jatin7gaurav

[jatin7gaurav]

Hazy reality

I find myself on the other side of the world, envisioning a life where I’m living my best. Yet, I know it’s still just a dream. I believe I’ll eventually get what I deserve, but I’m also aware of the struggles that await me. I can see the path to triumph, but somehow, I feel lost within myself, unsure of which road to take.

I’ve set high expectations for myself, and I’m falling short of them miserably. Watching others flaunt their seemingly perfect lives leaves me questioning my own choices and mistakes. I fear that the people I love most might begin to drift away because of my tangled thoughts and self-doubts. I’ve started presenting myself as weak and cowardly, but I don’t even know why.

At this moment, I feel underconfident in my ability to do things on my own. It’s like I’m unintentionally weaving a reality far from what I envisioned for myself. I know this is just a phase—a time when I see myself as insignificant, struggling to figure out what’s best—but it doesn’t make the process any less daunting.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Sunset by Grayson Gibson

[jatin7gaurav]

Zero Choice

I was busy wondering things which makes me feel good, I was glad that I was following the path which I wanted to, I was generous to accept where I was at that particular time but I have to make some tough calls for my betterment, I am moving on with time and with life treatments, I am trying to understand my way of thinking and failing miserably in it because it’s harsh to decide  between the thing you love and what is important for you , it’s difficult to follow your heart and make your dreams alive, decisions can jeopardize your situations and can put you into a melancholic state but do you even remember something Productive you did? Why unrealistic materialistic things fascinates me? I am kind of a person who like solitude not just for making decisions but to feel what my heart says, but is it a right move? being in a world with full of stakes does this thing have an impact in your life? 

It’s a sunny winter afternoon and you are sitting on your desk doing your work and half a sleep wondering that you’ve the most boring life and nothing in your life fascinates anyone, Writing down emotions on a sheet of a paper with a positivity that everything will be good and go according to your plan, You are on a loop everyday is more or less same to the previous one, You are stuck, stuck with yourself and started daydreaming, making fake scenarios and living the life that your mind has made for you which is totally different from the reality but that’s the purpose of your living also and it mentally prepares you for the next hurdle. People around us are doing good in their respective lives and this getting behind this scares you a lot because you badly wanted to be independent.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Die For You by Joji

[jatin7gaurav]

Taking everyone seriously

I got a maniac personality yet I care for them, I am impudent still I control my words, I am pure but my behavior makes me discourteous, I make them feel home for them but they never understood the way. 

Dark red monotonous night  I was feeling delude, I was wrecking affinities in a ruckus manner I was on my bed thinking to accomplish the goals made by them but failing miserably, it was raining in the dark, little droplets kissing the mother earth’s feet and moon was guarding my soul that almost came out by the fear of the consequences. When they were in the tough situations I stand by them but here I was all alone in dire to share my inner thoughts but they believed I was tough enough to give them my shoulder to cry on in their dilemma. I fake emotions, I fake laughter, I fake agreeing but I never betray anyone then why they never turn back and ask? I believe that this is how the world works.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Lage nahi man by Vismay patel

[jatin7gaurav]

Where things went wrong?

I was standing in the middle of the night vulnerably didn't know what to do, what to expect next. My Brain was tangled and I was hoping for someone, my eyes were weepy though my heart was crushed into pieces, I had no one by my side and hurdles were coming every moment, I was wrong, I had analyzed things in a wrong way, I was miserable yet strong enough to walk alone in the middle of the night, the dusk settled and Darkness spread all over, every beautiful thing changed it’s shade to black where I can’t even see my shadow, I was all alone, maybe those gleaming days were for me because I was not familiar with the darkness that made me blind for someone, I was questioning my choices and it was a nightmare, nightmare that made me look vulnerable that made me look desperate and that made me a loser. I was suffocating, my brain and heart were screaming and fighting individually and because of that, my soul was suffering, I was just making fake scenarios where things have gone right but I was just dreaming things that never happened.

