jaysteezzzy - Tumblr blog

[jaysteezzzy]

You're a little obsessed with yourself, aren't you?

well no one else is gonna do it

[jaysteezzzy]

[jaysteezzzy]

I really don’t get hugged enough.

[jaysteezzzy]

I’m glad all is good and I’m not left in the dark anymore, but for the sake of my well being & yours also I’m just gonna chill the fuck out. I’ll still focus on my shit and do me. You have your own stuff going on. I’m just gonna try to be a little more distant so that I could still work on bettering myself. I mean I think I’ve been doing pretty well actually. It’s just stupid that I have to get hurt and turn a little numb towards our friendship a little bit. But if that’s how we get shit to happen then so be it. Idk why out of the nights tonight was where I was reminded about it all. I was doing just fine without being reminded about it all.

[jaysteezzzy]

It is literally like the whole month of me being depressed did not happen what so ever.

[jaysteezzzy]

Trying to be inclusive so no feelings get hurt.

[jaysteezzzy]

Things are cool now, like you actually called me while you were driving today which I did miss. Thanks for doing that, also last night was fun I missed you and when we were saying bye and you said “love you”, it caught me off guard. We are good but I just still have shit to get over, but I won’t bother you with all that shit.

[jaysteezzzy]

And we are back :)

[jaysteezzzy]

This scene won’t play, I won’t say I’m in love!

[jaysteezzzy]

Since when was I just “anyone” to you?! I don’t fucking understand. I would never just stop talking to you like you did to me. This shit didn’t hurt as much as the last one only because I’m not cut off completely but I just feel so restricted? Can’t just get me used to a routine then take that away from me. I feel like the worst part is I feel like I’m hurt and you aren’t by all this.

[jaysteezzzy]

I don’t understand why I’m having such a hard time trusting that I won’t get left hanging.

[jaysteezzzy]

To what extent is it that you’re being stupid for waiting around for someone that you don’t even know will return?

[jaysteezzzy]

I don’t need another sleepless night I don’t want another sleepless night.

[jaysteezzzy]

I understand that things won’t ever be like how they were, but is the friendship even still there?

[jaysteezzzy]

“It’s just shit you’re going to have to get over”

I have literally been repeating that to myself whenever I start to overthink or rethink about everything. Because I just don’t want this to be something that comes up at the wrong time. All of us thinking that I’m dandy and alright. And I know I have to mostly do this for me but I’m doing this partially for everyone else around me. I’m afraid of losing people in my life, I have that fear in me that once I fuck up people will just drop me like I was nothing. WHICH is also also another thing that I do have to work on with myself because, I really do have some deep rooted issue I mean who doesn’t nowadays and it’s just not fair to anyone that’s in my life and doesn’t have the intention of leaving me or hurting me. I need to stop preparing myself for my next heartbreak. And just have that trust in people.

[jaysteezzzy]

[jaysteezzzy]

Been wanting to drive to the pier on my own but waiting for it to be summer time...