jazzsstash

[jazzsstash]

Their version of stripping works on Discworld troll rules.

People drawing Cybertronians in lingerie is so funny to me because it implies they find it attractive when someone wears more clothes.

[jazzsstash]

I mean

There’s more than one story I’ve seen about a human finding a selkie coat in a place it was left behind and putting it on.

And there being Consequences, if they have selkie blood.

Perhaps Drift’s grandfather Gasket left him an old coat?

More doodles of @keferon ‘s Apocalyptic Ponyo AU! AS SOON as I saw drift and ratchet I just had the urge to doodle this dumb little guy /affectionate

I love the lil selkie/seal cape idea, and it makes my brain go crazy. This page here isn't all that I want to doodle but rather just me getting used to drawing drift because keferon makes his face shape a very certain way and it hurts my brain if I don't get it accurate. I also just wanted to practice drawing more flowy & simple and I feel like this is an entertaining way to practice. Anywho- I have many thoughts on this AU and ratchet and drift and Roddy, but for now I shall keep them to myself otherwise this would be an incredibly long post about silly mermen <3

(small note: the little drift seal-mer doodle was just for funzies, Ik he's not a actually selkie or mer. I just wanted to doodle what I think he might look like as one >v<)

[jazzsstash]

Do you hate me?

I can try if you want

[jazzsstash]

My humble offering for the jazz op playlist

What can I do (for you) from Steven universe

hey. hey anon. how does it feel to know you actually made me INSANE

anyway i drew this for valentine's day 🩷❤️ please do enjoy it

[jazzsstash]

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY JAZZOP NATION 🩷💖💕💝

[jazzsstash]

Oh nooooo! XD Poor OP, is there any thing he has against Jazz that he can get back at him with? I'd probably be just as embarrassed if my ticklish/startle response was a honk

in terms of revenge i think squishing jazz is a pretty good way to get him back LOL

[jazzsstash]

idk. deceptiprowl au doodle i guess? its. its more of a quick and dirty illustration for a fic im cooking rn.

but like, i like to imagine this au. like, prowl decided that yeah, joining the cons is more beneficial and all -- and then, there's the. autobot saboteur. who is worse than prowl ever predicted anybody could be. or something haha

[jazzsstash]

jazz ur gonna give him a spark attack

bit of a follow up to this post X]

[jazzsstash]

Prowl: What would you say if I did this thing?

Optimus: Do not!! Do not do that.

Prowl:

Prowl: What would you say if I did this thing twenty minutes ago?

[jazzsstash]

Astoria! She dated Powerglide!

BIGGEST ROBOT FUCKERS IN THE FRANCHISE

[jazzsstash]

[jazzsstash]

pros and cons of scaring the shit out of ur big ass truck bf

[jazzsstash]

these fucking guys….

[jazzsstash]

This is when you start making sausage rolls, cheesy breads, and spinach and feta stuffed pastries.

Character who's suddenly decided they have a massive passion for baking x their partner who is very supportive of them but just doesn't care for sweets

[jazzsstash]

Historically, Praxus has not been favored by the Primes because it's Library City (And the principal producer of storage crystals). The reason that it’s deliberately neutral is because their priority is the free preservation and transmission of information, which makes them very unpopular with the Senate and with most Primes. Except, Optimus wants their help. He wants to create a global archive systems with interarchival loans that is accessible to as many citizens as possible, as a basic mechanism right.

Because of Praxus’s poor relationship with the Primacy, they just kind of send a slate of pretty mechs who wouldn’t be straight up offensive to offer to the Prime when it comes time for him to pick a conjunx. And Optimus looked at the slate and went, “Oh, that one likes solving complex problems, I have complex problems that need solving and I need an alliance with this city.”

Prowl is entirely blindsided by being chosen because why did he even pick a Praxian? And Prowl, especially? In this setting, Prowl is sort of a dropout because his “tac net” was supposed to help him be better at sorting and analyzing data, but had the unfortunate side effect of, not the crashes, they could handle that, but of making him need to get up and do things and feed it more info to keep it busy, which in practice means feeding it non-library data that’s less predictable. So, he ended up becoming an Enforcer, and taking on Enforcer coding, which has some obedience and loyalty coding in it because the city is deeply paranoid.

