jessepnikman

[jessepnikman]

THE OFFICE 3.02 — "The Convention"

[jessepnikman]

[jessepnikman]

Oh my that scene was really hot! Almost thought that Eddie was about to kiss Cal..

[jessepnikman]

Despite being potentially only a few weeks away from his entire life changing forever, Jesse was oddly relaxed. It felt like the calm before the storm, and he was, incredibly, doing it all sober. Perhaps his mood had come about naturally, in order to balance out Hanna's anxiety, but for some reason, he just felt at peace. A strange sense of surrealism, content that he was on a course he couldn't change, knowing something big was impending but he couldn't grasp it, make it real. There were undoubtedly moments of excitement, fear, and panic, but he was always able to draw it back to this. Quiet. Still. As if holding his breath. Inertia. The world peddled on around them as they waited for the day that would change everything. He was doing exactly that now, waiting, cigarette between his fingers. He was due to meet Stefan that afternoon, and was biding his time in the park, Hanna spending the day with Ashley. Suddenly, his dazed state was shattered by the sound of a man's screams.

"The fuck?" Jesse muttered, twisting his head around to get a better look at the commotion. He hadn't even noticed the trio before, so caught up in his own dreamlike stupor. Squinting over at them, Jesse lowered the cigarette slowly, tossing it completely when he realised who was with the man. "Annie?" He blinked, springing to his feet, crossing toward them without thought. "Hey, Annie!" He was calling out now, concerned to see her doubled over. "You alright?" Reaching them, Jesse put a hand out to support her. "Yo, what’s - oh, shit." He'd spotted the fluid, the way she clutched her stomach. He hoped it was just labour and nothing more serious, but ironically, he was still wildly unprepared. Panic crept up, though again, he was able to halt it and push it back down. In fact, Jesse turned, grabbed the screaming man's arm, tugged him closer and forced him to listen.

"Hey, yo!" The older man flailed, muttering in a language he suspected was Spanish. "Dude!" Jesse yelled back, matching his volume, shaking him again. "Stop choking your chicken and go get her some damn help!" The man blinked at him, suddenly giving Jesse his attention. Fucking finally, he thought. "Hit up the infirmary, let 'em know. She needs a wheelchair like yesterday. Fuckin' go!" With a shove, Jesse turned back to Annie, satisfied he'd seen Lito take off in the right direction.

"What's up with that guy, huh? He's bein' a total bitch." He shook his head, equal parts astounded and irritated, until he remembered the urgency of the situation. Tone softening, he addressed her properly, attempting to lower the stress level. "Hey. Just keep breathin', yeah? You’re doin' real good. I got you, okay?" He made sure to grip tight of her arm. "Help’s on the way, it’s gonna be fine. Listen, yo, you think you can walk? 'Cause we gotta start walking, but if you need to stop or - anything else, you just yell out, alright? We got this. You, Maris and me. Ain't that right, dude?" He smiled over at the child, who stared back, obviously spooked. Jesse sighed, empathising. "Hey buddy, come here a sec." With one hand still on Annie's arm, he knelt down, getting to Maris' level. "We gotta get your mom to the doctors, yeah? You think you can hold her hand, walk with us?"

Annie was watching Lito play pattycake with Maris, gentle smile on her face, when the sickness started to set in. At first, she mistook it for general pregnancy symptoms, or the fact that she’d spent a few hours away from Finnick, causing the non-human bond to affect her. But then her stomach started to twist uncomfortably, in a way she’d felt only once before. She grabbed onto the back of the park bench, hunching over, shaking her head. She wasn’t due for another few weeks, but this had happened before, the reminder of which sat giggling in front of her. “Lito…” Her voice was strained as the panic began to set in, knowing that both her company and location weren’t ideal. “Lito. Ring my husband. Please - I need -” A second later, she felt a light popping sensation, and water began to trickle between her legs. She needed to get to the infirmary before the contraptions started. As a non-human, they were blindingly painful, and the fear of which caused her eyes to well up. 

[jessepnikman]

NATHAN & HALEY SCOTT | Danny Boy. 

[jessepnikman]

#clicking on that filtered content post

[jessepnikman]

I love you. You love me. And I know that it takes more than that to make a marriage work, but what do couples who have been together for a long time say? “I’ve married my best friend.” That’s us. It’s been us. Since you sprained your ankle and I dropped you on Cannon Green. Since we stayed up all night studying, eating Jimmy’s cheesy bread. It’s been us since that summer of epic phone calls when you nannied in West Windsor. It’s still us.

