jaxmorrow-blog - Tumblr blog

[jaxmorrow-blog]

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Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[jaxmorrow-blog]

@theharmonie-blog @jesiryu-blog @poetsoldjournal-blog-blog @raffisavino-blog @riverdeveraux-blog @pamr-blog @catherinevanderbilt-blog-blog @alexfarris-blog-blog @izzyberinger-blog @brandonrandolph-blog @abigalestewart-blog 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

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Oh snap, y'all. Puddn 8 just showed up!! Lawl #stupidpersonalplates

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<3 this guy. :)

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Waiting for graduation to start :)

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This is actually sorta delish.

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My early evening. Freaks and Geeks and knitted goodness :)

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Yay i got my instax film in today :)

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Starting a hat for myself. Hoping to finish it by Wednesday night. Nobody talk to me for a few days looool

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Did my nails. Sally hensen 'jaded' and the new gem crush in 'big money' as an accent nail. <3 that gem crush

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*Leaving a note for @Brandon_NYC to find when he finally gets home*

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My new apartment.  *Blink blink*  Yeah, I'm as surprised by it as you are.  Someone owes Brandon a favor, so I'm able to rent this baby cheap.  Otherwise, I'd still be in my shoebox sized "apartment".  *Runs around in tiny circles, excited*

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Journal Entry (written in my actual journal this time)

Friday July the 23rd ~

Damon is out of my life for good this time.  Why did I let him back in in the first place? *Sighs quietly to myself and rubs my forehead*  Despite what he had done to me when we were dating before, I thought maybe there was something in him that had changed.  He even acted different...as though he really did care to show me he had changed.  And I foolishly fell for it.  Because.....well because he was familiar.  I was stupid and fell back into what was familiar for me instead of putting myself out there into the world of the unknown.  And I have never been very good at the unknown.  Despite all outward appearances, it frightens the hell out of me;  letting someone in, telling them about who I really am, giving away pieces of me that I've kept inside for so long. 

I never really cared to until Brandon came along.  Despite the fact that Damon knew what I was, he didn't know who I was.  But in his defense, he didn't try to get to know who I was.  And I was just fine with that arrangement.  But Brandon....totally different.  I don't know what it is, but I feel that letting out those pieces of me around him is right...is what I should be doing.  Maybe because he has pieces of himself he's holding back as well?  *Bites my lip and smiles a little*  Though he doesn't know that I know what he is.  I smelled the magic on him the first time we met, and, from what I have smelled on him since, I know him to be powerful.  I feel like this is somehow unfair to him, seeing as he has no clues as to what I am.  But I'm not quite ready for him to know.  *Sighs a little and wonders how I'll get away for the full moon* 

So what's happened in the past few days?  Let's see.......

~ Turns out Damon hadn't changed and was trying to two-time me with a friend of mine, @SummerSteeze.  She wanted me to meet this new mystery guy she was dating and invited me to one of her sets at Rose Bar.  Brandon happened to be there for a meeting of sorts, and it turned out Damon was said mystery guy.  What a fucking mess!  Damon said some things I don't wish to repeat....and Brandon got so pissed he started wailing on him.  *Bites my lip a little*  It was kind of hot...in an old school defending mine and Summer's honor sort of way.  Even though I could have kicked Damon's ass just as hardcore...but we won't tell Brandon that.  ;)  So yeah, there was an ass kicking and I think I sort of maybe was in shock about it.  All I remember is Summer helping me back to Brandon's place and getting me drunk.  Poor Summer....at least she didn't have 8 months of lies.  *Thinks: I need to text her and see how she's holding up*  And at least I didn't fully let him back into my life.

~ Brandon kissed me.  Finally.  And ohmygod was it everything I'd thought it would be and much much more.  *Smiles softly and touches my bottom lip* Talk about unexpected...I'd really thought that he just wanted to be friends, but that kiss...that kiss and all of those since then have proven otherwise.  That fluttery feeling in my stomach had gotten worse and worse over the past few weeks when I'm around him, and now I know it wasn't just me being silly.  Things are really good so far, if a little tentative.  I'm enjoying being around him, but sometimes I'm not really sure what I'm doing.  Or what I'm not doing.  It's unnerving liking someone so much and being inexperienced in the whole...being with someone department.  I don't want to screw it up.  Also, we're not calling this a relationship...it's just plain happiness for now.  And I'm totally fine with it.  He makes me happy.  Very much so.  Sometimes I have to stop myself from smiling because I realize I'd been thinking about him.  I'm sure some of the non-regular customers think I'm daft.  *Laughs quietly and bites the end of my pencil*

