jbisset

[jbisset]

Great Bright Light

The story goes like this: Mikao  Usui’s life was falling apart. His business was failing, his family life was strained, and he didn’t know what would fix everything. So he headed into the mountains to fast and pray. After a long time of isolation, and fervent seeking, he had a spiritual awakening. Light poured into his body and flooded his mind  suddenly he knew how he could solve all his…

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The Water Bottle

Frans Stiene describes Reiki in a beautiful way. He picks up a bottle of water and shows the side with the table on it. It states what is in the bottle. So if you are looking at it from that side, you may conclude that there is water in the bottle because the words say that is what is in it. But if you look at it from the bottom, you might see a surrealistic play of light and colors. Then you’d…

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What is Reiki?

Reiki is a many layered, multifaceted,  powerful,  beautiful thing. It is your true nature. Reiki is a combination of two Japanese words: Rei, meaning spiritual or universal, and ki, which means energy. “Yeah, but what IS it, really? Is it a religion? Do I have to believe in anything in particular?” Reiki, as the word is used today, is both a spiritual practice of breathing exercise,…

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What I Have to do to Stay Alive

I’ve ended up in ICU several times because of incomplete suicide attempts. When I tried to kill myself, I didn’t want to die. I just thought I had to die to save my kids. I was terrified of passing my history of trauma on to them. I thought they would have a better life without me–that they would have a chance. I was wrong. I was so wrong. Yes, I was very ill, and yes, my mental illness hurt…

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Stray Cat

I’m not sure when it started to happen, but at some point, we grew apart. I’m not saying we are less fond of one another– quite the contrary. I think I love you more now that I have nothing to gain and no reason to charm you. It does hurt a little to think that I am no longer part of your intimate circle. But I never belonged there— I was an intruder. It was a delusion to pretend…

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sometimes love looks like a wicker moon

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Splashing Duck Girl

I was just doing an exercise to help me discover what my life’s highest purpose might be. The first thing that popped into my awareness was the memory of the splashing duck that got me into a little trouble in second grade. We, (the class) were working on some kind of workbook and I saw a picture of a big yellow duck who was wearing a yellow raincoat with matching boots. He was splashing through…

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The House That Walked on its Nails

The House That Walked on its Nails

Once upon a time, a girl and her mother were sleeping side by side in the guest room of a cousin’s house. The house had been in the family for generations. It was dark in the guest room, but not scary, even though there were many new sounds to be wondered about.  What was that noise?” The girl asked  “That was the wind in the trees.” Mother said. It was quiet then, except for the sweet sound…

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All About Petunias

I want to know everything there is to know about Petunias. I want to know their species and subspecies, what kind of soil they like, and if they come back year after year or if they have to be planted every spring. I had a dream the other night about a woman who was from the beginning of time on earth. She wasn’t old and grandmotherly, but I knew she was from the ancient past. She had a bunch of…

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Fragments

The child’s dress is handmade from cotton material that was pink 75 years ago. Its tiny buttons go through tiny, handstitched buttonholes all the way from the bottom to the little scalloped collar. A pair of black, high top baby-shoes hang by their  laces around the neck of the dress on the hanger. There is 75 year old mud on the bottoms. How absolutely precious it is to me, a grandmother, to…

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Enedina

On summer nights We’d go out walking. The sky was black and the stars Were close enough to touch. The sun never rose. Once we opened the gas tank On the old Chevy in the driveway. She told me to breathe deep and I felt the ground Tilt. I was falling but not moving at all. There was a high pitched whine coming from Outer space, a million sharp points of sound Converging  in my head. I…

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Radio From the Psych Ward

Radio From the Psych Ward

March 27, 2022 In 1990 I tried to kill myself. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to give my kids a chance to grow up Without a damaged mother. I felt like poison to them, and I guess I was. When I was recovering in the psychiatric wing of Willingboro Hospital There was a nurse who brought a radio to my bedside. I couldn’t talk or communicate with anyone. I was lost in a grey fog. I…

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Why Is The Sky Blue?

Why Is The Sky Blue?

“… [T]he prevalent sensation of oneself as a separate ego enclosed in a bag of skin is a hallucination which accords neither with Western science nor with the experimental philosophy-religions of the East.”  Alan Watts, The Book of Knowing Who You Really Are Your first word was light. It’s ironic that you grew up to wear such a dark costume. I guess it wasn’t a costume as much as it was a…

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50 Words For Ego

There has been debate about whether the Inuit have 50 words for snow or not. But I’m not here to debate. I can see how useful it would be to have 50 ways to talk about snow. That’s why I think we ought to have 50 words for ego. The word ego has negative connotations. When someone gets all puffed up and starts to think they are superior to others, ego is a very bad thing. But having…

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It's All Soup

It’s All Soup

A recipie uses different ingredients prepared in different ways to produce a meal with certain flavors and nutritional value. In the same way, there have been many different influences shaping the way I see and interact with others and with my environment. These have been the most influential: Buddhism: the Noble 8 Fold Path that I aspire to for clear perspective, clear thinking, speech,…

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Akaal

(Akaal is a word that means undying. It is chanted when someone or some idea, dream or wish dies. It honors the light or the love that never dies but keeps unfolding. This is a song about aging.) I bless all the ghosts hard I’ve been holding onto, all the pieces of a puzzle that never comes together, because it’s never been meant to. Akaal akaal akaal akaal akaal akaal akaal! if I can just…

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First There Is A Mountain

First There Is A Mountain

I was trying to tell a friend about a meditation experience I had but it was like trying to find the smallest part of an atom—the closer to the truth of it we got, the more empy space there was. Never completely empty. There is always a seed. (But what is the seed made of but emptiness?) “First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is,” Remember that old Donovan song? That is…