GREY'S ANATOMY (2005–) ‣ 21.10 "Jump (for My Love)" dir. Jesse Williams

[jessepnikman]

CLARK KENT & LANA LANG Smallville (2001-2011) 1.07 - Craving

[jessepnikman]

THE KILLING 1.05

[jessepnikman]

Jesse was clutching his nose as he made his way back into the mountain, swearing every time he accidentally jostled it. He was sure it wasn’t broken, he'd done that before, but it was still painful as all hell. He hadn’t seen it coming, and neither had Finnick, really, if his vacant expression was anything to go by. Despite the blood now pouring from his face, as a PTSD-sufferer himself, Jesse understood. Finnick shouldn’t be alone, and especially not on the tracks by the entrance. But clearly, the blonde wasn’t who he needed right then. By the time he’d reached the bottom floor, Jesse was huffing. He’d never been a runner, but this shit was ridiculous. He’d asked a few people where the asshole vampire was, and it had lead him there. After a few tries, he finally reached Kol’s room, slamming his hand on the door. “Yo, bloodsucker! Open the hell up!”

[jessepnikman]

Whatever Jesse had been expecting, it hadn’t been a fist to the face. Granted, he’d been beaten up countless times; he’d even told Mr White once that he was used to getting the shit kicked out of him. But this.. this seemed different. This wasn’t anything like the Finnick that he’d spoken with for a few hours only days ago, before the guy had to go back to his toddler. The way his green eyes weren’t focusing on anything — he actually could’ve missed Jesse completely, had Jesse not chosen the golden moment to get up nice and close, so the fist could connect with his nose.

Jesse swore loudly and fell back, caught off balance by the hit. “What the fuck, yo?!” He clutched his face and sat there for a few moments, blinking back the tears that burned his eyes. It wasn’t the strongest punch he’d ever received; in fact, the guy went right back to crying. But if touching him wasn’t an option, what the hell else was Jesse supposed to do? Just leave him down there? His nose wasn’t bleeding too badly, so Jesse managed to pull himself back up onto the platform before his hand returned to his face. “Jesus,” he remarked, shaking his head as he watched Finnick curl back up. He had to get him help. He had to find someone much stronger, and someone who knew him much better than Jesse did. Thinking, he recalled Finn’s wedding with Annie in Peru. With his wife clearly out of the question, the only option left was the vampire dude.

Great. That guy was the definition of bitch.

//.

Finnick hadn’t moved from his hunched position, breathing hard, his forehead resting against the sharp gravel as his mind unwillingly processed things he never wanted to think about again. But that was his illness, and that was his punishment for all the promises he’d broken. When he was at his weakest, his guard would slip, and in all the memories would flood, giving him no choice but to relive those dreaded moments over and over until he could pull himself out.

Anyone who knew Finnick well knew they shouldn’t touch him during a breakdown, especially one as bad as this. But Jesse didn’t know Finnick, and the hand that met his shoulder only dragged him further into the memory, the Nut and the railroad completely wiped from his vision. Get off me was his only thought, and suddenly, Finnick wanted out. Instinctively, he moved fast, his right hand knocking the other’s arm off, his left swinging around to slam Jesse right in the face.

[jessepnikman]

“Finnick?!” Six times later, the guy still wasn’t responding, and Jesse was getting agitated. The vomiting had stopped, thank god, but the older blonde was still heaving, obviously trying to breathe around the sobbing. Jesse had witnessed breakdowns before, but never from someone he had thought to be.. well, strong. Collected, anyway. He’d always been so well put together, always had the right thing to say. Whatever had triggered him now had to be incredibly serious. Nervously, Jesse wondered if Annie’s condition had worsened.

Carefully avoiding the mess on the ground, Jesse inched closer. Saying his name obviously wasn’t getting his attention, so he’d have to try and snap him out of it. “Hey, man, you gotta calm down. Hey — ” Jesse reached out, placing a hand on Finnick’s arm in an attempt to pull him up. His position had to be uncomfortable.

Finnick?

— 

“Finnick? I hope you’re finished up in there. You don’t want to waste my time, do you?“ The man’s tone was polite, but the undertone was sinister. Finnick had managed to excuse himself to throw up in privacy, but he’d hardly been given a minute. Shuddering as he wiped his face, his body feverish from filling and emptying so quickly, he glanced at himself in the mirror. The alcohol was, at least, still in his bloodstream, and there was always the possibility of grabbing some more once he’d returned to the party. But as soon as he’d taken one step out of the bathroom, the man had his hand gripped around his arm, steering Finnick down the hall. "Aren’t we returning to the party?” Finn began to panic, swallowing hard. He knew what was going to happen after the party, but he’d expected to have some more time to prepare himself first. Not that he ever could prepare for something like that. “I think we’ve both had enough of all those people, wouldn’t you agree?” Finnick desperately wanted to say no, to seek out Kol and Johanna for comfort, but he could do little but nod, a familiar, distant smirk falling into place. 

