jeffmadsburr-blog

[jeffmadsburr-blog]

commission for @jeffmadsrqandrp

[jeffmadsburr-blog]

Here's another thing

There’s some internalized homophobia yo

Burr had always sort of admired Jefferson. He was four when his parents died and he moved in with his grandfather. That’s when he met Jefferson. Burr transferred into Thomas’ class halfway through kindergarten.

He remembers being stricken with how confident and collected he’d been. It was striking for a little boy who had just lost everything that someone could seem so utterly content with nothing but themself.

Thomas was always the first one to answer questions, talk during show and tell. He was the line leader and the cubby monitor, always in charge. Always doing something.

Even when he screwed up, he just brushed it off with grace. He was always pushing himself. Nobody could seem to keep up.

Well, almost. His best friend was James Madison, a smaller than average, sickly boy. He took Thomas’ fervent energy with stride, though he was far from outgoing himself.

He was always with Thomas, infrequently speaking up to support, or sometimes correct the taller boy. James was often found defusing playground arguments between other children and Thomas. They were inseparable.

Though he didn’t speak much, Aaron knew Madison was just as intelligent as his best friend, perhaps more. He would hear the teachers compliment Madison on his writing when they returned assignments. Aaron was envious of him. Burr knew all the words, he just struggled with putting them together properly.

Burr didn’t usually go outside for recess, but one day their usual teacher was absent and the substitute forced him outside. He stood and watched Thomas and Madison dominate foursquare. Thomas was the undisputed champion. Aaron watched kid after kid challenge the kings of the square and fail.

After a while it was obvious to Burr that Madison was a much better player than Jefferson. If Thomas did manage to get taken out, Madison was quick to move him back through the ranks and then quietly relinquish his square.

Bored and cocky as he was, Thomas demanded Burr join the game

“Is there none left to challenge me? Am I doomed to reign forever above unworthy subjects? I am appointed.”

“Disappointed Thomas.”

“Yeah yeah Jemmy. Okay. Hey! You! A-aron.”

“It’s just Aaron, actually.”

“Sure. You haven’t played. Come try and beat me!”

“No thank you.”

“Come on. Don’t be such a stick in the mud”

“You know he won’t stop until you do”

“….Only for one round”

“Sweet! Get in the peasant square.”

“That’s the jack”

“I know Jemmy. It’s called drama.”

Reluctantly, Aaron positions himself in the square, but rather than immediately trying to knock out Thomas, he goes for James. Burr could see the shock on Madison’s face as the ball bounced in and out of his square without even the slightest attempt at stopping it.

Two serves later and he managed to dethrone Thomas as well. Aaron stood alone as the hero of the playground. Through the havoc of screaming and cheering children, he watches Madison trail Thomas over to the far side of the playground.

Aaron slipped out in the midst of the commotion to follow the duo. He found them sitting under a tree together, their hands clasped together so tightly that the tips of Madison’s fingers are white with pressure.

“Are you okay Tom?”

“Of course. It’s just some stupid game. It was just dumb luck is all.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Why don’t you hold my hand anymore, Jemmy?”

“I’m holding it right now.”

“You know what I mean.”

“……Big kids don’t hold hands, Tom.”

“That’s dumb”

Madison didn’t respond, they spent the rest of recess sitting quietly. When bell rang, Aaron scrambled to hide the fact that he’d been spying. Thomas saw him and scoffed.

“Beginner’s Luck gone already?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“See, Jemmy. I told you.”

He stood dumbly and watched as they made their way back to the school. He couldn’t help but notice how as they walked and talked that Thomas’ hand was pulled tight into a fist by his side, or how James’ curled against his chest as if protecting something.

The rest of the year passed rather uneventfully. Thomas might have picked more fights or been a little snappier, but if someone noticed, they didn’t mention it.

Aaron spent the rest of elementary school in different classes than the two. Largely, he forgot about them. He stood with them in front of their small student body when the three of them are awarded honor roll each year, and Thomas and Aaron perfect attendance.

He’s in middle school when they meet again. It’s the first day of gym class in the seventh grade, and the teachers decided to break the ice with a game of dodgeball. Aaron had opted to sit out and read, but he’s interrupted suddenly by the sound of kids jeering.

“Look at the queers”

“What a couple of faggots”

“James and Thomas sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g”

“Hey, shut up. Leave Jemmy alone.”

“What are you gonna do, queer?”

“My dad says people like you burn in hell.”

“Tell your dad that I sai—”

“Thomas, please. Just leave it alone.”

“Thomas pleeeeeaaaaase~ They were right, you are a pansy.”

“Hey. Don’t talk to him like that.”

“Why? He’s obviously ashamed of you.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

“Ooooooh~ The queer is mad.”

“C'mon, Thomas let ju—”

“Stuff it you pansy.”

The world slowed down as Aaron watched the ball makes contact with James’ face. The gym was suddenly silent as the ball bounced to the floor. Madison’s face screwed up in pain and confusion. There’s blood running from his nose.

Thomas seemed to realize what happened before James did, and he’s already started after the kid as James tries to blink himself out of shock. Jefferson snatched the boy up by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the gym wall.

“You’re fucking dead.”

Aaron doesn’t know how it happened, but suddenly he’s there too, grabbing at Thomas, attempting to talking him down as another kid runs for a teacher.

He manages to pull Thomas away, with surprising difficulty considering the other boy’s slender build. He drops the kid on his ass and rushes over to James again. The gym teacher comes over and asks Burr what happened.

“He attacked James. Thomas was just protecting his friend.”

