jesprsfaheys

[jesprsfaheys]

so someone asked me to comment on a post which claimed that this line:

is really inej disrespecting kaz's trauma and essentially saying that she prefers kaz without his trauma. this isn't the first time i've seen this which is why i really want to stress that i disagree.

let me just get this out of the way. this fandom has a habit of ignoring inej's own trauma and touch aversion because she is more well-adjusted than kaz is. i've seen plenty of takes before that say that kanej is toxic because inej refuses to acknowledge kaz's trauma but none of them acknowledge how much she has grown. inej has touch aversion too. she was sold into sexual slavery. obviously her trauma is not comparable to kaz because this isn't the trauma olympics, but the point is that she worked to get better and improve and she wants the same from him. she wants him to get better. but also, just because kaz is traumatized doesn't mean that the trauma is an inherent part of him.

that aside, i feel that most people with this particular criticism of this scene are failing to understand it in full.

inej isn't telling kaz that she prefers him without his trauma when she tells him she will have him without armor or not at all. the without armor line is not about kaz's touch aversion, it's about all the walls that he's put up against her. kaz knows everything about inej and inej doesn't even know his real last name. kaz's touch aversion is a metaphor for how genuinely closed off he is from her. obviously it's something they both also want to work through, but the larger issue at hand is the fact that inej wants kaz rietveld, not brekker. and she's not wrong to ask the boy who claims to love her to be honest with her.

and that's why the bathroom scene is progress made between them. not only do they touch physically, briefly, but kaz is honest with inej for the first time.

he breaks down and tells her about jordie and pekka rollins as much as he can. he's cruel about it, sure, but that's the real progress inej is asking from him. that's the other thing he's going to keep "trying again" for with her.

but yeah, kaz's touch aversion does absolutely come hand in hand with his aversion to admitting what he percieves as his shame to inej. and relationships don't just take hard work, they take faith and honesty. inej gives everything to kaz. he knows all of her. so yes, she can demand as much of him as he's willing to give. and she does let him wait till he's ready.

essentially i just think reading that line as inej demanding kaz without his trauma is sort of shallow, disregards her trauma, and doesn't really see the bigger picture. the beauty in kanej is that they both want to grow for themselves and each other, and their growth comes in communication.

[jesprsfaheys]

modern au crows studying

[jesprsfaheys]

Instagram • Patreon • Ko-fi • Redbubble

[jesprsfaheys]

@lgbtqcreators creator bingo: [fade transition, found family, free choice, inspired by another creator]

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@socdaily's no mourners event

day 2┆favorite relationship ↳ kaz and inej + something to believe in (newsies)

[jesprsfaheys]

inej and kaz having issues with touch due to trauma. kaz and wylan drowning and being reborn in the ketterdam harbor. wylan and jesper feeling like they have to hide a part of themselves due to their fathers. jesper and nina being grisha with addictions. nina and matthias being raised as a weapon rather than a human. matthias and inej being deeply religious. inej and wylan making themselves smaller because of the abuse they suffered. wylan and matthias being forced into a life of crime. matthias and kaz losing their parents and siblings. kaz and jesper being thrown into the barrel because of reckless behavior involving money. all of these characters being so different yet so similar and forever interconnected with each other because they know that no one else will understand

[jesprsfaheys]

@lgbtqcreators creator bingo — free choice and b&w 4K CELEBRATION — @yenvengerberg asked; kanej + yellow?

[jesprsfaheys]

alina starkov i am sorry that no one understands your character. i’m sorry that you have been reduced to the “boring female lead in a love triangle.” i’m sorry that they don’t understand that you were never in a love triangle, but a victim of abuse. i’m sorry they don’t understand the metaphor of the sunlight in your soul outweighing the darkness in your abusers. i’m sorry that they didn’t love you after your light burned out and i’m sorry that they didn’t want you to have a peaceful ending