His memory skipped then, things he’d tried to block out blurring together, but he remembered the feeling. The clammy hands shoving and tracing and pushing and scratching. Finnick was screaming at him in his head, begging him to get off, let him go; but he was silent behind his smile.

—

Finnick? His name again. Why couldn’t they just fucking leave him alone? He curled in on himself on the tracks, hands wrapping around his gut. But there was nothing left to gag up, and he was left gasping for air.

[jessepnikman]

There was still no reply, and with Finnick’s cries getting louder, Jesse ultimately made the decision to jump down, too. He may not be able to lift him back up, but he could at least try and get his attention, and offer some support. Now on the tracks, Jesse watched Finnick’s slumped form for a moment, realising he knew next to nothing about the former Victor. He’d spent a lot of time with Annie and Maris, but Finn had always seemed guarded when he was around. Like he wasn’t ever quite his true self. Would the man even want his help now? Jesse quickly dismissed the question. He’d experienced episodes like this himself, well, similar enough anyway, and hated being alone more than anything else in the world. This was the right thing to do.

Tentatively, Jesse took another few steps forward, ready to say something else, when Finnick’s head suddenly shot up, throwing up right in front of himself. Shocked, Jesse took a step back. What the fuck? Positive now that Finnick was having a panic attack, Jesse waited as the man gagged, knowing he shouldn’t make the guy talk while chucking. Crouching where he was, he frowned at the Victor, gaze concerned. “Jesus, man, try and calm down. Just.. throw up, and you’ll feel better, yeah? Finnick?” Was the guy even listening? He was crying pretty hard, but he didn’t seem to be focusing on anywhere in particular, seemingly unreachable. “Uh, Finnick?”

Finnick couldn’t hear Jesse’s questions, couldn’t hear anything over the sound of the air that choked his lungs. As his breath quickened, his head spun, and memories suddenly consumed him. His illness wasn’t like Annie’s — they both suffered, but he couldn’t switch off like she could. She could vacate herself, leave the conscious world and escape. Finnick constantly relived his trauma, live again and again, like a record stuck on a loop. There was no changing his memories, no changing the outcome, he was just thrown in them like some immersion experience. He was aware he was crying, sobbing actually, crumpled so far forward his head grazed the ground. But he wasn’t there. He was being dragged to another Capitol party, a forced smile on his face.

—

Finnick hadn’t slept for days, his Capitol visit schedule filled with appointments and photoshoots and training. But his exhaustion was covered with make-up, of course, looking nothing less than flawless for the Capitol guests. He’d eaten too much already, just to look polite, but the drinking was all for himself. He knew the man who’d paid for him that night; he’d been with him before. But Finnick did not want to remember it a second time. Soon, he was completely stuffed, and far too tipsy. But the man he was escorting was concerned — some female guests were growing too attached to Finnick, hanging off his every word. So he’d grabbed his arm, dragged the Victor to the side of the room, and shoved a shot of ipecac in his hands, ordering Finnick to pull himself together. Finn was understandably a little confused. He didn’t want to throw up. He wanted to forget. He needed the alcohol in his system. But he sensed the man’s seriousness, so downed the dreaded shot, and everything else came back up.

—

The sensation threw him back into the present, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the tracks. He almost choked on it too, crying so hard he couldn’t control himself. The little food he’d eaten earlier was gone now, yet he continued to gag, not realising the lack of food and overcompensation of tobacco had made it much, much worse.

[jessepnikman]

It was a mix of fear, anger, and misplaced loyalty that left Jesse bunking beside the train tracks. Mr White’s family had shown up, without him nonetheless, but the blonde just couldn’t risk it. If he was caught out, every friend he’d managed to make within the rebellion would despise him, and worse still, Mr White would inevitably find out where he was. So, unless it was an emergency, or in the dead of night where he could slip downstairs unnoticed, Jesse stayed put, filling the long days with sketching, graffitiing the tunnel’s walls, listening to Amy’s music player, smoking. Which is what he was doing now, cigarette lodged between his fingers as he observed the Victor further down the tunnel.

Finnick was pacing, which seemed out of character, but Jesse wasn’t convinced he knew the man well. Out of the two who frequently joined him up there, he was certainly closer with Amy. All three seemed to have shit going on though, hence why they enjoyed the peace of the train tunnel in the first place, so when he caught Finnick’s eye, he waved. He received a mere nod in response, and with a sigh, Jesse let it go, flicking his finished cigarette onto the tracks below before rolling back onto his makeshift bed. If the guy wanted to talk, he’d talk.

