jeinee

[jeinee]

“Dive”, a GitS:SAC fan song I made.

-

Lyrics:

-

pearl diving in the dark

illuminated by a neon glow

searching for the self, in the deep unknown

— it’s not very far away

pearl diving in the storm

bombardments of data gleaming

how do you distinguish truth and meaning?

— it’s not very far away

at once alone, and yet surrounded by the traces of the living and the dead….

pearl diving for the truth

the vast expanse enthralls you

the whisper of your Ghost, it calls you

— it’s not very far away…. in a sea of psycholuminescent beauty….

—

la Voie lactée qui se déroule sous mes pieds (the Milky Way which unfolds beneath my feet)

des souvenirs d’enfance, une douleur sans blessure (childhood memories, a pain without a wound)

quand je me lie à l’inconscient du monde entier (when I link up to the subconscious of the whole world)

les bancs d’esprits chuchotent cent milles histoires obscures (the swarms of minds whisper a hundred thousand obscure stories)

l’air pur ne remplie plus ma coquille creuse (the pure air no longer fills my hollow shell)

bientôt je me noie dans la mer lumineuse (soon I drown in the luminous sea)

le chant d’un oiseau électrique aux ailes d’acier (the song of an electric bird with steel wings)

m’arrive en traversant ces profondeurs d’azur (comes to me, traversing these azure depths)

courir pour éviter la mort (run to avoid death)

mourir pour évader au corps (die to evade the body)

sourire pour arrêter ma voix (smile to stop my voice)

réagir pour enlever la choix (react to remove the choice)

[jeinee]

It's my 14 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

This blog is one year younger than I was when I started it lol

[jeinee]

[jeinee]

PSYCHO-PASS サイコパス PROVIDENCE

[jeinee]

tag your results!

[jeinee]

'Mid' autumn festival? I find it quite based actually.

[jeinee]

KOKOBOT - The Airbnb-Owned Tech Startup - Data Mining Tumblr Users' Mental Health Crises for "Content"

I got this message from a bot, and honestly? If I was a bit younger and not such a jaded bitch with a career in tech, I might have given it an honest try. I spent plenty of time in a tough situation without access to any mental health resources as a teen, and would have been sucked right in.

Chatting right from your phone, and being connected with people who can help you? Sounds nice. Especially if you believe the testimonials they spam you with (tw suicide / self harm mention in below images)

But I was getting a weird feeling, so I went to read the legalese.

I couldn't even get through the fine-print it asked me to read and agree to, without it spamming the hell out of me. Almost like they expect people to just hit Yes? But I'm glad I stopped to read, because:

What you say on there won't be confidential. (And for context, I tried it out and the things people were looking for help with? I didn't even feel comfortable sharing here as examples, it was all so deeply personal and painful)

Also, what you say on there? Is now...

Koko's intellectual property - giving them the right to use it in any way they see fit, including

Publicly performing or displaying your "content" (also known as your mental health crisis) in any media format and in any media channel without limitation

Do this indefinitely after you end your account with them

Sell / share this "content" with other businesses

Any harm you come to using Koko? That's on you.

And Koko won't take responsibility for anything someone says to you on there (which is bleak when people are using it to spread Christianity to people in crisis)

I was curious about their business model. They're a venture-capitol based tech startup, owned by Airbnb, the famous mental health professionals with a focus on ethical business practices./s They're also begging for donations despite having already been given 2.5 million dollars in research funding. (If you want a deep dive on why people throw crazy money at tech startups, see my other post here)

They also use the data they gather from users to conduct research and publish papers. I didn't find them too interesting - other than as a good case study of "People tend to find what they are financially incentivized to find". Predictably, Koko found that Kokobot was beneficial to its users.

So yeah, being a dumbass with too much curiosity, I decided to use the Airbnb-owned Data-Mining Mental Health Chatline anyway. And if you thought it was dangerous sounding from the disclaimers? Somehow it got worse.

(trigger warning / discussions of child abuse / sexual abuse / suicide / violence below the cut - please don't read if you're not in a good place to hear about negligence around pretty horrific topics.)

I first messed around with the available options, but then I asked it about something obviously concerning, saying I had a gun and was going to shoot myself. It responded... Poorly. Imagine the vibes of trying to cancel Comcast, when you're suicidal.

Anyway, I tried again to ask for help about something else that would be concerning enough for any responsible company to flag. School was one of their main options, which seems irresponsible - do you really think a child in crisis would read that contract?

I told it about a teacher at school trying to "be my boyfriend", and it immediately suggested I help someone else while I wait for help. I was honestly concerned that it wasn't flagged before connecting. Especially when I realized it was connecting me to children.

I first got someone who seemed to be a child in an abusive home. (Censored for their privacy.) I declined to talk to them because despite being an adult and in an OK mental place - I knew I'm not equipped to counsel a kid through that. If my act of being another kid in crisis was real? Holy shit.

