jelvb

[jelvb]

Ngayon lang ako nabakante pagdating sa love life ko nang ganito katagal at in fairness ha I’m genuinely having a great time with myself 🥺❣️

[jelvb]

Putang ina tapos na ang first sem ko ever sa UP at proud ako sa sarili ko kasi nakasurvive ako!!! 😭

[jelvb]

Yoko na magalter walang nagbibigay validation sa noods ko mamaaaaa sksksks charot

[jelvb]

Hi. I’ve been wondering the past few days how you are doing. I wonder if you’re getting better at beating the shit out of cancer’s ass. I wonder if you still watch documentary films about poverty and other social issues. I wonder if you have a new hobby. I wonder if you wonder about me too. I wonder if you’ve associated sad and heartbreak songs with me. I wonder if you already have met someone new whom you talk to every day. I wonder if you have already replaced me, or if you intend to do so. But then, it doesn’t really matter anymore. What matters is that you’re happy. What matters is that you’re at peace. As for me, I’m not really doing well without you. I’ve been feeling empty since you left and it’s only actually now that I’ve managed to recognize that and admit it to myself. I’ve always tried my best to look strong, to keep away my feeling of wanting you back, to dispel any longing for you. I’ve done things to distract myself from your absence, if you’re wondering. I watch documentary films about astronomy, as well as other fields that pique my curiosity. I go out with my friends and family whenever there’s a chance. I play League... and I talk to a bunch of guys, with hopes of finding someone who can make me feel the same light, sparkly, peaceful feeling I got from you. Unfortunately, all my attempts were a failure. You’re still my home… and I feel homesick. I wonder if you feel the same way. I wonder if you write for or about me too. I wonder if you regret leaving me. I wonder if the reasons you told me why you were leaving me real, or they were all just your excuses for wanting to leave because you felt tired or unsatisfied of me. Somehow, there’s still this small flicker of hope inside me that you’ll stay true to what you told me during your attempts of breaking up with me because of your illness. But I don’t want to keep that hope aflame. After all, maybe you left because you don’t want me anymore and it had nothing to do with your illness. Sometimes, whenever I remember how much effort I put into our relationship to make you happy and how much I opened my heart for you to enter and let my walls down for you so that you see into my soul, and I see how we ended up on bad terms, I feel angry. I feel betrayed. I feel heavyhearted. It sucks, you know, to do your best to make someone stay, to keep begging them to give it another try, only to find out in the end that none of your efforts was enough. I want to get angry at you for it. But I’m trying to make peace with the thought that I should love not for it to be reciprocated, but because I enjoy it and it makes me happy. I’m trying to make peace with the thought that you made my life bearable and exciting once and you deserve peace for it. I’ll always carry with me the fragments of your soul that you showed me. It was a privilege to have known someone like you. I hope you know that I’ve forgiven you for lying to me about some things about who you are. I hope you don’t let it define you. I hope we’ll still let each other become a part of our lives when we’ve completely healed. I hope you’ll give me the freedom to reach out to you. I wish you the best.

[jelvb]

[jelvb]

[jelvb]

“There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.”

— Emery Allen (via deceptivelips)

[jelvb]

I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

[jelvb]

I passed UPCAT!!! Thank you Lord 🙏

[jelvb]

Henlo graduate na ko ng senior high hehe grad pic ko nga pala hehe share ko lang naman

Sabi ng kuya ko mukha raw edited yung background pero oo nga no huhu di bale kyut naman ako slight charot ok sige bye

[jelvb]

if I had to pin point my biggest flaw, it would probably be me

[jelvb]

[jelvb]

Hello. Today is a very very very sad day for me. My boyfriend was diagnosed with colon cancer.

[jelvb]

I learned that people make mistakes, and you have to decide if their mistakes are bigger than your love for them.

[jelvb]

Putang ina niyong mga cheater.

[jelvb]

Tangina talo na naman tayo pano ba yan??? How many more times does my heart need to be broken pa ba im so sick of this i thought i finally found someone who would fucking treat me right after my heart and trust were broken by the person i used to love. during those moments, i thought i wouldnt be able to love someone again because i could never go through that pain for the second time anymore but this person came. he taught me to never shut the doors of my heart completely to anyone and to still let people come in. he reminded me of how beautiful it is to love someone and how wonderful it felt. boi can you imagine how much courage (or baka stupidity) it took me to finally be able to entrust my heart with someone again and can you imagine how fucking painful it is only to have it broken by that person? puta i cant... im so drained. whatever. there are things that are out of my control and life must go on. fuck him. im not crying for him right now puta may graduation pictorial ako mamaya.