Pushing in an earbud, Jesse settled himself in for a few hours rest. If he could fall asleep, he could ignore the low rumbling of his stomach. A few minutes later however, his blood ran cold, the sound of a scream piercing through the music. Jesse sat up in a panic, whipping his head around to search for danger. But there was… nothing. Alarmed now, he stood up, surveying the empty tunnel. Had he just fallen asleep and was now trapped in some kind of hellish dream? Pulling out the headphones, he then heard crying. Eyes wide in realisation, Jesse rushed to look over the platform’s edge.

There was Finnick, slouched over so low his head scraped the gravel, arms wrapped around his middle as he cried. “Uh, yo, Finnick? You okay, man?” More crying was the only response, and Jesse shook his head, thrown off by the behaviour. Did he get down there with him? There was no way he could lift a dude as buffed up as that. Perhaps finding help was a better idea.

Annie’s fine. Kol’s fine. Maris’s fine. I’m fine. That was all Finnick allowed himself to think as he finished yet another cigarette. He was running low, but was hoping he could get some more off Jesse when the time came. The blonde wasn’t far away, lying on his side further down the tunnel, bag shoved under his head. Again, Finnick wondered if the kid was ever going to come inside. There was no questioning he had plenty of support amongst the Rebels. But the tracks had become a place to face your demons alone, himself and Amy also frequent visitors. The trio now held an unspoken agreement not to encroach upon that. Those same demons were following Finnick that night. Despite his mantra, he wasn’t feeling as fine as he’d like to believe. Unsteady hands reached for another cigarette, and before he could react, the pack fell with a light thud onto the tracks. For a moment, he could only stare at the littered cigarettes, aware they certainly weren’t worth jumping down there for. But smoking had been the only consistent, controllable thing in his life as of late, and he didn’t think he could handle losing something else right then. So, crouching down, Finnick pushed off the edge and jumped onto the tracks. I’m fine. The Victor repeated it in his mind, his hands moving over the gravel as he collected the pack. I’m fine, I’m fine, I'mfineI'mfineI'mfine — but the words started to merge together, losing meaning entirely, and the more he thought about calming down, the more his hands shook. Soon, he was grabbing at nothing, and Finnick started hitting his own head instead, swearing at himself, trying to concentrate. Because Annie wasn’t fine. She hadn’t moved once in three months, hadn’t responded to him at all. Maris needed his mother, and she wasn’t moving. Finn had sworn to always protect her, but he’d lost her once, and now he’d failed again. She’d returned to the place where he could not follow. When would they be free of this cycle? Letting out an anguished scream, Finnick didn’t realise he was crying until he couldn’t see anymore, folded over on the rugged surface, the scattered pack forgotten.

[jessepnikman]

Jesse was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet by the time she came to the door. Seeing her in the flesh made it so much more real — Jesse could’ve sworn his heart missed a few beats at the sight. Amy was one of his closest friends in the world, and he’d always wished for her happiness, and assumed she’d get it. But now he’d found a piece of his own, and that piece meant literally everything to him. It was the whole puzzle.

“’Cause I am,” he grinned, gesturing outward with his arms. “I’d make you guess, but I think I’m gonna like, pass out, so, here goes — I’m gonna be a dad, Ames. Hanna’s pregnant. We’re havin’ a freakin’ baby.”

There was a overwhelming sense of happiness radiating from the pack that Amy didn’t quite understand. She’d been tucked up with Rory for the last few days, and hadn’t heard off her close friends — today she planned to change that, and find out what was causing the elation she felt through the McCall bond. As if someone were reading her mind, the door soon knocked, revealing a Jesse behind it. He seemed… not himself, but in a positive way; if that were even possible. Amy’s curiosity only grew, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Afternoon. Why do I feel like you’re here to tell me somethin’?”

[jessepnikman]

“Well, I was comin' to find you, yo!” Jesse grinned in response, poking Stefan on the chest with both pointer fingers before stepping inside. He felt, and looked, as if he was walking on air, now beaming at his best friend. “I am doin’ the best I’ve ever done in my life, man. For real. We’re havin’ a baby. Han’s pregnant. Can you freakin’ believe that?!”

Stefan opened the door, eyes blinking in surprise. “Oh, hey Jesse. I was actually just coming to find you, see how you were doing.” Smiling, he took a step back, gesturing for his friend to come inside. “’Everything okay?

[jessepnikman]

"Yo!" He shook his head in wonder. "How do you always know it's me?" For someone who was seemingly human, Matt’s observations were always strange; but the blonde was getting used to it. Despite being a good friend, Matt was still incredibly mysterious to him. But until the guy really opened up, Jesse was willing to accept that he was just different. “Everythin’s more than alright, yo. We’re havin’ a baby.”

“Jesse.” Albeit a little confused, Matt smiled in greeting, a hand still resting against the door. It wasn't often his friend came knocking. He tilted his head immediately, picking up on all sorts of emotional readings. "Your heart’s racing. Is everything alright?“