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[jcmurdak]

I like your article. It’s quite complete and good advice. But, how much is too many character descriptions? I find too detailed character descriptions in a mystery or a thriller break the rythm of the novel, therby reducing the reader anticipation of the action to come. What do you think?

JC Murdak

Character Development: Appearance

Your character’s appearance is pretty useful for a reader. This doesn’t just include hair and eye color, but accessories, how they view their own appearance, and body language. The character’s appearance helps your reader to not only visualize the character they’re reading about, but also to let them know something about the character. Here’s a list of the different components in a character’s appearance:

eyes (color, shape, emotion, etc.)

hair (color, style, wavy/curly/straight/etc., long/short)

skin (color, texture - like is it smooth, pockmarked, covered in spikes, etc.)

build (height, weight, muscle, type of body)

body language (how they stand/move)

clothing - normal (e.g. what they’d wear while out and about in public or in general)

clothing - dressed up (e.g. when they’re trying to be fancy)

clothing - comfortable (e.g. when they don’t care about what they look like, only comfort)

footwear/accessories (shoes, bags, hairthings, jewelry, tattoos, etc.)

how do they feel about their appearance (e.g. are they proud of it, ashamed, or just don’t care?)

how they see themselves vs how others see them (tied into the one above - like if they don’t care about their appearance and see their appearance as perfectly fine, but other people think that they don’t wear good clothes. In other words, how does your character’s appearance influence their interactions with others?)

items/things that they carry around with them or that appear with them that don’t really fit into the accessories category (e.g. Disney princesses and their animals, or the Log Lady and her log in Twin Peaks) 

Of course, not all of this information will appear in your writing (unless you’re working with visuals, like film or comics), but it’s good to keep in mind as the author.

When you do describe your character’s appearance in writing, remember:

SHOW, DON’T TELL.

I know, you’ve heard it all before, but it’s pretty important. 

For instance, if you have a tall character, instead of saying

He was tall.

say

He carried himself the way many tall people did - slightly bent down so that people could talk face-to-face with him.

or

He was always accidentally hitting his head on doorways that were too small for him, or on strings of lights at parties hung to accommodate people much shorter than him.

From these descriptions, the reader knows that not only is your character tall, but also how his height affects him and others around him - he’s courteous and tries not to loom over people, and his surroundings aren’t built with his height in mind, indicating that there aren’t many tall people where he lives.

By showing, not telling, you’ll be giving the reader more information about your character and in a way that develops character/the story.

However, there are times when you shouldn’t spend a lot of time on description. If it’s not important to your character or story, don’t feel bad if you say something very simply. And if your character isn’t the type to notice appearances that much, then it wouldn’t make sense for them to suddenly notice appearances with no explanation.

For example:

We have two characters noticing the same guy. The first character is a girl who loves art and poetry; the second character is a girl who likes math and science.

Character 1: “The stranger had deep blue eyes, like the depths of a still pond. I kept peeking at him all through second period, dying to pull my sketchbook out and start drawing.”

Character 2: “The stranger was good-looking, I guess - all the other girls were cooing over him in first period English today. I wasn’t really listening; problem number 87, part b, was a bit of a challenge.”

To the first character, description with colors and metaphors are important, and so it makes sense that she would describe the stranger this way. But to the second girl, who isn’t very poetic, it wouldn’t make sense, so all she would say is “he’s good-looking and the other girls like him,” and the reader can fill in the blanks.

In conclusion, remember:

not all of your character’s appearance is going to make it into the story

try to show, not tell

[jcmurdak]

Just look for words and expressions which don’t add to the story and/or the characters and get rid of them.

Which do you think is more important? ‘Show, don’t tell’ or Hemingway’s ‘Eliminate all unnecessary words’? Because these ‘rules’ could become contradictory? I’m trying to keep both in mind while revising but it’s hard. Something like ‘softly’ could convey meaning easily but it’s an adverb and describing a soft voice could take up more space.

Hemingway was a strict stickler, and because he got famous he felt his style of writing is the style. Unless you want to copy his exact style, follow his advice lightly as it’s still good advice but isn’t for everyone.

“Show, don’t tell” does not mean take three paragraphs to describe someone is sad or a noise is loud. “Showing” can be as concise as “telling” if you practice at it. Also, as I’ve said before, “telling” is a requirement in all writing. As long as it stays in its place and is used wisely. Same goes for “showing.”

MY general rule is, if there are ten unnecessary words in a paragraph, cut out nine, then go back and add two. I learned to cut a ton of exposition and descriptive language out of my writing. Then, I reread it and found it dry and painfully short. Going back in, I added the right words in the necessary places, and it read perfectly. “Unnecessary” words are sometimes there because you couldn’t think of or didn’t know you needed the necessary word (and yes, sometimes that word is an adverb).

Thus, eliminate the waste words first then review and revise the places that actually need “showing” while leaving the “telling” places alone.

Other asks that may also help: Writing Basic Descriptions & Dialogue Tags

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[jcmurdak]

The Bishop’s Pawn by Steve Berry

The Story of Cotton Malone first assignment as a Justice Department Operative

In this fictional thriller released in April 2018, Steve Berry stays true to his habit of building an exceptional adventure based on historical facts. This conspiracy story brings us back in time when the FBI, under the iron-hand of J. Edgar Hoover, ran a counter-intelligence program to incriminate Dr Martin Luther King and assassinate him.

As the story unfolds, we relive the difficult times of the divided American society between blacks and white and all its violence. After being hired by Stephanie Nelle from the Justice Department, Malone will thread to find and keep a rare gold coin worth millions and some incriminating secret documents from Hoover`s COINTELPRO operation.

Gradually, along the way, fighting with rogue FBI agents from the Hoover area, he will slowly discover the implication of King’s confident and of the FBI in the murder of the Bishop, Dr King’s code name.

Like in other Berry’s novels, the historical flashbacks and the revelations from the past occupy a lot of estate and can be tedious to read. These long rollbacks break the rhythm of the plot and many of them could have been shortened. However, they are more manageable than some in previous Berry’s books and they don’t distract the reading too much.

The Cotton Malone of this novel is quite different than the one in the  following missions, he  is often unsure and has a tendency to justify most of his actions.

In spite of that, The Bishop’s Pawn makes for entertaining reading while Berry offers a  complex conspiracy on the death of Dr Martin Luther King. This definitely is a book to read.

J.C. Murdak

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