jenthebug - Tumblr blog

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[jenthebug]

I have a surgery date!!

MAY 30

That’s one month away.

Here’s what I need to do:

* Wash all my post-surgery laundry

* Put it away where I can reach it

* Inventory and delegate all my household tasks

* CT scan 5/11

* Schedule post op

* Deep clean

* Figure out Twin Bro’s stay (ground transportation, where he’s sleeping, etc)

* Buy 2 boxes of cat food

* Social worker appointment, can’t remember when

* Re-up with short term disability

* Send thx for all the gifts from my wishlist 💕

* hopefully calm down a little 😨

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Soba in gif form, being his “it seemed like a good idea at the time” self.

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Just walked 2.36 miles.

Wish I could switch to a pair of legs and feet that weren’t tired.

If my surgery is in June or later (pls no I do not want this hanging over my head), I’m gonna walk the Pride 5k on June 1st. 3.1 miles. I used to do that on my lunch breaks for funsies.

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Get a random les to do your makeup by 贺呵呵

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Just told Jay about how I’m abstaining from alcohol and weed “until I’ve finished recovering from my second surgery. So probably the fall. Fuuuuuck.”

(Yes, I drop f bombs in front of my teenager.)

And then I was proud of myself because I can abstain. I don’t like it; I’d much rather eat a big fatty edible and get so high that I forget I have a body, or have a couple vodka crans while I’m playing Mario Kart; but I don’t have to like it.

I can abstain without sneaking alcohol or weed, without just disregarding the surgeon’s advice, and with a little grumbling but no losing my temper or making everyone walk on eggshells around me.

My mother could not say the same. So hooray for healing and breaking cycles and being a good example.

Tolerance breaks get easier as time goes on, and this one will too.

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I am once again posting my wishlist, this time refreshed with post-surgical items! I don't expect or obligate anyone to buy me anything from this list, but if you've been wondering how to help, this is how.

This is mostly for my irl/facebook friends, honestly. They're all "How can I help?" and I'm like "a big wad of cash would be nice," so instead, I went shopping for things that I'll need and wishlisted them.

Dr. Plastics told me to buy A FEW SPORTS BRAS. lol with what money sir? So that's on the list.

I also put a few books and video games on the list, because I'm gonna be bored, and bored me gets depressed easily. Distract the demons away!

I also put a shitload of doordash gift cards on there because we're probably gonna utilize a shitload of doordash. Sorry not sorry.

I'm doing this, making my wishlist, to distract me from how much I want alcohol and weed, btw. Yes, it's only been two days. But knowing that I can't have either of them makes me want them more. And today is the perfect day to get stoned, Nuggets vs Lakers game 4 is on and it's snowy and I don't have shit to do this afternoon.

Too bad I can't wishlist a bottle of vodka and a pack of edibles.

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Oh, hi Soba.

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my mouse keeps shocking me. why are you doing that

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Went on a stupid walk for my stupid mental health. Feeling better!

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Oncology appointment today. Guess I’m going back on blockers.

Not unexpected, just slightly obnoxious. But the blockers have been doing a kick ass job of suppressing the cancer, so there’s that.

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best thing tumblr ever did for me is the term "rotating it in my mind". it's really true that sometimes you think about something real hard but you can't tell what the thoughts are exactly. it's revolutionary stuff, i might even say

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I understood what the surgeon said well enough to write it down.

Now I can process it.

tw surgery, tw gore

Holy shit, I’m glad they took my blood pressure before I talked to the surgeon!

I was like, “focus, intellectually understand everything.” And I did, and I kept a straight face.

But. Everything he said. From nipple preservation to tissue expanders to implants to the DIEP flap, it all gave me the visceral ick that happens when one thinks too hard about something painful. This shit that we’re drawing diagrams about is going to happen, on my body!

Also, I’m gonna be helpless when I’m recovering from both surgeries. That fact is not lost on me. Husband is a good helper. Dr Twin Bro will be available to help after the first surgery. We’ll know what works for the second surgery.

On top of that, I am just flying on edibles tonight. I’m indulging because the surgeon says no weed 6 weeks before or after surgery.

Everything is making me cry. Especially my playlist. (It’s mostly kpop but sometimes some synthwave shows up, and every once in a while there’s some emo) Any other genres would be too nostalgic. Like these aren’t? lol can’t win with the tunes

Current mood: reeling

Current music: MAMAMOO - Starry Night