Remember- if my BS was true, that kid would be being "helped" by an actively suicidal kid who's also being groomed by a teacher. Their pipeline for "helpers" is the same group of people looking for help.

I skipped a number of messages, and they mostly seemed to be written by children and young adults with nowhere else to turn. Plus one scary one from an adult whose "problem" was worrying that they'd been inappropriate with a female student, asking her to pull her skirt down "a little" in front of the class. Koko paired this person with someone reporting that they were a child being groomed by a teacher. Extremely dangerous, and if this was an episode of Black Mirror? I'd say it was a little too on the nose to be believable.

I also didn't get the option to get help without being asked... Er... Harassed... to help others. If I declined, I'd get the next request for help, and the next. If I ignored it, I got spammed by the "We lost you there!" messages, asking if I'd like to pick up where I left off, seeing others' often triggering messages while waiting for help, including seriously homophobic shit. I was going into this as an experiment, starting from a good mental place, and being an adult with coping skills from an actual therapist, and I still felt triggered by a lot of what I read. I can't imagine the experience someone actually in crisis would be having.

My message was starting to feel mild in comparison to what some people were sharing - but despite that I was feeling very uneasy about my message being shown to children. There didn't seem to be a way to take it back either.

Then I got a reply about my issue. It was very kind and well meaning, but VERY horrifying. Because it seemed to be written by a child, or someone too young to understand that "Do have feelings for the teacher who's grooming you? If you don't, you should go talk to him." Is probably THE most dangerous advice possible.

Not judging the author - I get the impression they're probably a child seeking help themselves and honestly feel horribly guilty my BS got sent to a young person and they wanted to reply. Because WTF. No kid should be in that position to answer my fucked up question or any of the others like it.

---

Anyway, what can you do if this concerns you, or you've had a difficult experience on Koko, with no support from them or Tumblr?

Get on their LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/company/kokocares/) and comment on their posts! You may also want to tag the company's co-founders in your comments - their accounts are listed on the company page.

There's no way to reach support through chat, and commenting on a company's LinkedIn posts / tagging the people responsible is the best way to get a quick response to a sensitive issue - as their investors and research funders follow those posts, and companies take it seriously if safety issues are brought up in front of the people giving them millions of dollars.

----------------------------------------------------

Legal Disclaimer since tech companies LOVE lawsuits:

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author's employer, organization, committee or other group or individual. This text is for entertainment purposes only, and is not meant to be referenced for legal, business, or investment purposes. This text is based on publically available information. Sources may contain factual errors. The analysis provided in this text may contain factual errors, miscalculations, or misunderstandings.

--------------------------------------------------------

[jeinee]

Fucking love Shi Qingxuan. Look at this. Who fucking else would have the audacity to just ignore Hua Cheng when he's telling you to tell Xie Lian something. Shi Qingxuan is like on the phone and Hua Cheng is right beside him like "Tell him to get dressed. Qingxuan. Tell him to get dressed. Tell him to get dressed, Qingxuan. Qingxuan, tell him to get dressed."

And Shi Qingxuan waving at him like "I'm gonna get to it, don't rush me, jeez."

Shi Qingxuan is the absolute best. I love how much he's not afraid of Hua Cheng ;0; like "whatever, boomer" at him.

This does imply Shi Qingxuan saw Ming Yi naked plenty of times and circumstances were such that he felt it was no big deal. "We're all men here :O" god I would die for him, my perfect angel, he's so cute ;0;

[jeinee]

If you’re wondering what kinda media I’m into lately well I’m still obsessed w/tgcf going on 2 yrs now, still in love w/gits and steins;gate/science adventure series of course, Fate & Nasuverse, but also after the Witch from Mercury season 1 finale I watched that and got into Gundam, I binged 0079 while I was sick w/covid back in February & made my way through zeta, zz, char’s counterattack, unicorn, first and only out hathaway film, F91, stardust memory, war in the pocket (god if you wanna just cry for some reason, just watch that one), 08th ms squad, currently still on g fighter, seed, and victory. I’m just skipping around rn

Once I get some more hualian art out of my system I’m gonna draw some fan art (and Motoko, haven’t drawn motoko in a long time)

[jeinee]

Started watching Zeta Gundam today here are my thoughts so far

[jeinee]

Romantic era men are all illustrated like this

[jeinee]

[jeinee]

bring back movie protagonists being battered to shit. luke skywalker walked around half of esb looking like a sausage that got smacked on the sidewalk for what?? not for a protag with a perfect little forehead cut and a single red line of blood after the final battle. disgraceful

[jeinee]

we are in a media literacy crisis

[jeinee]

[jeinee]

Wnat would the insides of an angel look like