jblone13-blog - Tumblr blog

[jblone13-blog]

feeling lost and like I haven't used my brain enough in the last month. A mixture of alch and starting my new job as left me to not think very creatively. Again and again drink. I do not no how to stop and I'm in the best city in the world. I must stop

[jblone13-blog]

feeling lost and like I haven't used my brain enough in the last month. A mixture of alch and starting my new job as left me to not think very creatively. Again and again drink. I do not no how to stop and I'm in the best city in the world. I must stop

[jblone13-blog]

[jblone13-blog]

[jblone13-blog]

[jblone13-blog]

Sitting back on a boat. Since inlighted last post I ended in a alcohol filled stressed out week after this. Drinking because I wasent thinking and it did make me back down. That thought of every thing I had, had gone. Then I went to London for a classic pissed up weekend that cost to much money and fuck load of Cockcain and drinking. Good to see people but same shit just feel like I had achieved nothing. I'm back on a boat again confused and even thinking of Tegan. Why it's cause I'm lost and starting to realise what my problems are. I'm lost between going to Vietnam or just smashing out these seasons and learning about things to help get there. I spent to much money but I did have great times I get Denie that. I'm just upset because all those huge commitments and self talk of make my self proud kinda went down the drain after Bosnia. I'm to over it I to over coming back and just having to go so healthy to take back from the constient darts and drinking. Learn from here mate remember try your hardest daily. Just do small things but do them and make your self proud

[jblone13-blog]

All this year I felt lost and ashamed of who I was becoming. I always had it in the back of my head that traveling will be the thing that will save me and right up to this point I felt the opposite. After having a panic attack and caring about the future to much. I drove down the crotia coast and gave my self a peep talk. Look where you are look what you are doing your 26 years old and that same feeling of when I was 22 came back, when I use to fly into Melbourne I felt free again. Since that moment my attitude changed. That night I got blowjob on kings landing even though that's nothing to 5 five about like I'm 17 just to know all that worry of all year about not getting girl was bullshit, but yeah I also realised meaning less sex is not me any more but as fukt up as it sounds knowing I can is enough at the time( all have a ego) waking up the next day I book a air bnb in the hills of bosnia andsince arriving life hasent been as beautiful for years. Well the first photo shoes everything but walking around town hung over not wanting to drink but walked past a hotel for the WiFi lead to this photo. Walked in and asked for a beer to the 6 waiters smoking and on there phone. One the guy who looked like he just came out a the war aenserd my questions. We start chatting general shit but from the drug f it was more then your normal chat. We moved round the corner as the chef of the hotel isent ment to drink 10 wines while at work. We get chatting and everything fell into place for me and who I am. Sitting with a guy who came from war toren crotia and saw his brother lost his dad and brother to the arm.and then moved to France to become a chef and was by him self from the age of 14. One of the smartest guys iv meet and nicest guys iv meet. He went on to tell me he's murder and robed people and spent 15 years in prison and as fukt up as that is the stuff I could only imagine he went through would do that to you. We talked about how fukt relgion is and that how his way of life of been a drunk chef in Bosnia with 3 hours of sleep a night in some ways was chilled and relaxing for him. I could end imagine the shit he's been through but the things he was saying there was no lie behind his words he was right in almost every level he was the the most out Las person I have ever meet. He liked me to he saw somthibg in me which as I'm getting older I realise I am a relatable old soul who is tourched in many ways. I drink because I meet people like this, this isent your normal Euro summer route but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love people like this and this probably my favourite person if meet. Runs his own life and i needed hear that from workinfbin Alfa Nero. I don't have to be somthibg that people think is cool or I think is cool. I needed meet more people like this and appriacte what I have and be a better person in my self. I'm kinda starting to figure it out. This is fsntastic

[jblone13-blog]

After telling my self if had a chilled weekend in the apartment in Zadar I was still anxsious, taking valium and drinking every night. I thought being alone in a apartment would solve my problems. Selfishly not really wanting to see Maria and try figure my shit would help. When I picked up Maria it was because I wanted sex I was not actuly very attracted and never been. Speaking to her about things and listening to her life made me realise she’s a pretty amazing girl but I still had the feeling of I didn’t wana carry this on at all which I think is normal I don’t how she thought about me though as Croatian are hard to read. It was always in the back of my head that she doesn’t compare to tegan and even saying that name makes me anxsious. Maybe because when I say it it brings me lolliness to think I will never find some one like her again or that false hope that I have always loved her even though there are plenty of other girls I have conversations with where we talk about more griping things. All year if felt lost and go back to thinking about Tegan and if do this or do that she will be impressed and hopfuly I will se her again. Last night I had I almost had a panic attack while walking around the city trying get to my accomodation feeling lost and confused just from seeing that she had started a job in yachting. Made me feel like I had to get back to work so I could prove to her that I’m capable. Forgetting everything around and all these amazing buildings and what I am actuly doing. These is my biggest issue all year and the feeling that keep trying make me self smarter by reading things online and self help but only put the smallest effort because I’m scared to address my problems. Listening to this book is making me realise that by trying to do all these things is putting to much pressure on myself when I shouldn’t give a fuck as much and I’m doing all these things because I worry and I’m unsure of my self. It’s been of constant rut all year of the fact that I’m not making my self smarter or better. By not giving a fuck and addressing what I’m actuly feeling and by do positive things that will improve my life and make me enjoy the things around me more. If realised I give a fuck people think about me and my finance status and that I do rely on people to much. I don’t put a hell of alot of effort into things and that's I'm so unorganized. I tell people my dreams of Joeys phoeys but I’m sure people I’m dreamer if never stuck with any thing and I’m just concerned about chasing money. If I wana succeed in this venture then I need to educated my self on how to do it. I feel like I’m just traveling Europe atm because I’m ment to as social has made me feel this way. There is parts of these moments I am loving and enjoying but constantly chasing the Dragon of happiness while not looking around. I know writing this is like I’m trying to act fully inlighted but at least I kinda take from listening that I am some what addressing my problems. Tegan it is what is and I’m sure I will meet another girl and that I can’t worry about something that’s out of my control. Take deep breaths and I’m feeling so these emotions just say fuk it. Read advice not self help. From this day foward e erything im going do im going think about, ie packing my clothes even writing this. If im going to do work out do it probley. Im not gking half ass things anymore if it takes more time then let it take time. Being destressed and unorganized is what is making feel so anxious. I think this what people have been trying tell me all my life.

[jblone13-blog]

Life can t get much better when you are in good company+in a place like this. Enjoy these moments be smart who you spend your time with. Instead of stressing about how much money I’m spending and my future try enjoy these moments and be in the moment. You saved up and worked hard to get here just become more aware of how you spend your money and it’s not a bad thing that you are worried about the next step as it makes you realise your fear is failure, but also don’t make it the reason not to enjoy what’s happening in front of you.

[jblone13-blog]

Life dosent all ways/never gos to plan. You can wake up one day and feel like shit confused and unsure what your next move will be. Instead of sitting around feeling restless and anxsios just get out of the house and do something/anything. Today I had this feeling but I reminded my self I have made to Crotia by doing somthing right and went for a ride to find this amazing view in Zrmanga. It’s not going be easy for me or any one in this case but by just taking small and positive steps I do think things will fall into place.

[jblone13-blog]

Sitting here in crotia near Zadar realising as hard as you can be on your self to take a step back and realise where I am and everything will be ok if made to places like this.