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[jeggsistence]

Emi Jones x Ryan Drummond Update:

Hey baby girl how you been bludder.

So right after the original post about this stuff was made, Emi Jones decided to come out of the woodwork with a brief response. Not only did she increase the amount of work I have to put into this trash topic, but she also made the whole thing less funny.

If you’re wondering why I AM FORCED TO WRITE THIS TRASH AND NOT THE OTHER GUY. Well uh he’s uhh…

…going through some stuff.

Anyway, Emi Jones posted this on Twitter:

Ignoring the fact that she BRAGS about being able to have SEX, something that millions upon millions are deprived off, she RUINS THE MANY MEMES I CURATED AND COMPILED OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BY CLARIFYING, “NO I DID NOT MAKE HIM PLAY THE SONIC VOICE DURING THE ACT”!

Impeccably unjust of her to type this, but besides that, there isn’t really much to talk about.

Oh yeah, apparently she has bigger problems if I’m led to believe this image I found in a crack alley:

As well as not paying voice actor Mike Pollock on Sonic and Tails R:

I don’t care blud, just look at this cat and leave me alone unless you wanna pay me 3 morbillion Riyal.

[jeggsistence]

Emi Jones x Ryan Drummond

When the internet simply cares too much..

Zamn, only one post in and shit’s already devolved into a generic article churning out stupid news about celebrities that never had relevance. I'on even care.

Imagine that you’re like me, ‘doomscrolling’ on twitter like every reasonable Zoomer (slang for Gen Z). Terrifying thought, but you’re also mildly interested in Sonic the Hedgehog. As you’re scrolling through, trying to find something to waste your anger on, you encounter this image:

A meme, they call it. It may be passed off as random flubber, but it’s a sign that your Twitter feed will become unbearable for about a week.

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So, who is Emi Jones?

Basically, Emi Jones is a semi-popular voice actress in the Sonic community, mostly known for her audio series, “Sonic and Tails R”, conveniently starring a Ryan Drummond.

Who is Ryan Drummond?

He used to be the voice actor for Sonic during the “Adventure era” of Sonic, which is around 1998-2004. He’s important to the… story.

What happened?

Zamn they need to fucking paywall you from asking rhetorical questions—

Basically, Emi Jones had a private Twitter account, which gave away the fact that she and Ryan were having a private relationship.

(Editor’s note: A bunch of private Twitter accounts)

This came out just 3 days ago, which means it’s already dead news, BUT LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT.

(Editor’s note: Apparently, information on this relationship came out in 2020, and actual evidence surfaced recently.)

I’on even know why I’m saying it like this. I’m too broke for an editor-

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Anyway, this could be considered an example of a celebrity controversy. However, this is the most milquetoast controversy I’ve personally witnessed.

Nothing actually problematic surfaced, such as Justin Roiland being sued for domestic abuse, or most fittingly, Hunnid P, rapper known for the Knuckles tracks in SA2, attempting to extort Emi for money she didn’t have.

It can be boiled down into people complaining about two consenting adults having sex, or people complaining about people complaining about two consenting adults having sex.

Technically speaking, I’m adding fuel to the fire too, except the fuel is already burnt coal and I’m somehow expecting it to undergo nuclear fusion even though that’s not how it works; and the fire is like a candle’s flame.

Poetic. But basically, terminally online people (like me) should find better ways to waste their time. However, at the end of the day, iss funy doe.

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Aight fuck this shit. It’s fucking boring, so I’m gonna list a Top 5 FUNNIEST EL MEHME from that spawned from this. Unlike how my father de-spawned from my household-

NUMBER 5:

This tweet was posted by the woman herself and ZAMN! It definitely gave a TERRIFYING foreshadowing to what would come out in approximately 2 months and 13 days.

However, I must give it a 6.5/10 because I don’t like Sonic Heroes (2003).

NUMBER 4:

This screenshot is of a Youtube video and Got damh there is so much to analyze. Sonic is characterized to be shrugging as his Sonic Adventure 1 (1998) model, representing Ryan Drummond and how he simply could not resist getting into trouble like the rebel he is!!

The second aspect you would notice is the woman on the right drawn to look somewhat seductive (oooh). However, you’ll be bamboozled to find out that that woman has the manliest voice on the planet. I’m talking full on Dwayne the rock, Tyler, the creator type bass. It’s like if a man and a woman had a child!

The “RANK A” is simply the cherry on top of such a delightful meme!

This would be a 10/10 image, however points must be taken off for informalities as some parts of the image are written in It*lian, so it’s a 6.7/12.

NUMBER 3:

HAHAHHAHA LOOK AT THIS IDIOT! THIS FUCKING DUMBASS WAS TRYING TO CORRECT SOMEONE ON WHETHER RYAN CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH EMI, BY CLAIMING THEY WERE DIVORCED IN 2019, BEFORE THE NEWS CAME. BUT TURNS OUT THIS AFFAIR WAS FROM 2015 AND THIS IDIOT WAS SHOT DOWN WITH AN UNRECOVERABLE BLOW!!!

Overall, 7.4/10, it has a little something for everyone.

NUMBER 2:

This one is exceptionally dank!! It uses a snippet from the theme song of Sonic Adventure 2: Live and Learn, but the caption has changed the entire context of the lyric, making it sound sexual, as well as a joke making fun of Emi’s skill in bed!!

