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[japsandgrub]

the journey to being okay

my doves, you made it through another day. another long, grueling, frustrating day. give yourselves a pat on the back. celebrate a bit! you deserve it. 

i’ve been resting for the past couple of days, so please forgive me for my absence. i’ve been watching, however, and i’ve seen a lot of downtrodden bebes. a lot of people with little hope. a lot of people lashing out. the list goes on. first, your feelings are valid. i keep saying this, and i will continue saying this until this whole thing is over. your feelings, positive and negative, are valid. it’s okay to be sad. it’s okay to be angry. it’s okay to be hopeful. it’s okay. 

so i pose the question: are you okay? the answer is probably not, and i get that. i do. it’s very hard to be okay right now. if that is where you are, know first that that’s alright, and second that it gets better. don’t blame yourself for being affected negatively. it is not weakness. it’s grief, because we lost something important. it’s frustration, because we don’t know what’s going on. it’s empathy, because we see the rest of our boys and we know that they’re hurting along with us.

for those of us who are feeling less than okay: it is not your fault. a thousand times over, it is not your fault. the way that you are feeling right now is natural and it is valid. but because you are feeling less than okay, you need to try and get yourself out of this mood. that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to be sad! but it does mean that letting yourself wade in this place will make this more difficult for you. 

the journey to being okay is different for everyone. this is not a journey taken to return to something, it’s a journey to reach something. to reach this new okay. and the reason why it’s a journey is because it’s open; okay is not a set location. it’s not even a set feeling. it could be a limbo between emotions. it could be a mixture of them. there is no one who can tell you what okay is for you. and there is no one who can tell you exactly what steps you need to take to get to okay. the regular things apply, however. remember to eat and hydrate. rest when you need to. withdraw when things get overwhelming, and spend time away from what’s going on. do something that makes you happy. and i know, i know, this is supposed to be what makes you happy. this was supposed to be a happy time. for us, and for them. we were robbed in the worst way possible, and it’s awful, but we have to make do while things are in the process of working themselves out. 

we are hurt, and we are healing. such is our charge and our journey. our curse and our blessing. the wound stings, but it will heal. it will get better. and we will not be the same, but we will grow back stronger. this is our journey to a new okay. and we will get there.

so, are you okay?

no. but you will be.

you will be.

[japsandgrub]

Maliwanag

Umaga ay dumating na. Muli mong yakapin. Pag-asa nitong hatid. Itutuloy ang laban ng buhay. Susugal ng may tapang sa puso. Ako'y mag-uumpisang muli.

-NU

[japsandgrub]

There was once a boy who had the universe inside of him. He had the stars in his eyes, the sun in his heart and the stretches of the galaxies at the end of his fingertips. He is all, yet not all in him is alive.

-grubity

[japsandgrub]

From Deadpool. © CinemaDrugs

[japsandgrub]

Lazy

It's no longer hard to imagine waking up and thinking about what time of the day you get to sleep again.

[japsandgrub]

Stalling

" My soul lingers in the last seconds of twilight waiting to be renewed by the warmth of your love. "

[japsandgrub]

Stone cold

Admit this and bring justice to your vulnerability. Trust me,youll get better sooner.

Memories doesn’t only exist in the past, it also exist in the forgotten lyrics of music. Melodies that brings memories of the long forgotten past into the light. Forcing you to grasp for air unable to put into words the tears that won’t come out. Falsifying a memory that you’ve already moved on and happy with your own lives. Believing that you’re okay now;single or with someone else. The worse part of it is that at a split second of vulnerability you actually thought that you’re not okay. Honey, you are. These ghost are pages from the textbook of your life. Already read and learned but just like any book, it is totally fine to relive the experience. Not to wound yourself back but to take into perspective your past in the present. Honey, you’re alright. It’s not coming back. It’s a platform for a new beginning

#Memories #Music

[japsandgrub]

Painted colors

Remember that afternoon when you said yes? Twas then that we felt we were infinite: our passion endless

Remember that night when it rained? Your tears seemed bigger than rain drops: all consumed by pain

Remember when you asked me to stay When it’s no longer the same And we’re just like painted colors Waiting to fade away

[japsandgrub]

I can't believe I wrote this 2 years ago.

