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A list of all of Rons dad facts, plus some other stuff.

A list of all Ron’s official Dad Facts (in chrono order):

Note: there were no official dad facts stated at the beginning of episode 1, just introductions. I’m only counting facts that were explicitly called “dad facts” in the intros.

1 Ron does not have any leg hair. On the left leg it’s a medical thing. On the right, he shaves it off.

2 He thinks that a hug is a type of dog

3 Ron has a collection of his baby teeth because Willy never played the part of the tooth fairy

4 Ron knows every Eminem Lyric

5 Much like 88 to 90% of the population, Ron is right-handed.

6 Ron has never played DnD, but he has played “Scene it?” multiple times

7 Ron thinks all musicals have to be about animals, the only musical Ron has ever seen is Cats, Rons favorite musical is cats.

8 On a school field trip to the national history museum Ron got sick, so he missed most of the tour. To this day, he’s still not sure if Dinosaurs are extinct, imaginary, or “walking among us.”

9 His middle name is F (just the letter) He saw Ronald F. Stampler and never assumed it stood for something, he never asked his parents too cause assumedly they suck.

10 Ron was one of the sheep in a nativity play as a child. He is an actor.

11 The reason Ron thinks he’s a virgin and doesn’t know what fucking or sex is, is because his wife Samantha always called it making love.

12 Ron needs to watch his cholesterol. It’s just a little bit too high. But he considers it a compliment (“Oh is it higher than the other guys”) He needs to keep off the bacon but he likes MAKING bacon.

13 Ron met Samantha by catfishing her by pretending to be a dog When she found out he was a man and not a schnauzer, he said “I told you I knew how to shake.” (later on Anthony muses that she is morosexual)

14 Ron attempted the spicy taco wall of flame challenge at the North Tavern. He didn’t complete it because he just doesn’t like tacos that much.

15 He’s allergic to pollen.

16 Ron has never had a cavity. Well, maybe he has, but he doesn’t really know what a cavity is. He knows he’s never had a cavity but doesn’t know what it is. He’s gone to the dentist to ask for a cavity search before.

17 Ron had a tummy ache during the first part of the fortnight arc but was “too manly” to mention it and then it went away.

18 Ron refers to celebrities by their full, given names, out of respect. examples. Bradley Pitt. Kimberly Kardashian. Chancellors Johnathan Benett the rapper. .5 USD the rapper. Except he just calls The Rock, The Rock.

19 Ron is not easily rattled by scary spooky things, hOWEVEr, Ron is scared of everything Halloween related/fictional.

20 There was a mirror in Rons attic that always made him feel good about the way he looked because the mirror said “stud” on the top.

21 In the fourth grade, Ron got sent to the principles for plagiarizing a book report on the adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Everyone could tell it was plagiarized because it was not written in Ron’s style.

22 While Samantha cooks the entire thanksgiving meal, Ron insists his thanksgiving dinner is in cold sandwich form, like they’re the next day’s leftovers.

23 Ron canonically has attached earlobes.

24 Every year Samantha and Ron buddy up their new years resolution and Samantha’s resolution was to be more kind. So Ron bought a stack of greeting cards and that’s all he’s done so far.

25 Samantha is the only person that’s ever called Ron, Ronnie.

26 Samantha has called Ron Daddy-flap-jack-google-doc-dick and is the only one to do such.

27 Rons legal signature does not look like his name at all. In fact, Rons signature is based off of Terry’s forgery of his signature, because Terry is better at Ron’s signature than Ron is.

28 Willy Stampler was a traveling salesman who specialized in fishing gear. Willy died by drowning when he used a fancy lure to catch a huge fish named “Serenity” and it pulled him overboard.

29 Ron has gone skiing 3 times. Ron thought that the pizza wedge was the coolest move and so just never advanced from that. Ron also reads playboy for the articles.

30 Willy Stampler is based off of Willy Lowman from “death of a salesman.”

Unofficial but kind of canon facts related to Ron (fair warning I was pretty lax with collecting these and even forgot to catalog these at some point, so I only have them from the first few rescues and then one from ep 31)

1 In the first ep, when terry sighs loudly/angrily Ron says “Daddy?”

2 Ron (allegedly) is well endowed

3 Ron doesn’t know what sex is and he never took sex ed.

4 Ron thinks he’s a virgin.

5 Ron’s legs are jacked as fuck, and his pants are holographic.

6 Ron once tried to scare his enemies by using thaumaturgy to say “I’m not mad I’m just disappointed.” in his father’s voice, but just makes himself cry.

7 Ron said he loves his dad, but he’s not sure if he likes him. (“I don’t like my dad but I don’t wanna talk about that right now.”)

8 Ron plays the recorder (only hot cross buns)

9 We all know Ron is a surprisingly good singer (two-toned voice & all that)

10 Ron gets Terry Jr. Milk when he asks for a Cola ‘cause Rons dad always did that for him.

11 Terry Jr. is taller than Ron and he has “sandy blond” hair

12 Ron is Beths ”spawn”/ Beth is Ron’s ”creator” canonically(?) she isn’t his mother but “She made him.” I assume this means she was someone influential in his life. They are considered “More than friends and less than lovers.” How canonical their interactions are is still kinda unsure, even though Beth helps them do several things. It’s just weird ok.

13 Ron said that his dad used to leave a lot and he missed him, and it made him feel bad.

14 Ron always thought that if he could just catch a fish his dad would be proud of him. But he never caught a fish and his dad was never proud of him. He always thought that if Willy was really his dad he would have been proud of him no matter what. He then says that your family is whoever loves you. And feeling like you’re family is gone fucking sucks. Then he hugs Terry.

15 Ron claimed to not know/care what Darryl’s son Grant looked and sounded like.

16 At some point in episode 22, Ron said he’d never spent money and doesn’t know what things cost. “He’s one kid, what can he cost, 10$?” This is before they all bought some mercenaries.

17 Ron cannot wear any pants due to a deal with scam likely, to combat this he wears holographic pants which aren’t technically real pants, just images of them.

18 Once again, Ron is “really sexy and well endowed” but also canonically has chiseled legs. His underwear says “cool guy” on them.

(I stopped taking passive Ron facts here until the 31st episode, sorry)

19 Ron sleeps in the fetal position

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