Optimus: oh wonderful, a gorgeous, brilliant, dedicated problem solver with a spark for public service from the city I need an alliance with

Prowl: Why The Everliving Frag Was I Picked.

Jazz, on the other hand. Jazz has known Optimus since he was Orion, has loved him for vorns upon vorns. He was planning to conjunx Orion. Got his musician legal identity squeaky clean, just a couple of charges so it's not suspicious (drunk in public, a few fines)

And then Orion became Optimus. He has identities with the power to conjunx the Prime, and with the clean record. But none with both.

The worst part is, it’s his fault. Orion was geeking out about the historical event of the choosing of the new Prime, and wishing he could see it. Sadly, only mecha of status are allowed to purchase tickets to the event. He called in a favor from Mirage, because he was officially the mech’s music instructor, and informally taught him how to be a sneaky lil glitch. Mirage was glad to give up his Tower’s two tickets to help repay Jazz. Jazz was planning to propose to him, after. Had his proposal gift in his subspace, an obscure history datapad about energon shipping and safety regulations.

Part of the ceremony is letting the little carrying drone swoop once over the bigger crowd before going back to the actual chosen candidates.

The Matrix slags the drone at the exact right time to pick Orion.

The problem: only noble frames were supposed to be at the matrix event. Functionists argue that the purpose of a noble frame is to be a potential leader, including being the only frames that can bear the Matrix.

The broadcast to the public of the Matrix choosing was heavily edited to make it not visible or audible what frame Orion was, and to cut out all of the audible distress and confusion in the congregation.

Due to the Matrix fritzing OP out somewhat, Jazz is the only one with a full, uninterrupted, unedited memory file of the event. Jazz is the only mechanism there aside from Orion without a vested interest in maintaining the narrative of only noble frames being worthy, and someone tried to bodily drag him away from OP to "make sure that the commoner doesn't tarnish your reputation, Lord Prime."

Both Jazz and OP are lucky that even disoriented, OP knew that he didn't want Jazz to leave his side, and simply locked his servoes around Jazz's wrist and refused to let them take him. Optimus appoints Jazz as his personal aide to protect him. Jazz would normally protest that he can protect himself, but he knows that having most of the noble population baying for his energon is dangerous even for him. His proposal gift never leaves his subspace, and he’s now certain it never will.

Then, it’s time for Optimus to pick a consort, to solidify his political goals and choose a partner to assist in them. Jazz helps, smiling through the feeling of his intake being clogged. Couldn't he just have asked the question sooner? They would've had to respect even a bond just sworn, not bonded. He makes sure that the mech that they pick will be one that Optimus can also be happy with. He deserves no less from his junx.

When Optimus's junx-to-be steps out of the transport, Jazz was expecting to hate the mech. But there's something wrong with the way he's walking, the way he's talking and dipping his head. He makes Ratchet do a scan.

He's helped Ratch pull this slag out of bots' heads before, he assures Prowl. And Optimus will approve, they don't need to ask. Prowl makes them ask. Optimus says that if Prowl is comfortable, that they can, and if not, that he will use every resource to find a way to free him that is agreeable to him.

Prowl has never had so much devotion expressed to him, or had such careful, gentle tendrils of code sifting through his processor, scrambling invisible traps and chains. Soon enough, too soon, he is free, and more lost than he ever has been in his life.

Prowl is trying to figure out what his role is in this new situation but he's getting conflicting information from his new… what does he call him when his obedience coding is stripped out (Conjunx, Prowl, conjunx) and from everything he was told to expect. He has his own habsuite, and Optimus gifted him a beautiful proposal gift: one of the most dense and powerful storage crystals available even off the official markets. A very traditional, romantic gesture for a junx-to-be. But then, why has Optimus not been traditional in pressing Prowl into moving into a shared habsuite?

