Morning coffee icon Arthur Williams announces his departure from Northcott Breakfast union amid growing tension between local breakfast and lunch groups. Hillsbury ambassador of breakfast Rodney Bravo has offered a statement: “We wholeheartedly respect Mr. Williams’ decision to depart from the union, as café patrons in the area have grown increasingly hostile towards breakfast-related affairs. Despite our diplomatic efforts to unite both factions, Lunch fanatics are persistent in their efforts to remove breakfast from the day for good.”
Local breakfast advocate Norm Wheatley told Hillsbury News this morning: “It’s a disgrace really, people thinking they can stop me from eating breakfast. It’s not like I even eat breakfast every day, but on a weekend or a day where I’ve got a bit of spare time in the morning to fuel myself up for a big DIY project, I like to approach the day full of continental breakfast. I adamantly defend the right to do so, and will gladly eat breakfast illegally if need be, seeing as how these militant Lunch puritans are hell bent on infiltrating every aspect of local policy.” Currently negotiations are being made between Hillsbury Council and the respective Breakfast and Lunch committees to resolve this bizarre dispute.
Very few electronic controllers have remained as mysterious yet prominent as Doctor Party, a mechanical entity that runs amok on local power stations to fuel his distinctive style of hardcore. With no access to onboard effects, Party eschews excessive use of distortion, instead modulating local FM radio waves to create snarling metallic tones and ruthlessly industrial beats.
While his presence among human civilisation remains controversial due the excessive illegal use of electricity and mild hearing loss in nearby residents, his self-proclaimed “style from the dark side [which] is the craziest” has proven influential to producers both local and international, with Hillsbury Hardstyle founder DJ Tranzgressor citing him as a primary influence.
“You are that Doctor Party, whose modulated sines and toks resonate through all the lands, a frequency spectrum running full? You are the light and glory of all producers. May this serve me: my ceaseless care, the love so great, that’s made me search your albums, EPs and singles through! You are my production mentor. You, my lord and law. From you alone I took the harder styles of dance music, which have since brought me so much honour.” -DJ Tranzgressor, Producer Spotlight, The Hillsbury Bulletin (12/08/22)
Other endorsers of Party include Noisecontrollers, Rotterdam Terror Corps, Meccano Twins, Paul Elstak, Ruffneck & Enzyme X, Hellsystem, Headhunterz, Wildstylez & DJ Dione.
Jedermann is someone anyone can relate to. He can be crafted out of any number of interlocking shapes and is born to design and build.
Taking on the colourful, geometric aesthetic of the Bauhaus, Jedermann’s form is inspired by its creations such as Oskar Schlemmer’s Triadic Ballet and Alma Siedhoff-Buscher’s ship building game.
Hopefully we’ll see Jedermann take on many different forms in the near future.
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