~ I'm moving.  *Squees quietly to myself and grins* Brandon and I played a game of pool and placed a bet.  If I won, I got any wish of mine granted and if he won...I moved closer to him.  Despite the fact that I can in no way afford any of the places that are close to his, I am somehow moving into Astor Heights.  Brandon says that someone owes him a favor, sooo....I'm paying about the same rent as I was in my tiny apartment, but moving into a much larger, much nicer space.  I feel like I'm cheating someone somewhere.  That apartment is so perfect, and it's only like two blocks away from his place at The Rise.  *Smiles sadly and looks around my little apartment* I've lived in this little place for almost three years now, and it's going to be odd leaving it.  But I'll be really glad to be closer to Brandon.  I never thought of myself as someone to ever do something like move to be closer to someone.   

But here I am, traversing the unknown.  And sort of loving every minute of it.  Is this what they mean by 'whirlwind romance'?  *Bites my lip a little and looks out the window*  Maybe we aught to slow it down just a little bit....just in case.  For now though, I'll enjoy all the little moments with my happiness.

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Tiesto is one of my favorites....this song is on repeat on my nano right now.

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"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different." -Coco Chanel

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Journal Entry (written on a paper napkin, stuffed quickly into my purse)

Sunday July 18th ...

He kissed me while we were making bacon.  Literal bacon, not figurative. 

Ohmygod.  <3

More later...he's coming back to the table.

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Journal Entry (written on a random notepad)

I am sitting here in Brandon's office, pretending to doodle.  His eyes are on his paperwork, and he is so immersed in what he's doing that I don't think he realizes he's biting the end of his pencil as hard as he is.  I wonder if the eraser tastes good.  *Giggles to myself and looks back to the paper* 

There's so much I want to say to him right now.  I get the feeling there's something he wants to tell me also, but he's holding back for one reason or another.  Damon maybe?  I don't know.  *Peeks back over at him and smiles softly*  I told Brandon I'd give Damon another chance, and so far I've not been totally disappointed, but Brandon seems to act like he's jealous.  He snapped at me last night before he passed out, and that's just not like him.  Said that we both knew he made me happier than Damon ever could.  And the sad thing is that I know he's right.

But what could I ever have that Brandon would want?  He's got a bevy of high society beauties at his fingertips.  I don't have money, or a name, or much of a family.  I know he appreciates my friendship because it's uncomplicated and no drama.  It has to be tiring being around people who only think of themselves.  He has a big heart, though he'd never admit it, and it probably breaks every time a "friend" takes advantage of his position.  Something he knows I'd never do.  *Sighs quietly* 

I get those butterfly feelings sometimes.  Ok, who am I fooling.  A lot.  Like...more than once a day.  But I don't let it get out because I know that he appreciates just being able to BE when I'm around.  I don't want to complicate things for him.  I like the fact that he can just be when I'm around.  I like the fact that I'm probably the one simple thing in his life.  I'm not really sure I even WANT to date Damon.  Even though we're just friends, what I have with Brandon is like 89% better than the 'relationship' Damon and I had, and are now trying to have.  And he is trying, despite what the little voice in my head is saying.  Yeah, like I'd ever trust him fully again.

*Stretches out on the couch thinking, looks out of Brandon's huge office window* Who am I kidding?  If he looked at me right now and said "Let's run off into the sunset together and have 800 babies and live in the middle of nowhere" I'd say "Lemme grab my purse.  Hope you've got a good doctor."  I've tried so hard to tell him so many times now, but my mouth is holding out on me.  Or maybe my teeth.  It's probably my teeth that won't let it come out.  Stupid teeth.

I guess for now, unless Brandon says something first which I'm not even sure he feels that way, I'll give Damon a chance.  A small chance.  And if that doesn't work out?  I'll be Brandon's friend and probably wait in the wings until we're 31.  I'm not even going to think about what I'll do when he finds someone.  That thought is NOT going to enter my mind.  No sir.  Nuh uh.  Time to think about something else now.

Ooooh someone brought coffee and cinnamon coffee cake!