jenseit

[jenseit]

soooooo desperate for a Dire change lately, and not in the anxious, yearning kind of way that ive felt in the past but specifically with this anticipatory and impatient feeling, like my body knows that something major is going to happen even though I haven't figured out what it is yes

[jenseit]

[jenseit]

also.i read virginia woolfe's essay on being ill today and she gets it, as a person who is kind of always convalescent.

I really enjoyed her perspective bc a long time ago I read (the first few sections of) nietzsche's ecce homo and he said something about his father being sickly and that he 'reminded one of life' rather than seeing alive, and i remember being embarrassed that I kinda identified so much with that

[jenseit]

feeling bad and lost today which probably means my shitty, post- wisdom tooth extraction, mostly liquid diet is catching up to me. to solve this i bought the book of disquiet, which will definitely help. lol

[jenseit]

I realized that the place in town i hang out all the time is actually kinda bad for me overall (makes me wanna smoke, drinking kratom, getting nothing done and not rlly have that much fun) and now my bf is coming back home in a couple days, ending the only alone time ive had all summer and I hate to say it but im dreading it :( its not that i dont want to see him at all but ik his presence is going to influence me back towards smoking and the kratom and going to bed way later than I want to. and now I dont want to see anyone at all until then

[jenseit]

fuck people who annotate like this tbh

[jenseit]

Lovers

[jenseit]

Thanos Vovolis aka Θάνος Βόβολης (Greek, b. 1958, Greece) - Masque de Dyonisos, 2007, National Theatre of Iceland

[jenseit]

my goals rn other than having an excellent last year at college are to get over my addiction to dependence and get in touch with my creativity again. its been gone a long time and its time for it to come back. i think these things are intertwined, and that developing them will be what shakes this residual shame off my back. reading bachelard and deciding definitively to switch my essay topic to borges are my first little steps rn.

[jenseit]

I actually dreamt last night that I was talking about war and peace. about the relationship between man and nature in it

[jenseit]

quote from the last living frank lloyd wright client, roland reisley, who is 101 and has lived in his flw house for 73 years

[jenseit]

[jenseit]

also in tolstoy, prince andrei has this wonderful line thats stuck with me since i read it: "tout comprendre, c'est tout pardonner" and in general i find it to be good maxim for preventing resentment, like: if i can find a way to empathize (understand/comprendre) then i can stop being bothered by (forgive/pardonner) someone's actions. pretty neat

i'm like halfway through the book now though and after following prince andrei for so much more of his life i have a hard time trusting his judgement. he isn't the most forgiving character. is the meaning of a phrase less true when the speaker doesn't understand it, or himself? marya has a moment later when she tells a friend, "je comprends" and it seems she is truly forgiving in that moment.

[jenseit]

ive been thinking lately about a certain passage near the beginning of war and peace where one of the characters looks into a mirror, and tolstoy remarks on the way we all seem to make unnatural faces at ourselves, whether or not we're conscious of it. i realized through this that i must have a resting bitch face, because the look i make at myself is considerably friendlier than what i think my completely neutral expression is.

[jenseit]

dolce

[jenseit]

[jenseit]