The three circle each other in a complex dance.

Jazz is trying to seduce both of them, but he expects to be the pretty side piece that both of them indulge in. After all, Optimus is a romantic, and he can see the threads of trust and warmth slowly blooming from Prowl towards his junx. Them loving each other is going to be good. It's going to make them happy. And he gets to frag them, too! Everything is great.

He can’t expect more than that. Not now, after he missed his chance.

Meanwhile Prowl can see that Jazz adores Optimus, and is always hanging off of his arms casually in private. They have little intimicies, jokes and words that are used in ways that only the two of them know the answers to. Both of them are happy to explain, but sometimes they're smiling at each other and Prowl feels that there is an endless expanse of space between him and them that he will never bridge. He was relieved at first by having his own hab, but it soon turns to feeling like rejection. Especially when Jazz keeps following Optimus into his hab, and Prowl doesn't have the courage to.

…which one of them is he jealous of? Why is that in question? Isn't he supposed to be trying to find his junx more tolerable, if anyone?

And Optimus, Optimus heard the outrage from the second that Jazz commed him about his junx-to-be's medical exam, all righteous and fierce in his defense. He watches them bounce off of each other, Prowl very nearly offended but never quite there, and adapting quickly to Jazz's rapidfire mind in a way that Optimus never quite was able to. They are the two most extraordinary bots that he knows, and he feels quite… plain, next to the two of them.

Someday, he expects Prowl to ask for a bigger berth in his habsuite. He does not expect to be invited.

[jazzsstash]

Models of Peacemaking (And the Lack Thereof)

The focal point of the franchise is the Cybertronian civil war. Keyword: “the”. They haven’t had one before. Their society has been largely stable, if rotting in some ways, since Primes were declared the leaders.

In some continuities, the Quintessons interrupted the societal stability by invading and seizing power, and the Cybertronians fought them off with force. Victory was forcing the other side off of Cybertron. Loss was death or slavery.

Before that, there was Primus versus Unicron. Again, the same stakes. So even if that is encoded in the Matrix, the wisdom of this is the same as the lesson from the war with the Quintessons: drive off your enemies, or they will destroy you.

These are the only models for mass conflict that they have. They don’t have warring city-states. They don’t have rival countries. The closest model that they have that has repeated cyclically enough for them to learn something about how to handle it is gang violence, and I don’t see either Megatron or Optimus looking for conflict resolution solutions from there.

The only way that they know how to end a war is by forcing the other side to no longer be relevant, through death or driving them away. They do not have the experience of going home and building things back together. Of how to tolerate old, bitter resentments that cannot and are not allowed to flare into new physical conflict, but carve deep scars. Of forming new governments meant to heal the flaws of the old.

Perhaps this is why their war has stretched out for millions of years, neither side wanting to fully eliminate the other. Neither knowing what they would do with each other if they stopped fighting, because they have never fought each other before.

Perhaps Ratchet, one day, frowns at Sparkplug and asks him what a “peace treaty” is. Because “age” and “experience” are not the same, and humans are far more experienced at ending wars than the Cybertronians are. We have had hundreds more of them, long and short, large and small.

Perhaps, for once in millions of years, Optimus can see a way to end the war that he can stand to implement- one that made the Matrix go quiet, not having any experience to contribute. And maybe if he can persuade Megatron that this is real, he will see it as well. And they can build a form of peace that is not grounded in annihilation.

[jazzsstash]

Thank you, much appreciated!

imagine you're a Decepticon and you get injured and captured by Autobots and you're like well this sucks but it could be worse, Autobots are supposed to treat their prisoners well and Optimus Prime is like right over there so these guys are definitely going to stick to the code. I'll be fine.

but then instead of Doctor Ratchet some random fuckass human comes over with a toolkit and starts trying to re-connect your energon lines and you're like whoa whoa what the fuck and they're like what I'm fixing you and you're like don't these guys have a medic?? and the human is like well yeah but he's on the moon right now so you get me. do you want your energon lines patched up or do you want to bleed to death. your call.