December 31, 2014

New Year’s Eve

Dear friend,

With every passing year, each and every one of us has hope for the upcoming year to be better or to be the best that we have. Even the most saddest and depressed person on Earth has some kind of glimmer of hope in them and to ignore or deny the fact that there is foolish.

In the four corners of my room, I sit still thinking of the upcoming year. While most of us are busy preparing for the upcoming year, I am left to wonder about the days that have passed in the past year. Surely, everyone does that but the thought of not allowing me to do this will be great injustice to the memories and experience I have made throughout the year.

A great deal of sadness and joy flocked around me this year. I will not go into specifics but I will only give the few yet valuable things I learned this year.

Take the risk

In every opportunity to grow or to fail there is a risk. We may not believe it but the universe and all that are in it conspires to help us grow. Growth is not measured with the success or the popularity of what we have done nor it is the failure that we had to go through but it is rather the fulfillment of attaining greater heights and filling the gaping hole in our existence which was left by our failure.

Do not be afraid to reinvent yourself.

In the end of the first quarter of the year, I found myself in a situation in which I would have to reinvent who I am and who I have established to become because of it. Take note that that it was choice to be put in that kind of situation. I just didn’t expect to face it but I did. I reinvented myself. I adapted to the situation without losing myself and out of it I was able to create a new identity; a better version of myself.

The thing is, sometimes we are faced in such situations that we are challenged to reinvent ourselves; to challenge our beliefs and what we stand for. Reinventing doesn’t necessary losing who you are before.  It is simply, choosing the parts of your totality and merging it with the new lessons learned. Just do not be afraid to reinvent who you are.

Vulnerability is not weakness.

Everyone has their own moments of vulnerability where they probably found themselves waking up with a bad taste in their mouth because of the unmeasurable amount of intake of alcohol or just the memories of a lost lover, a missed opportunity that meant a great deal or a stupid decision that made a mess out of a lot thing.

In these moments of silence where we think that the world is crashing down, the end is near or all you want to do is escape, you can find the aspect of your being who is strong but the first you thing you have to do is suck it up and find a way to the deal with all the shit that was shoved in your face.

The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain, It’s the loneliness if it.

-          The Giver, The Giver

  No matter how good your intentions are there will be people who will misunderstand it.

In life, there are mysteries that can never be solved. The same thing that there will be experiences that won’t be understood unless explained and the mere fact of explaining will take a lot of effort and there are instances that there is no need for it to be explained.

We choose to act in ways that are according to our will. We try to plan out our lives and unconsciously also those that we share it with. In these plans that they’re included, you make it to a point that everyone will benefit from it whether the actual process will include crude process but in the end you know that they will but along the way, you might encounter that it won’t be like what you plan and no matter how good your intentions were, you were misunderstood but remember that the end does not justify the means.

Take care of yourself.

Even if you give everything your all to the world or whatever you’re doing, always take care of yourself. Cliché as it may sound but your health is indeed your wealth. No amount of money can bring you back from dead (once your soul leave your body; totally ignoring all the fiction and claims here).  Take simple steps in taking care of your temple; the source of your excellence. It will be better to take a rest that burn yourself out doing the things you want to do or so you thought.

[japsandgrub]

July 31, 2016

Wow. I can't believe my consistent inconsistency in using these social media avenue. #inconsitency

[japsandgrub]

I hope you put in mind that even our smallest choices can affect our lives in the long term. Having the mantra to properly choose and disregard hasty decisions is enough to keep us out of harms way.

[japsandgrub]

December 31, 2014

New Year’s Eve

  Dear friend,

  With every passing year, each and every one of us has hope for the upcoming year to be better or to be the best that we have. Even the most saddest and depressed person on Earth has some kind of glimmer of hope in them and to ignore or deny the fact that there is foolish.

In the four corners of my room, I sit still thinking of the upcoming year. While most of us are busy preparing for the upcoming year, I am left to wonder about the days that have passed in the past year. Surely, everyone does that but the thought of not allowing me to do this will be great injustice to the memories and experience I have made throughout the year.

A great deal of sadness and joy flocked around me this year. I will not go into specifics but I will only give the few yet valuable things I learned this year.