[jesprsfaheys]

the thing that’s so frustrating about the shadow and bone cancellation is that they literally had!!! the perfect cast!!! that casting was it for me - they were the characters i had read about in the duology coming to life on the screen. the show was good and it could have been even better if they had just given it time to breathe. netflix quite literally pulled together the perfect cast for these characters, dangled them in front of us and then proceeded to snatch them away again. what is the incentive to watch netflix anymore when even shows with genuinely brilliant casts and characters barely last a season or two? why bother becoming invested in the content that netflix creates if they’ll only plug their ears and ignore the feedback of their audience as they cancel legitimately enjoyable shows? how are shows meant to develop great stories or find their footing if the threat of cancellation looms over them from the very start? netflix doesn’t give their shows the chance to build upon themselves, they want everything at once or nothing at all and it’s so so frustrating as a viewer

[jesprsfaheys]

nina doodle because idk who the hell yall’ve been drawing lately

[jesprsfaheys]

funniest thing about Six of Crows is that they technically have two wizards on the six person heist crew but one of them kind of sucks shit at it and it's not even why he's on the team. he's there for guns and the wizard thing is just like a silly little fun fact about him that they only break out in absolute emergencies. it's like having a weird allergy it's just so absolutely incidental. you could know this guy for years and not even know. love that level of casual magic bullshit in a world tbh some people are just magic by accident and don't make a whole personality out of it.

[jesprsfaheys]

I'm really sorry if I sound negative, I just need to voice some of my thoughts on how Malina was written at the end before I can content myself with the rest of the season....

because even though I hear what people are saying about "choice" ...I just can't make it fully make sense...

Mal's ability to track is based on Morozova's magic bloodline. and his special link to Alina allows him to hear a buzz in the back of his head when he's holding her hand or searching for her. But what has that got to do with them falling in love???

By all means, question it (preferably before the "Vows We Could Keep" scene, please). But for goodness sake, come to the right conclusion.

'Cause I just don't buy this idea that they can't tell if what they have is real or not... and neither did they in the book. Certainly not Malyan "you were meant for more than I can give you so say goodnight and send me away before I kiss you senseless" Oretsev who drove himself mad loving Alina from a distance, loving her even against all hope of a future together. And certainly not Alina "none of it mattered if Mal was dead" Starkov who loved him more than any amount of power he could offer her.

In the book they knew that they forged their own bond based on YEARS of history together and several life-changing events too. Their relationship wasn't just some easy thing.... it took them being forcibly split up, coming near death several times, and having to imagine never seeing each other again for them to finally admit what they felt out loud... they had to use human communication, writing letters and pining for years, to work out what they meant to each other after being scared to say it... So yes, they earned their relationship.

But yes, they also accepted that fate brought them together and were glad of that. They didn't deny that they were always destined to meet, but it just followed naturally in their minds that if and when they met, of course, they would inevitably fall in love--because they love each other so much now that how could they not love each other then? And yet... they both acknowledge that they would be different people without each other and their love story would look different... but still they can't imagine a lifetime in which they meet and don't fall in love.

At the point when Mal looses his Tracking Ability, the loss is not enough for him to question if their friendship and love and sacrifice for one another was only destiny because he'd already confirmed that their love was not a product of their magical link. Just like Alina's magical link to The Darkling couldn't make her love him, it could only call or draw her to him, even when she actually hated him. In the same way, Mal and Alina could have grown up enemies or rivals always orbiting one another but never actually caring for one another. It was their understanding... They genuinely cared about each other. They formed a true friendship and fell in love.

The way we know it's not because of magic is because the love they share was never contingent solely on a warm fuzzy tingly feeling when they were near. Summoning sunlight and tracking amplifiers does not equate to falling in love.

If being the sun summoner and the firebird is what brought them together, what was it that kept Mal from just running away with her once they were together? What was it that made Mal admire her strength and leadership even if it meant she needed to marry a prince and keep him at a distance? He saw her needs, her duty, her destiny and took himself out of the picture thinking it would be best for her. That's not an act of ~magic drawing them together... that's selfless, sacrificial love.... which is kinda their WHOLE THING and the whole reason they are endgame. Because sacrificial love is stronger than cruel greed and power any day. That's what Malina is about. Choosing love over power.

So even though I understand Mal having some kind of identity crisis about what his purpose is without his tracking ability, and even though I like the idea of "I choose you" at least as much as "you are my destiny" ...I don't like when the show has him suggest that their shared destiny in finding each other somehow also negates their free will in the matter of falling in love. They already chose one another... They already fought for each other over and over again. And not because of ~magic.

