jawreggy - Tumblr blog

[jawreggy]

its been a fun ride tumblr. sadly, here we end it. the only mistake i did was to tell my attachment with you to someone who couldn't protect my emotions and feelings. for years, no one knew u existed. it was fun. lovely. for years you kept my thoughts, my emotions with no judgements. but in order to move forward, i have to give u up.

on to the next blank canvas. ciao.

[jawreggy]

to my favorite ppl,

lately I've been catching my breath

wanting to breathe from all the things I am dealing with

wasted my time thinking it will be better everyday

but days are just getting harder

we are growing faster

i can't even begin to accept that we will grew apart somehow

but this, here.

in this place, in this time. i can finally breathe knowing that i am not the only one who's drowing

we have scars to seal, bridges to burn, life to live at its best

but here we are, in the sea of people, all i can hear is our hearts, our voices and our pain.

with you beautiful humans, everything will be okay :))

*insert jolly and lester*

[jawreggy]

Reputation will always be special because that album more than any others was a special moment between her and those of us who were real, ride or die fans. It was OUR THING and yes it was still a massive album but it was different. Happy birthday sweet child 🖤

[jawreggy]

never take advice from someone who's falling apart

[jawreggy]

forgive

forgive yourself for the nights u chose chaos and anxiety over your inner peace

forgive yourself for choosing them instead of yourself

forgive yourself for allowing people to enter your life again, and hurt you again ten thousand times more

forgive yourself for fighting for someone who was not willing to fight with you

forgive yourself for loving someone too much that cost you your kind, sweet gentle heart

forgive yourself for listening to the voices in your head that only brought you insecurity and doubt

forgive yourself for giving your all to someone who cannot keep up with your growth

forgive yourself for ruining the boundaries you build

forgive yourself for not protecting thyself from people who doesn't love you the way you should be

forgive yourself for exploiting your peace to serve other's selfish desires

forgive yourself for failing again because you will, again; and hurting yourself will not keep you from it

lastly, forgive yourself for sacrificing your time and fellowship with Him for people who does not value and appreciate your whole being

forgive yourself. you deserve kindness from yourself. you have so much to give yet people took you for granted. one day, there will be people or a person who will value and love you in the way you deserve. but today, choose to forgive yourself.

[jawreggy]

midnight rain is for my hs best friend who confessed his affection towards me; but i turned him down bcs he was nice, gentle and sweet. he does not deserve someone who was broken and unemotional available.

"my town was a waste land, full of cages. full of fences. pageant queen and great pretenders."

- we live in in a different town but same province. a lot of people dealt with insecurities and full of great pretenders, and i am the greatest pretender.

"my boy was a montage. slow motion, love potion... i broke his heart cause he was nice"

- broke his heart cause he was too good to become my parachute. too good to be used for my own good. too kind to hurt. too smart and brave to leave.

"he was sunshine, i was midnight rain. he wanted it comfortable, i wanted that pain. he stayed the same."

- he was sunshine, his smile, his lips, his tan skin, his principle, his integrity, his kindness, his humor, his affection. he wanted good, but i wanted that complicated. he stayed the same, sweet and good, but all of me changed like midnight.

"i guess sometimes we all get. just what we wanted, just what we wanted. and he never thinks of me."

- now he's unavailable, i think his happy. but i hope he still thinks of us. what would've become. we could've become.

I guess sometimes we all get. some kind of haunted, some kind of haunted. and I never think of him. except on midnights like this.

- i never think of him, nor of us. what could've, what we would've. except midnights like this.

[jawreggy]

all i can think is blue. your face, your lips, your tan skin, your innocent eyes. the voice is getting louder. its harder to keep it inside with this loudest chatter I hear, or the longest time i kept it in the back of my mind. or maybe I'm too drunk to kiss all the bad things away. too naive to think that way. but one thing is for sure, what if you chosed me. what could've become? what will it be?

[jawreggy]

"and i wake with your memory over me. that's a real fucking legacy to leave"

[jawreggy]

the only thing that kept me at night is the fact that my ex girlfriend is in a relationship with a sexual predator and sad manipulative asshole that I told her about when we were dating, but i guess it was me, hi, its me, i'm the problem 😌

Surprise! I think of Midnights as a complete concept album, with those 13 songs forming a full picture of the intensities of that mystifying, mad hour. However! There were other songs we wrote on our journey to find that magic 13. I’m calling them 3am tracks. Lately I’ve been loving the feeling of sharing more of our creative process with you, like we do with From The Vault tracks. So it’s 3am and I’m giving them to you now. 🌌

https://taylor.lnk.to/taylorswiftmidnights

[jawreggy]

open letter to my younger self

TW//

dear jess, today let's talk about your sexual abuse. u never put it into writing, u bury it inside ur head, but this time we talk about it.

