jetzu-the-atrocity

[jetzu-the-atrocity]

Icky sticky vom vom bulge in my pants exploding weredogs in the sewer below my favorite restaurant screaming sexy sweet nothings to my mother cream cream crummy pools of piss around your ankles get shot upside down with Paul McCartney chanting the lyrics to Bible verses

Hmm, this is quite an unfortunate day to still have my eyes equipped

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A great question was just posed to me, ”What if the American dream was ‘get rich, drink beer, and stimulate prostate’ instead of live laugh love.”

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Me- “Hey, are you bi”

A person who sometimes does weed- “Nope, I’m sober”

God the moron-sexual people must be salivating 

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Tumbler adds are... well they certainly are, huh

[jetzu-the-atrocity]

DEAD

[jetzu-the-atrocity]

So I was on my way to get a 48 pack of Fruit by the Foot from my college convenient store right? But why does a flag blowing in the wind sound /just/ like someone about to run me over on a skateboard, I was convinced I needed to get out of the way asap but no, it was just God playing a trick on me, I think he hates me

[jetzu-the-atrocity]

I don’t know if this is an original thought or not but I was thinking and saying “I’m not a racist, I have black friends” is just like saying “no, I’m not misogynistic, I have a wife”. like ok and... 

[jetzu-the-atrocity]

I wish I was literally batshit insane, like I just don’t want to abide by arbitrary social rules that don’t mean anything. I want to live like an npc that you’ll never forget but are oddly enticed by. 

[jetzu-the-atrocity]

see, I just got tumbler and it’s honestly refreshing, like I can scream into the void and like only two people will ever know. Watch, released September 2009 there was an ice cream flavor called Sex Pistol and it apparently made you horny, like it just did that, it supposedly has similar effects to viagra and is super alcoholic. Why does it exist? fuck you thats why, go have sex 

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Paganism is actually a halloween religion 

(This joke is based on the phrase “halloween is a pagan holiday” I find that explaining the jokes always makes them funnier, if you would like to laugh at my joke my email is open and we have 24/7 hotlines open to accept any laughing you would like to do, no other method of laughing at my jokes will technically count.)

[jetzu-the-atrocity]

I want to be swallowed by a large whale and wake up in a universe that values aesthetic more than money, I want to wear a cape and a hood and just overall be cool, I’m tired of business causal, I want maroon robes. 

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Tarzan is uncircumcised and we all have to accept it or assume they took him to the butcher when he entered the civilized world. 

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As a PC loots a chest, loudly declare "A new hand touches the beacon".

Occasionally yell it at random because someone two continents away also looted a chest.

-Mod Pencil