#ListeningByWritingThis

Dusk till Dawn By ZAYN

[jatin7gaurav]

Expunging reminiscence

It was a full moon night, dark and warm environ maybe stars are twinkling with a message. dogs are howling for quietness and I was at a hot tin roof for a reason, I was in a dark room, alone contemplating everything with ease and living the subsequent in my dreams, I was all alone at the shabby corner with a mug of coffee and chanting “why I had done that?” remembering the night where all things had changed, maybe an old me was evolved to a new version of mine until I realized that everything was messed up I mean everything. Being a troubled kid is what my impression but why everything? I had just confessed  and vacant my heart with a little message that “what you had done was completely fine and honest” but why my heart cannot digest that statement? why it still thinks I was wrong that time? I could have let things be as it was, Why did I take the initiative of confessing things? It’s been a quite long time since I had remembered that deed but whenever I am alone I feel everything I had been through and I go through every conversation we had, Mistakes just sound very decent but realizing that mistake can lead you to the beautiful memories you had back then and then you’ll feel more depressed, whenever I get a glimpse I just cry from inside and try to accept the change that I had chosen and trust me it was my call to get detached from that poor thread who can’t able to take this much of weight of feelings. I AM EXPUNGING THE REMINISCENCE and it is quite difficult to do so but I think I am back to the zone I was before this beautiful period, I am at a verge of being narcissist. 

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Red Bird by Jeremiah de Rozario 

[jatin7gaurav]

and people call me a ‘BRAT’

I know being an obnoxious kid is not an easy task to survive in this society and people call me them a ‘brat’, but the truth is that, that they are one of the unique personalities who just say what they feel and do what they want and one of the main things that people judge is they do whatever moves them and they are just envious about that but why? , why can’t we do something that moves us? from the adrenaline rush to brain freeze they see us with the negative aspect but who are they? and who had given them a right to call us a brat? When you are at a party having a conversation over things and suddenly a person will start judging you with some of your belongings and call you a brat, is it that simple? why luxury things fascinate everyone when they don’t have that but why do they envy you? believing in you and doing is the solution to this dilemma, remember when you were at the party wearing a different kind of an outfit-making you different from others and you were at your highest level of confidence and suddenly someone just whispers something and the crux makes you the brat wasn’t it harsh? Why you can’t do what you like? why you are good for yourself and annoying for others? why you pretend insouciantly? and why you are running away from being you just because a person sees you as a brat? but trust me being an obnoxious kid is not that bad all you got eyes on you and at the end of the day, you are just a brat giving no shit to them.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Jazba by NAALAYAK

[jatin7gaurav]

Words never mean what we want them to mean.

Jonathan Safran Foer; Everything Is Illuminated (via quotefeeling)

[jatin7gaurav]

Should I Stop?

Every time showing the full efforts but at the end, you just end up with the failure tag, this is not easy you just doing whatever it takes and end with a broken heart that just shifts your mind to the melancholic state. This thing not only applies with the jobs but with the relationships you maintain with someone or anything. Brewing the strings between and showing the efforts goes into the veins when you do not accomplish the motto of your plan.

It's raining and raining, tiny droplets hitting the ground, greenery everywhere and you are in the gallery abnormally looking above the sky trying to detect the source of the rain and sipping coffee thinking about the relations you brewed with someone and where you are taking that? You jeopardise your existence with someone and questions yourself about the mistakes you did. Slowly you shift your eyes from top to bottom where the drops collide with soil and liberate the earthy fragrance and you realise, are you worthy for that person? Is your existence matter? Maybe this thing you will never know but recollect the memories you had with that person and drain those to the person you believe, to the person you trust to the person who equally takes part in your triumphant victories.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Khaali Si Rooh by Athul Prabhu

[jatin7gaurav]

De-emphasized

“It’s just a failure, just a moment, time will pass and things will get better now” I chanted in my head after facing an enormous number of failures. Am I perfect for what I’m doing? or I’m just wasting my time in the queue? Should I quit? - If it’s the solution then you will, being depressed and having anxiety is the part of our living cycle and trust me you are not afraid of that freaking failure, you are afraid of the freaking society, you are just afraid about your Respect, about your name in the family, you are afraid from those invisible taunts that you are just assuming, but remember about your last accomplishment, you were dying to share that news with the society, isn’t so? , that very moment did you criticized them? - Walking on a thorny path is tough but that feeling when your journey is over on that path is way different and beautiful. It’s quite natural that your folks will liken with an overachiever but remember they do that with elation they are not frivolous. Just enjoy what you are going through, and don’t give a damn! Sometimes it is good to be a narcissist than downhearted.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Khoj(Passing By) by When chai met Toast

Sun toh Lo by Avanti Nagral

[jatin7gaurav]

CityLights

Left the town with a spark, hoping for new things, Planning for the journey, and Craving for extreme new delights.

