOURE ALIVE” SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U DONT CARE ABT ME !!! ALL U WANT ME FOR IS TO FILL IN FOR UR GAMES U HAVENT TEXTED ME FOR LITERAL MONTHS SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jakesbf]

JAAKKKKEEEE

[jakesbf]

I WANNA SEE JAKE IRL SO BADLY

[jakesbf]

WTF