jersey-days-blog

[jersey-days-blog]

it’s a cold and it’s a broken despacito

[jersey-days-blog]

x

[jersey-days-blog]

The Signs As John Mulaney Quotes

Aries: And he was wearing reading glasses to show that time had passed.

Taurus: Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken!

Gemini: Shut up! You’re all gonna die. 

Cancer: Top three colleges? I thought I would be dead in a trunk.

Leo:  I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.

Virgo: Just raise your hand and be like “I think Emily Dickson’s a lesbian!” and they’re like “Partial credit”

Libra: My wife is a bitch and I like her so much.

Scorpio: 13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world.

Sagittarius: There is a horse loose in a hospital!

Capricorn: Something happened here. You hope it’s a miracle, but probably not.

Aquarius: I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.

Pisces: I am damp all the time. I am damp now and I will be damp later. Like the back of a dolphin, my back.

[jersey-days-blog]

Attack commences in 30 seconds

[jersey-days-blog]

I’m crying from how hard I’m laughing😂

[jersey-days-blog]

that’s nice

[jersey-days-blog]

Your faith walks on broken glass..

[jersey-days-blog]

*Steps inside the jersey border*

Gee: "Hi!! Are you new here? Do you need directions?"

Frank: *Kicks me in the shins and pushes me to the ground, spits on me* "Get the fuck out of Jersey, Canadian scum."

[jersey-days-blog]

[jersey-days-blog]

u know exactly what i mean 

[jersey-days-blog]

my first impressions of musicals

hamilton: why are the founding fathers rapping

dear evan hansen: wow stripe shirt boy is good singer

be more chill: okaaaaaaaay so that was an interesting first line

heathers: im sorry WHAT is blue

waitress: i like pie as much as the next person but this is a tad excessive

falsettos: only the best musicals start with people yelling bitch over and over

book of mormon: if mormons actually sang at ppls doors i would join in a hearbeat

bare a pop opera: this is exactly how i feel in church wtf

spongebob squarepants: a musical about spongebob got nominated for “best musical”

legally blonde: gee i wonder if hes actually gonna break up with her

something rotten: TAP DANCING EGGS

les miserable: this chick has an unhealthy crush

newsies: this stupid “king of new york” songs gonna get stuck in my head isnt it

guys and dolls(i saw a school production of this first): omg these kids cannot sing for shit

wicked: this is basically fantasy racism

[jersey-days-blog]

The Craft (1996)

[jersey-days-blog]

I myself am strange and unusual.

[jersey-days-blog]

Produce an emotionally moving one-sentence story.

[jersey-days-blog]

Everybody party till the gasman comes

Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun

And get a parking violation on La Brea till its done