Standing at the door leaving your folks for the adventure with a little tear of separation and cheerful mood of being alone, Starting the journey and forgetting all your strains behind, tilting your head to the window seat vibing with the music and observing the roads and lost in the city of your dreams that you have made for you. You are completely lost and regardless of your worries and anxieties, you are on the way to your journey that is gonna start.

Touched down the destination and completely lost from where and how to start exploring, checking the itinerary constantly but unable to find the way, somehow managed to start but things are completely different from my dream city’s perception. Did I use to imagine things so much? or I use to build my perception of things? Things are not as same as we use to imagine but still, we try to create the exact same scenarios as we dreamt of. From Posing for photos to laughing for candids, from Sunrays to Moonlights everything is sorted in our mind, but did things goes as we had planned? IDK!

But somehow, somehow things will start taking shape not exactly but yeah, and you will feel sheer amazed. Walking on a complete anonymous road that may lead you to an undiscovered place is the most beautiful moment of the trip, Enjoying sunset and walking down from hills after dark, is the time when you feel blessed that you have seen the beautiful sun sinking in between the valleys.

From forts to Buildings, from Rajwadas to Cyber Cities we have seen intense changes, but living the past today feels like something different and weird, coming from a sustainable developed place and seeing underdeveloped things is simply awful for our hearts, did we bothered about our privacy back then? IDK, but things are different now a little number of traditions are left and we even don’t know that for how long?

Observing things and touching old stones with bare hands simply warmed my heart with deep feelings for past, ardour the beauty with eyes and walking in the cold breeze with sleeves up just mesmerize the memories, But leaving there is the part of our life although I believe that I will never procrastinate to remember these beautiful memories that I had lived.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Milon chala by Aashu

Willow by Taylor Swift

[jatin7gaurav]

Past that Matters

You Knelt down when it was the time to hustle, now feeling sympathetic about that numb past, Ideas rushing through your mind and you are completely helpless because it’s the high time where you can’t do anything, the time where you could’ve manipulated things have gone too far, the time where you could have done magics just vanished, the time that you could have groomed yourself left you alone with no one by your side. And you are alone at a shore and screaming in agony that why I did all these ?, why I made my Past a mess? Why did I use to chant about her in my mind? Failures are the part of the journey that describes you that how much effort you are putting in to make that failure into a success. Let’s lead your journey to your moon, be the protagonist of your story and lead the chapter in your way, but always giving a shot at something that will harm you a lot. Remember taking risks and completing the job is not a big deal but dealing with the situation is.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Vardaan By CarryMinati

[jatin7gaurav]

Part of the Journey is the End...

Ending with a good note

It all started with a hurry , fear and a race in mind that how this year will gonna be? maybe not as good as we thought , not as good as we dreamt of , but sitting back home with no work and chilling while staring outside the empty roads through the window in summer and hearing rain drops touching the grounds in monsoon we all have noticed those tiny little things . The cliché line ‘The part of the Journey is the End’  is such a suitable for the current scenario , we all are un aware of the future , little while ago it we even thought that we will live after 14 days or not , but living in those myth and experiencing the situation is the part of the society where we are growing. Walking on the roads at night for things and thinking about old ways of living lives , tears in some eyes and chittering in dark people were dying and things are getting out of control but having courage and facing all bad situations is what humanity is known for. Getting results and getting offended with people’s comportment is what we have experienced this year.

Trying to vanish those things that we did wrong , fading away the memories of the journey we drove this year. 

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Mood by Nick Daniels

[jatin7gaurav]

That should be me

In a room alone with a Laptop on desk and lying on the chair with the worst posture , finding the ideal things and working since hours , yeah it sounds so you but there are certain things that constantly rush in the mind while working , and these are nothing but stupid thoughts , the thoughts about your future and those unusual things that nothing gonna happen , you will think of your bad routine in that working time when your important lecture is going on and all the flaws you have that made you a wrong human according to you , but you know why this happens ? because you just lack in me time or you can say self time in which you can contemplate , and while working you are just alone in the corner where you sit and lost in the state where everything is less important than you and believe it or not those outputs are not so satisfactory. With teary eyes and stuffy heart you just curse your luck when things are not going as you have planned.