we were molested during our 4th grade. it was a normal day, we are heading into our grandparents house to eat lunch. it was sunny and the walk is long. along that walk we were stopped by someone who is mentally sick, how do i know? bcs he was my classmate's neighbor. he has an illness, a retarted guy. in my mind he is not harmful, or so i thought. he told me that he knows a shorter way to get to my grandparent's house. as a kid we all want to get in the destination fast, so I agreed to come. he lead mo to this small alley, i know this place. it was in the side of their apartment building. he gave me a stick, yep a stick. he touched me and lift me up. he told me to remove the spider web on the wall, yep weird right but he gained access through my uniform skirt all the way to my panties, and next thing I know he was touching my small, developing vagina. i was so confused of what's happening, i don't know what to react. all i can feel is pain, pain coming from his touch. it happened so fast, and next thing i know i am asking him to stop. then he puts me down and i ran away fast, confused, scared and alone. i realized, that was the start of me having fear, and uncomfortable around guys.

it doesn't stop there...

when i was in high school, my cousin molested me. i was sleeping at my father's room and then i woke up feeling his dick in my ass, he is rubbing himself against my back. and yes it did not happen once, it happened twice. i developed fear from him. for me it hurts that he did all that. we were close, we grew up together, he was my buddy. we are still close today but i still have this fear when he's around, especially when we are alone.

so why r we talking about it. bcs i realized younger self, that we've been through a lot. we have been sexually, mentally and physically abused by other people and by our past exes. and it created this wall of trust issues, insecurities, doubtfulness, extreme self criticism and unworthiness. we settled with people who gave us bare minimums bcs in the back of our heads that is what we only deserve.

I just realized, maybe that is the reason why I am comfortable to havw girlfriends instead of boyfriends, bcs I am in control. bcs in the times i was molested, i felt weakness, vulnerability. i hide in this strong minded woman who are really broken inside, can't even form a healthy relationship with others without giving up control.

now, i come to terms that maybe this also the reason why i am so scared to try things with this boy i really really like, bcs of all the traumas i have been through esp fr my recent relationship that really broke me that really questioned my worthiness that i am still struggling to heal from.

with all my brokeness, the one thing that kept me fighting is the truth. The truth that regardless of my lacking, the scars that my body bears, the traumas, the failures and affliction I have today, I know God still loves me. He loves me completely and unconditionally. He didn't see me for what i see myself, He only sees His son righteousness. And right now, that is enough. Enough to go on, enough to believe that He is preparing someone for me who will love me in the way I should be loved, and treated. A person who will accept all of me. A person that I truly deserve after all the things that my body had endured.

why am I sharing this? so u can be aware that keeping your traumas all by yourself will create a massive diversion from making yourself whole and heal. talk about it with someone u trust, cried all about it to God. and ask Him to give u people that will help you get through it. it took me years to acknowledge all of this but finally here i am writing about it bcs he gave me people that really listened.

and this is it younger self. remember that whatever we endured, u r loved and valued by someone who will never disappoint you :)) go, and chase whatever He desires for you ❤️

love, jess

[jawreggy]

Niki hits different at night

[jawreggy]

It was me

I was the affair

and she thought love was gonna save her

but love doesn't show

its the way she doesn't try

its the truth before the lies ~

[jawreggy]

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSRQr7U3a/

a year ago, i drove from our house to ligao to visit this beautiful mountain.

a year ago it was a different season, different time

a year ago i was a different person

now i can't wait to go back being a different person again ✨️

[jawreggy]

"you're one of the few things that I'm sure"

now I don't know anymore, bcs u were never sure about us

[jawreggy]

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6b9kCX57EKUHHCwuTpNZe1?si=lRHbp0LHSaaYL6lY320wUg&utm_source=copy-link

no wonder Janina is my favorite influencer. we exhaust so much onto the things that does not gurantee us a roi. but one thing is for sure, one thing is only true, recognition from this world will never measure to the satisfaction of knowing that all the efforts, energy and attention we exhaust is seen by Him. He is the greatest ROI we could ever have. i don't have to do anything, He already accepted me, loved me and continously loving me for who I am and my becoming. and yeah, i truly believe i am not done being single. enjoying Him all by myself is the best self care I could reward myself. now i'm gonna cry hahaha. i hope u r blessed too today :))

[jawreggy]

"believe people when they tell you and show you who they are, don't treat them for the potential they can be"

you-

yes you. don't settle for words. settle with words and actions, bcs you deserve someone who gives the same effort and energy you exhaust.

don't let words occupy your ideals, let words be practiced in his/her actions.

and you, you deserve more than u can give. right person will come, and that right person will treat you more than u deserve.