“His boyfriend you mean. Thomas is a fucking faggot Mr. Seabury”

“Hm. Well, Mr. Lee, if you’re alright I suggest you go join the others. Burr, I’m going to walk those two to the office”

“I’ll do it sir! I’m the nurse’s assistant, and Thomas will go more quietly if I do.”

“Alright then. Get to it, Burr”

Burr walks past the two boys who are murmuring softly to each other and motions for them to follow. The walk down the hall is awkward and quiet. On his right James is holding Thomas’ handkerchief to his nose to stop the bleeding, and on his left Thomas is managing to look both pissed and rebuked.

Instead of walking them to the office, Burr brings them to the nurse’s room. He tells them to stay put while he gets some ice.

Aaron takes his time because he can tell they need some time to talk. He doesn’t know what he expected to find when he came back. Thomas yelling, perhaps the two of them making out on the cot. He wasn’t expecting Jame’s voice, louder and more forceful than he’d ever heard it.

“Just because Thomas. Okay?”

“No. Not okay. What did I do? Tell me how I can fix it.”

“You can’t Thomas. You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t! Help me understand, Jemmy.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Aaron could almost hear Thomas’ heart break through the door.

“Je—James, please.”

“Leave me alone, Thomas. I don’t want to speak to you anymore.”

Aaron waited a couple moments before he walked in. He gave Madison the bag of ice, but suddenly he feels a little better about it being him that got decked.

Madison murmurs a quiet thanks and Aaron turns to Thomas. He’s sitting with his head down turned, hair hiding his face.

“Alright, come on short fuse. I’ll get the office to write you a note to get out of gym for the day.”

He swallows thickly. “Thanks.”

They walk in uneasy silence as Burr tries to pretend he can’t see the tear streaks on the other boy’s face. Then, for the second time that day, he’s grabbing Thomas and hauling him off.

Thomas weakly protests as he’s dragged into the handicapped bathroom and as Burr flicks the lock, he begins to panic.

“What? Was watching me embarrass myself in gym not enough? Wanted to watch me cry? Give me a swirly yourself?”

“We both know you’re just upset. Did Madison just dump you?”

“It’s hard to dump someone you’re not dating. Madison is as straight as they come, okay?”

“I’ve never seen him so much as look at a girl before Thomas.”

“Yeah, well, what do you know?”

“Nothing really. Do you want to hear a secret?”

“No.”

“Too bad. Hush and listen up. I think you’re great”

“Burr are you hitting on me?”

“I told you to shut up. I mean you’re great. I can’t come out to my sister, let alone the whole school. Maybe James is straight—”

“He is”

“Or maybe he’s just scared. Just give him some space, okay? It’s probably not even about you. He just needs to get some things sorted.”

Burr was irredeemably incorrect. Jame was, to his surprise, removed from every class he shared with Thomas.

To his even greater surprise, Thomas seemed completely unaffected by this turn of events.

If anything, his mood seemed to improve. He was just as loud and sociable as he had been before.

Madison was eerily quiet without Jefferson’s energy and presence. He looked like a ghost drifting aimlessly down the halls. Then Thomas started dating.

Jefferson was relentless in his pursuit. He dated and flirted with anyone who looked in his direction. Boy girl, younger, older, it didn’t matter.

James stopped coming to school. There was never a week where he made it to every class, and whenever asked he simply offered up that he was sickly.

He was out the entire week leading up to Valentine’s Day, but that morning Burr saw him standing in front of Jefferson’s locker, clutching a purple piece of paper. It made Aaron irrationally angry.

“Skipping class again?”

“Jesus fuck, Burr. You gave me a heart attack”

“I’m the hall monitor, I’m pretty sure that’s my job”

“Yeah, we’ll go monitor another hall.”

“Are you actually giving him a Valentine?”

“What?”

Aaron quirked an eyebrow and looks pointedly at the letter crumpled in his grasp.

Madison squares his shoulders, defensive posture if Aaron’s ever seen it. “It’s not mine”

“So you’re delivering someone else’s valentine for Thomas?”

“No. Well, maybe it’s mine, but it’s not from me. It’s to me.” The anger in Burr’s gut is began to roil into rage.

“You’re returning Jefferson’s valentine to you, then?” Who the fuck did Madison think he was? Didn’t he know how fucked up Thomas was about being abandoned by his best friend?

[jeffmadsburr-blog]

the only thing I ever need in life is any poly relationship w burr because he's just?? Burr

he’s just burr

[jeffmadsburr-blog]

let! burr! in!

the thrilling conclusion

[jeffmadsburr-blog]

Burrs too far away pull him in closer

okay

[jeffmadsburr-blog]

A thing I guess.

I just spent an hour laying in my driveway thinking about jeffmadsburr where they all lived together and played music together. Burr was on piano, Madison was cello, and Thomas was violin. When Burr died they both stopped playing. Madison came home one day and heard piano music and he was so hopeful. He walked in and saw Thomas sitting at Aaron's piano. He's heartbroken. Then he's *angry*. That's Aaron's spot. Thomas *knows* that. He's suddenly yelling and yanking Thomas away by his shirt. He knows he's only upset because he misses Aaron and it *hurts*. Thomas and James don't talk for the next couple of days. James sleeps in an arm chair in Aaron's old office. Later he finds himself standing by Aaron's piano. He runs his hand over the lid. It's far dustier than Aaron would have approved of. He tears up. It was a gift from him and Thomas on their three year anniversary. Thomas finds him there, just stroking his hand over the top. "Hey there." Madison whips his head around. Thomas walks over and places a gentle hand on his shoulder. Madison tries to fight the tears welling up in his eyes, but he can't. He buries his face in Thomas' chest and just *wails*