Listening While Writing

140 Proof by Lucas Warwick

[jatin7gaurav]

Responsibilities

They say “With great power comes great responsibility” but it’s a cliché. The time when your little shoulders getting some powers/ responsibilities somewhere in your heart there is a little tickling that maybe in this crowd i am the one who got chosen for this job but in your brain there are number of strategies rushing that how you’ll gonna change everything with that , yeah might be strange for you but the time when you are not able to implement / execute those things you feel demotivated , you start avoiding things related to that , you will ignore the ideas and at the end you will decide to leave that thing because you just failed in couple of things and you will start blaming the post where all started, and day by day those things which are related to that duty will become the worse of all , maybe you will never remember those old days because of that and somewhere inside you , you will blame yourself only for the loss you had but deep down in your heart  you still believe that if i was still there definitely i could’ve done that easily but everything got messed up and maybe somehow i managed to fly back and fix those things that i did then but Time Never Settles .

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Let’s Fall in love for the Night By FINNEAS

[jatin7gaurav]

Leaving things Behind

Time flies in realizing the matter of fact that giving up everything for only one thing is not enough for it , jostling for the results and vanishing your everyday thing is very sad to think , While preparing for the war we lost every thing their contact , their vibes , their unrevealed facts and their never ending stories . But sometimes it is true that for getting something it’s natural to lost one of the precious thing you ever had , and while giving away that dear thing you feel just broken and not able to digest you lost  , you lost that only freaking thing that meant so much to you but in the deep corner in your brain You still think that whatever has happened or happening is good for you because some people move on but very few of them let them fade away from their lives . It’s hard to believe that , that dear thing is not with you but you have the best of that , Your evolved version , that very version for you left everything behind and maybe that jostling is not always Painful but while remembering it , it hurts.

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Quin By Kavya Trehan

[jatin7gaurav]

Distance - an illusion

When you are homesick just remembering your old time with families and their laughter , didn’t know when all this gonna happen again , stucked with unfamiliar peoples who don’t understand me , all the way coming tired from work and just missing the usual question “how was your day” yeah probably you are homesick and you really don’t know how you are gonna deal with this , in the mid year you left all , you left your friends , their emotions and being a member of their gang . And maybe it’s the end maybe you are not gonna reunite as usual you use to be i know it sounds scary but life is all about moving on and finding new peoples and making them as your constants . Never mind hat homesick thing it’s a phase where you learn to be independent not only in your academics or work but in the the game of self survival also . You will always remember the first night that you had spent in the corner of the room just staring at some random cozy corner of the ceiling and asking just one question from you why are here? Am I competent or incompetent ? Why they left me ? there is so much to ask and so much to answer but then you will gently close your eyes and got lost in the vibes where you are supposed to be in your dreams basically you fall asleep and next day after waking up you will have a strange feeling of a new place from where the sun looks very different and that morning is not as usual as it use to be. And if you are feeling all of these then Congratulations welcome to the Grown Ups Club. You Know when the time you were leaving the home and those corners were screaming for your comeback and somewhere inside your heart you knew that you will never gonna return here and live for the long time as you used to live back then , be grateful that from now after homecoming you will be the guest in your own home and everything will become a memory and that nostalgia is just beautiful , and on the other hand it’s hard to believe that you never gonna make those memories again. 

#ListeningWhileWritingThis

Ek Raat by JalRaj (Reprise)

[jatin7gaurav]

How She vanished.....

All alone in a state where you see no one coming by your side and standing alone , just waiting for her to come to save and help you to get out from this state but angels are only in the movies not in real life you will keep on waiting for her and she will not come to save you , you are the one who put you in that same condition or state by yourself , helping you by your own is the one step towards move on and then you will see the rays , rays of hope from her and it might be possible that she might be back for you because she had never left.      There must be thousands of possibilities and reason of being left alone but there is only one reason of her return will be your respect for her and always you .

#ListeningWhileWritingThis 

Waiting by Autograf