jaywoods1

[jaywoods1]

Funny little poem me and my friend made

This little shit went to market

This little shit doesn't date

This little shit has no gender

And this little shit is very gay.

[jaywoods1]

In the human world in season 3

Lucifer: Okay, we need to go to the market to pick everything up, no sneaking out.

Belphie: Ugggg, it's going to be a pain to carry everything….

Levi: And it's so far away!!!!

Mc: Oh, I'll give you a lift in a moment, it's 10 minutes by car.

The brothers: ????

Mc: What?

Mammon: You… You drive?

Mc: Ummm yeah?

Satan: *surprised* How?

Mc: …

Mc: *taking a breath* I'm an adult, remember? Maybe in the devildom I'm dependent on you guys, but here I live on my own, and driving is just one more thing out of many.

The brothers: *having an existential crisis in silence*

Lucifer: … I don't know how I should process this.

Mc: *between disbelief and about to burst out laughing* Why?

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Yes, guys, Mc can live perfectly well on their own, mostly because there is no other way, as they are demons, they forget. Now the fear that Mc will get tired and leave is more present than ever, because Mc doesn't really need them to survive ​😂​​😂​​😂​ .

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[jaywoods1]

"Ohhhh, you mean Dia. Yeah, he just does whatever he wants and eats the people that are mean/hit on me."

“So what’s your power?” Said the all-seeing super-powered individual, “Telekinesis” you said “……….so it’s not the ability to order around the invisible monster that follows you around?” “The fucking what?”

[jaywoods1]

“So what’s your power?” Said the all-seeing super-powered individual, “Telekinesis” you said “……….so it’s not the ability to order around the invisible monster that follows you around?” “The fucking what?”

[jaywoods1]

Can I have a pain en chocolat?

some of you bitches deserve a nap and a milkshake tbh

[jaywoods1]

*cocks shotgun*

Alright you little shits. Time for you to learn how to shoot.

You, new in town and strapped for cash, see an ad in the paper; apparently, a "Gomez and Morticia Addams" are in need of a babysitter to watch their two children during a business trip. Despite the VERY high pay, no one has pursued it. Ignoring warnings from the locals, you sign up.

[jaywoods1]

Barbatos: Thanks for helping me with the cleanup Mc.

Mc: No problem!

Barbatos: The truth is that clean is more bearable while we talk.

Mc: Ha, you can't even imagine how much fun it is to do it with songs of heartbroken ladies.

Barbatos: ?

Diavolo: Barbatos *entering the room** have you seen-

Mc and Barbatos: *giving it all while “La gata bajo la lluvia ” plays in the background *

Mc: *cleaning a high shelf and drops down* Seré la gata bajo la lluviaaaa!!!! (I'll be the cat under the rain)

Barbatos: *picks them up while cleaning the bottom with a feather duster* Y maullare por ti~ (and I'll meow for you)

Diavolo: I see you're busy….

Mc and Barbatos: *stopping abruptly clearly embarrassed* ….

Diavolo: *throwing the papers on the floor* I want too !!!!

In the end they only cleaned one room

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This is for those people who enjoy those songs as if they have been in a loveless marriage for 40 years that finally ends in a dramatically painful way…. Mc is those people (me too) and after this Barbatos too 😂😂😂😂😂.

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[jaywoods1]

She has my applause

Women are getting rid of their Trump supporting partners while they still legally can since they clearly don't give a shit about them or any other woman.

If you're thinking about getting a divorce, you should do it while you still can.

[jaywoods1]

The first days in the exchange program

Diavolo: So you can't go long without water?

Mc: *funny* Exactly without water we die.

Diavolo: I'll make sure that you always have water at your disposal Mc, don't worry!

Mc: *laughing* Too much water can also kill us you know?

Diavolo: *face of complete horror*

A few days later

Diavolo: *totally terrified* Barbatos Mc is in danger!!!! We have to save them!

Barbatos: *alarmed* Why? What's going on?

Diavolo: We are in the rainy season and it's raining a lot, the excess of water can kill Mc!!!!!

Barbatos: I… I think that's not how it works young master.

Mc: *with a float bigger than themself* Don't you think it would have been a good idea if Diavolo had taken some classes on humam anatomy and nature before trying to interact with humans?

Barbatos: I deeply apologize Mc *ashamed*

Mc: Because Solomon does not qualify as normal human, you know?

Barbatos: I am very sorry Mc.

Diavolo: *with all kinds of safety floats* Don't worry Mc, we have it all under control.

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[jaywoods1]

SIGHNED

Petition to bring back the boop function next year for the ides of March where instead of a paw on the screen it’s a little knife that Caesar gets stabbed with

[jaywoods1]

Mc: Can anyone tell me three things that can kill a human?

Simeon: A blow too hard.

Solomon: The bite of a black widow.

Luke: Oh, and, and…. Almost any strong poison!!!

Mc: *grinning* That's it!!!!

All three of them look proud.

Mc: So, whose idea was it to bring me to a poisonous animal reserve on the edge of a cliff!!?????

Simeon and Luke: *looking sideways at Solomon*

Solomon: So *looking indignant*, the brothers can take you anywhere that puts your life on the line and I'm the bad guy for doing the same?????

Mc: Solomon, it isn't this a competition to see who can take me to the deadliest place?!!!! I like our afternoons of puzzles in Purgatory hall, you know?

Luke: *sighing* I told you it was a bad idea.

Simeon: Ha, ha, ha *understands Solomon deep down* but it was his turn to choose plan with Mc.

Solomon: And don't you think that with three angels and the best sorcerer you'll be more than safe? Am I right or not?

Raphael: Don't get me involved, I suggested a farm school to pet the donkeys.

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Solomon just wanted to impress Mc using the same tactics as the brothers, it doesn't work like that Solomon, you have your own charm and your own way of putting Mc in danger that no one else can replicate 😉.

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[jaywoods1]

GOD BLESS PATTI LUPONE BECAUSE SHE SAID THAT WITH HER ENTIRE CHEST 😭🫡

[jaywoods1]

[jaywoods1]

Mc: *laying on the carpet* Do you sometimes wonder how your own flesh taste?

Beel: *laying down next to them* It's a taste too strong, you wouldn't like it.

Mc: *shrugging* How- *standing up and looking at him* how do you know?

Beel: …

Mc: … *slowly lying down again* Okay… How would the clouds taste?

Beel: Cold water.

Mc: Cool.

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[jaywoods1]

trump dies of congestive heart failure before being sworn in charge to like cast to reblog

[jaywoods1]

I recommend hot chocolate, but make it fancy in your own way, like adding whipped cream and sprinkles. It will make you feel so much better. (Do not try if you can't have any of the ingredients)

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

[jaywoods1]

things we need to address:

gen z men getting pulled into alt-right pipelines through andrew tate, joe rogan, elon musk, jordan peterson etc

the gullibility and stupidity of half the country voting against our collective best interests

the broad effect social media has on public and common good

lazy minds and lack of empathy

outside-country interference (trump and elon’s connections to russia and the amount of bots from other countries spreading misinformation)

the long-term effects of AI and rampant disinformation