And that small but somehow massive shift in the narrative is the one thing I really struggle to get behind... because it's like the writers are conceding that there was a problem with the way the book was written when there never was.

[jesprsfaheys]

me explaining through my tears that zoya's and the darkling's dynamic goes way deeper (in the books) and it says a lot about zoya's relationship with authority and power but also safety as a whole because of the (almost) parental nature of their relationship like the darkling is already playing favorites with her by the time she is 13

they are close enough for him to pick her over a lot of the older grisha's at the little palace for the possibility of getting an amplifier something we know is so special and not something just anyone could have yet he gave zoya that opportunity and when she felt like she failed him for protecting and releasing the cubs it broke her in a million pieces because she doesn't want to disappoint him

the darkling represented grisha's as a whole. he was their leader, their protector in a world that hates them and wants them eradicated, for a power they were born with. it is the way the little palace was meant to be a sanctuary for grisha's to feel safe, a place where zoya felt safe, yet it was the darkling was the first to completely destroy it and kill any grisha that wasn't on his side he was their biggest protector and he killed them in cold blood like that absolute betrayal

it wasn't just about her losing her aunt, he took away her home, the home she made with her aunt and lada and the one she made at the little palace the friends she made he took everything from her because she believed him when he said they would change the world together like she put so much trust in him, she gave him her power and he broke it so easily that wound just festered on because the darkling betrayed her just like her mother did in the past

and it just parallels the darkling with her mother so well because as a young child just wanted to make her mother happy which meant getting the highest grades, eating only half her meals so her mother could eat the rest, and stealing fruit from the duke's garden so her mother could eat them something she could get severely punished for by the duke zoya a young commoner girl who is from suli descent like she could have died but her mother never stopped her from taking them again and again and didn't her mother truly never saw her other than a pretty face that she could capitalize out of

zoya didn't make a sound on her wedding, didn't cry a single tear on her wedding, and never spoke out because she couldn't bear making her mother angry until the only person who ever spoke up for her was her aunt who almost beat to death for speaking up for her and even then could only be spent little over 2 months with her (mostly on the streets) before being separated for the next 7 years when she first goes back when she is 16. (they did write to each other)

the only adult that "cares" for her was the darkling he had continuous access to her, to groom her, to make her his perfect little girl. she is so desperate to impress him, to be around him, to be noticed, and worst of all he does. he gives her privileges, the important missions and she gets to ride his coach with him like he makes it known and clear that she is special, unlike her mother he gives her the attention she wants. but it doesn't really mean anything to him

he has no issue switching her out with alina sending her faraway as a punishment just like her mother had no issue selling her to a man old enough to have grandchildren of her age

zoya being stuck in a vicious cycle of being abused by people who should be protecting her

and it just speaks volumes that is zoya is the one who advocates for the darkling's victims because if she doesn't speak for alina, genya, liliyana and baghra who will

it speaks to her relationship with nina, her worries, her concerns about her, i wonder if all she sees is a beautiful and powerful girl with a deep love for her country with no support, no family i wonder if she sees herself so desperately trying to prove herself to the world

basically zoya co-wrote would've, could've, should've

*will be edited after i had a good night of rest and crack open the books again

[jesprsfaheys]

anyway who wants to talk about the fact that zoya basically replaced her abusive mother with an abusive parental relationship with the darkling

[jesprsfaheys]

y’all act like alina living a domestic life singlehandedly set feminism back by 20 years when she’s literally just hanging out

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incorrect sab subtitles part (?/?)

[jesprsfaheys]

not to be unserious on main but throughout a very inconsistent slew of episodes the thing that’s really sending me about season 2 of shadow and bone is that everyone is hardcore struggling and then u have matthias who is literally going thru some sort of sexual awakening in prison. his cellmate is like find god and matthias is like i cannot :(( too busy having impure thoughts about nina zenik :(((

like literally everyone else is getting beaten shot stabbed fighting sea monsters and matthias is going through the world’s longest no nut november challenge while unholy by sam smith plays in the background and just overall he has the vibe of a kid who just escaped the sexually repressive atmosphere of catholic school and is panicking at the onslaught of dirty thoughts he’s experiencing for the first time