jdac896

[jdac896]

refrain soap

If this were any other moment, I would not be this vulnerable on the internet. This Saturday, a short film I helped nurture, Refrain, gets released to the wider public. I’m still confused about how I got here, but humbled, guilty, terrified, and thoroughly grateful is an appropriate place to begin.

This project, Refrain, is about a pianist 20 years removed from her initial music lessons, grappling with a debt she knows she owes. Truthfully, this film is both much simpler and more complicated than what our synopsis is leading on, but that’s not for me to ultimately determine. We’re leaving that space for you (the viewer) to occupy. And as somebody who has been living in that space for a while now, I hope to see some of you here as well.

This project is far from mine alone. The mere thought of labeling this as “my project” sends a bad shiver down my spine. This movie is about debts. And that’s something that I know I would always have to a lot of people. Including myself. For a myriad of reasons. Mga utang of different shapes and sizes.

Collaboration is what makes moviemaking so special. That’s where I have found the most joy and purpose throughout this process. It’s the contributing talents from a plethora of people that make this whole thing alive and running. I am still in awe of every person who has helped in the making of this project. Not only for their talents, but most especially for their enthusiasm and attention. It’s been an absolute privilege to be beside (and learn from) each one of the uber-talented people who have worked on this project from the very beginning. Ibang klase sila. Sobrang gagaling.

I understand I'm going a bit long on my soapbox here, but I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I didn’t spotlight the following: First and foremost, si Maiqui. I can write a thousand more words on how grateful I am to her; however, that’s all weightless considering how greatly indebted I am to what she has given and sacrificed for this project. I’m still baffled and left ruminating, to this day, on what I’ve done in this life to have a person of her character, stature, and dedication to enter my orbit. I thank her greatly for giving this thing a chance, especially when she had every reason not to, but she still did. And for that, I’m eternally humbled and grateful.

They say that the best way to become a better person is to surround yourself with people who are better than you. That’s who Tyra is. Talk about talent. Talk about being meticulous. She, in all honesty, should be the one who has a film under her name premiering this weekend. Speaking of debts, the world owes Tyra her movie. And the amazing and kick-ass thing about Tyra is, she fucking knows it too. But in the meantime, I can’t thank her enough for being patient with me throughout this production. I’m better at this today than I was before because of her.

Words on a piece of paper are just words. It’s not until an actual person fills the role's shoes do they truly become a living and breathing character. It was taking us a while to find the right person for the Lisa character, and I'd begun wondering if the person we were looking for was out there. Frankly, our search was getting dimmer by the day. Pero sabi nga nila, it’s in darkness the light shines bright. The production and I can’t thank April enough for lending her talent and authenticity to this project. Attributes that wouldn’t surprise anyone who already knows her stellar work as a musician. Often, as a writer, you fear if the things from your head, now on paper, will ever translate to the people you’re working with. April just got it. She also killed it.

There have been 31 drafts of this story. The 1st one was conceptualized and written in full in a single day. That was on June 8th, 2023. I had my final conversation with a certain family member on that day. He innocuously asked me, when I was about to leave the house for a nearby coffee shop, what I was up to. I just told him that I had to work on something—a personal project of sorts. Not a single word has been shared between us since that exchange. I got home very late that night. I didn’t allow myself to leave the coffee place I was at until I had a draft written. When I did get home, he was already asleep. The early morning after, he was rushed to the nearest medical facility. Then, in a matter of hours, all of his senses became muted. He descended into an unrecoverable coma. A few days went by, and he was gone. Just like that. The last thing he knew of me was my commitment to a certain project. I have carried that responsibility since then. This Saturday, that weight gets lifted. 

In this medium, the only real objective is to communicate as precise of a feeling that you have to people of varying backgrounds and sensibilities, with the foolish hope that they would all understand equally and openly. I hope you can get something new or familiar from what we made. Thank you for reading.