  Take the risk

In every opportunity to grow or to fail there is a risk. We may not believe it but the universe and all that are in it conspires to help us grow. Growth is not measured with the success or the popularity of what we have done nor it is the failure that we had to go through but it is rather the fulfillment of attaining greater heights and filling the gaping hole in our existence which was left by our failure.

  Do not be afraid to reinvent yourself.

In the end of the first quarter of the year, I found myself in a situation in which I would have to reinvent who I am and who I have established to become because of it. Take note that that it was choice to be put in that kind of situation. I just didn’t expect to face it but I did. I reinvented myself. I adapted to the situation without losing myself and out of it I was able to create a new identity; a better version of myself.

The thing is, sometimes we are faced in such situations that we are challenged to reinvent ourselves; to challenge our beliefs and what we stand for. Reinventing doesn’t necessary losing who you are before.  It is simply, choosing the parts of your totality and merging it with the new lessons learned. Just do not be afraid to reinvent who you are.

Vulnerability is not weakness.

  Everyone has their own moments of vulnerability where they probably found themselves waking up with a bad taste in their mouth because of the unmeasurable amount of intake of alcohol or just the memories of a lost lover, a missed opportunity that meant a great deal or a stupid decision that made a mess out of a lot thing.

  In these moments of silence where we think that the world is crashing down, the end is near or all you want to do is escape, you can find the aspect of your being who is strong but the first you thing you have to do is suck it up and find a way to the deal with all the shit that was shoved in your face.

The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain, It’s the loneliness if it.

-          The Giver, The Giver

    No matter how good your intentions are there will be people who will misunderstand it.

In life, there are mysteries that can never be solved. The same thing that there will be experiences that won’t be understood unless explained and the mere fact of explaining will take a lot of effort and there are instances that there is no need for it to be explained.

We choose to act in ways that are according to our will. We try to plan out our lives and unconsciously also those that we share it with. In these plans that they’re included, you make it to a point that everyone will benefit from it whether the actual process will include crude process but in the end you know that they will but along the way, you might encounter that it won’t be like what you plan and no matter how good your intentions were, you were misunderstood but remember that the end does not justify the means.

  Take care of yourself.

Even if you give everything your all to the world or whatever you’re doing, always take care of yourself. Cliché as it may sound but your health is indeed your wealth. No amount of money can bring you back from dead (once your soul leave your body; totally ignoring all the fiction and claims here).  Take simple steps in taking care of your temple; the source of your excellence. It will be better to take a rest that burn yourself out doing the things you want to do or so you thought.

[japsandgrub]

Yessir!

[japsandgrub]

Anchors away

We,as human beings, are capable of experiencing different forms of emotions which will be later engraved in our memories. Memories are intangible material that exist deep with in a person. This intangible collection is a source of many things for us.This memories, however we put it, is linked to one or more event, person, emotions, material object and sometimes other memories as well.

In one of my daily engagement with people, I heard someone said that " I no longer miss him but I miss how we used to be. " I was rattled on how to miss someone without truly acknowledging the person who is part or source of the memory. I tried to understand on where this person is coming at and as I engage myself in the story that was told, and the realization came out like this. There exist a lack of acknowledgement because of the pain of the lost that inhibits the person to fully realize that the end has already passed.That you can no longer recover what was lost because of the irreparable damage that has been done. Failure to acknowledge the source of the memory and denial of it is not a sign of weakness but a mere dying glimpse of hope of what could have been. In the end, holding on to memories serves a guide for future ordeals but living it will only hold us back.

[japsandgrub]

And when the time comes when you realize that most of it were lies, you've moved on and it won't matter like it used to.

[japsandgrub]

I laugh at myself

In the stillness of the night filled with the rhythm of the unseen,

I find myself  having thoughts like these funny. There are times in which the struggle to hold on

seems a battle of who's more witty and strong

but did it ever occur to you that the those who chose to stay strong

in the end, let go of those they dearly hold on.

I knew a few people who would love to speak

and fill there words with passion for those who seek

but in the end, the words were lost because the passion was weak.

I am not certain if it was weak or if there was passion at all.

I question because I see repeating moments that happened  before.

I would like to express this in person

but I know only a few will listen

not because of who I am but because the truth 

is hard to take,

In the stillness of the night filled with the rhythm of the unseen,

I find myself funny having thoughts like these funny.

[japsandgrub]

The gold pot at the end of the rainbow.