8/10.

NUMBER 1:

This cannot continue. The pain is immense

WELL THAT’S ALL FOR TODAY, LIKE AND HIT THAT FOLLOW BUTTON SO YOU CAN IGNORE YOUR TAX EMAILS FOR A CUTIE LIKE ME!

Follow. Now.

[jeggsistence]

Making of Scans and Ian

First time huh, kinda traumatic

I might as well talk about my latest story, Scans and Ian and how hard it is to write a story

Subscribed

To summarize, Scans and Ian is about some dude living on his own in a cave during a dystopian future. Instead of being about an "odd-one-out" character that fate chose to save the world in an epic 240 chapter novel, it's about some anti-social dude that lives in a cave; fixed his phone himself and now has to go through a futuristic city to scan it for verification.

It's meant to be a subversion where the main character is not the hero or villain of a story; but some ordinary guy that doesn't care for the fact that his world is essentially teetering to a fall and just wants to mind his own business. Unfortunately, the plot doesn't allow that and he suffers through constant setbacks with people that, for some reason, see more in him than there actually is there.

Sounds like a nice concept, might even be funny, and both of those assumptions are indeed true!

~~BUT IT WAS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE TO WRITE~~

This was my first time writing, and, it's not like I couldn't figure out the plot. Thinking of how it would generally go was the easiest part. The beginning, middle and end were roughly in my head. The issue stemmed with actually filling the gaps with detail. 

The development of this nauseating narrative started at around September of 2022, and (technically) ended last month. I say technically because I first uploaded it on Wattpad in January, then here because I wasn't getting enough views, and then updated it like right now to be a bit more organized. 

What was so difficult about this narrative? It was my first published piece so maybe that had something to do with it? 

Well, not really. I've been writing since I was like 8, I just kept that to myself and whatever. If we're talking expansive stories, I technically have a whole anthology of stories memorized in my head since I was 12 that I never bothered writing until now. I'd say I'm adequately experienced enough to know the basics of writing a story.

Was it because of school life? I mean, I am just a teen.

No, in fact I wrote the most in school than anywhere else. Besides that, I don't really take school as a priority since (pardon my VERY humble brag) I was always a decent student without really needing to work that hard for it.

Nah, the biggest reason was a disease that has engulfed many writers, both young and old. That disease is: ~~WRITER'S BLOCK~~

We all know what that is. It's a horrible condition that comes out nowhere and only gets cured by the stupidest solutions known to humanity. For example, an important plot point, THAT YOU KNOW HOW IT WILL GO DOWN, cannot be written for weeks, even months or years. Stories are like boats, it will completely sink to the bottom if you find a tiny hole in the plot, and you'll be stuck figuring out, editing, reworking, rewriting a piece only to realize that either nobody else will notice the plothole, or the solution was a 2 minute job of thinking in bed.

On the other hand, motivation will come by simply because you redesigned the kitchen in which a 6 line banter may have taken place, which wasn't even important to the overall plot. You can never tell when writer's block will hit you, and why it's hitting you at your breakthrough moment to make a piece of art.

My problem was what I wrote the story on before. A computer, which is odd to say, in retrospect, since it's the easiest medium to write with.

My issue with computers is that I get distracted way too easily, and the computer's ability to multi-task takes the best of me. I'd be expecting to get a chapter done by the day, but then I'll distract myself with videos I rarely watch, music I barely listen to, and games I never play. It's the worst enemy to my low attention span.

What was my solution?

Writing on my phone. It's less distracting, and you could even lie in bed all cosy while tapping at the screen to make your next thriller. What took me months to write one chapter, suddenly boiled down to a week as I quickly finished the first draft, edited it on computer and then posted to Wattpad.

I'd say with my first piece published, it's a lot easier to get into the work loop. I have so many ideas on my list and I hope y'all stick around as I realize each idea!

[jeggsistence]

Ice

Ice, ice may be nice

Spliced, diced, in everything, but rice

But not many had ice, some had spice

So they went, off to those without such a cool treat

Interposed themselves to crows, who they supposed as incomplete

Treated them with so much ice and snow,

There were never denies and none could say no

But ice had a price

Not in sight of any eyes, but a price soon apparent

The icemaking company's parent said Land for ice, ice for land, ice for people, people for ice

That's our plans for life,

servitude for your delight

And what a delight, absolutely benign

And what was to lose? Besides some loot

While the icemakers used it to mute, and to shoot

But only in hunt, no need to worry over something so moot

To worry is to be irrational

Why worry over something so nutritional?

Will we lose something during transaction

Or will we sorrily lose from inaction?

Ice really was only good sliced and diced, not in rice

Popularity would rise as fast as time

It was everywhere, in every man's lair

Stuck in every woman's hair

Now, no one cares where Ice is left to melt

As Ice melts away, all is left a cold world in its stead

Everyone's left in dread, some can't even buy bread

Those who got theirs laugh while nearing their deaths

While their admirers are left misled to theft

Those trying to make the world warmer are the ones left burnt

What melted has also long dispersed

Nothing left to even satiate some of the many thirsts

And no sum can ever reimburse

Those who defy the Ice are themselves defiled

Sliced and diced, left to bleed

A statement for others to read

While statesmen shrug it off and move on to their 'needs'

Suffice to say, Ice is now a vice

but Ice could've been something nice